Irene's Banana Pudding
So day 389,900,987, or what felt like, of shelter in place happened to me on Sunday. I hit rock bottom and the kitchen floor bad. I lost my cookies for a polite way to put it. I was angry, I was sad, I was frustrated, I felt alone, even though I have 4 boys around me, and I lost it. It was pretty ugly! I remember looking at Trey and with tears rolling down my face I said, “I just miss my mom so bad.” So what did I do to cope? I pulled out that recipe box of hers I found cleaning out with Covid and I made her banana pudding. It is actually quite famous! True story! My old World Geography/Golf Coach STILL talks about it!!!! So I channeled my mom and thought of Coach Steward and I made pudding! The BEST DAMN BANANA PUDDING EVER! And today I will share my moms recipe with you and with you Coach Stewart!!!!
IRENE’S BANANA PUDDING
Ingredients:
8 ounces cream cheese
1 can eagle brand milk in a can
1 large vanilla instant pudding
3 cups of whole milk
1 large cool whip
Vanilla Wafers and Bananas…..I used 7!
PREP:
Blend cream cheese and eagle brand milk. Add pudding and 3 cups of whole milk. Fold in cool whip. Layer your pan with vanilla wafers, bananas, pudding, repeat as needed.
Chill and enjoy!
Bon Appetit!
Amy
Put a Fork in 2020!
So we are almost 5 months into 2020 and I don’t know about you all, but I DO NOT want a do over….I just want 2021 to get here. Put a fork in 2020! SHE DONE!
I WISH! And we all know that is just not possible, so I find myself doing what I said this year I would do. Surrendering. Isn’t it funny that my word for 2020 was Surrender and Obey and here I am. Throwing my hands up in the air! I gotta remind myself next year to be VERY CAREFUL and CAUTIOUS when I pick my word because this is nuts.
But is it? Is it nuts or is it a blessing I chose Surrender and Obey? I think it is a blessing and now I am going to really dig in deep and break my word down. Maybe it will help you and I know it will help me. So I will do what I do best. I will break each letter up until I can truly embrace the word and be in it.
S-s stands for Seek Him
U-u is for unlimited! His love is unlimited.
R-r is for reliable. His love is reliable.
R-r is for real. God is real and His love is real.
E-e is for enough. I am enough.
N-n is for need. I need Him.
D-d is for desire. I need to desire Him.
E-e if for expect! Be expectant in God. Not afraid.
R-r is for radiate. I need to radiate His love to the world.
O-o is for overflow.
B-b is for bless. Be a blessing to others.
E-e is for example. Be an example.
Y-y is for yes! Say yes to God.
So while we sit at home, why don’t we all SEEK Him more. God’s love is so great for us. It has no limits….it is UNLIMITED and trust me when I say this; God is RELIABLE. You can count on Him. His love is REAL! I know it is hard to believe this especially when you cannot see Him, but His love is REAL. He loves you! And in God we are ENOUGH. I am ENOUGH in Him and so are you! The world NEEDS Him. Do you NEED Him? I NEED Him and I DESIRE Him. I truly DESIRE a relationship with Him. Why? Because I EXPECT a miracle from Him. I am not afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to RADIATE His love! I want to be OVERFLOWING in my faith and my walk so I can be a BLESSING and an EXAMPLE to others because I say YES to God daily. YES to surrendering to Him and obeying Him. Won’t you join me?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Irene's Vanilla Butter Nut Pound Cake
During this shelter in place I discovered a treasure. I discovered my mom’s recipe box while cleaning out a cabinet in my kitchen! What a gift! And it came at just the right time!!!!! AND now you all will benefit too! Because let me tell you, my mom, the Red Head, was quite the cook! Matter of fact, my mom’s cooking MIGHT be one reason why Trey fell in love with me. I guess he thought it was a gene! Ha! Who knows, but I do know he LOVED my Mama’s cooking!
So I have decided to start trying out her recipes and sharing the ones me and my family love with you all! And if you are reading this and you knew my mom and you remember something of hers, please comment below and I will try to find the recipe and make it happen!
I have to disclose one thing though, some recipes, I feel like she MIGHT have left one ingredient out, JUST to make sure no one made it better than her, (this might be a sign of where my competitive spirit comes from) because, I swear some of the recipes just don’t taste the same. Maybe it is because my mom just had that touch, but I have a feeling she left out secret ingredients on purpose.
Today I want to share a pound cake recipe of hers. This pound cake is so good, but take my word on this. NO SUBSTITUTIONS! ESPECIALLY with the vanilla flavoring! It is just not the same. Matter of fact, I tried it and fed it to my sister and she literally said, “Aim, this is awful!” No lie! So I made it again, with the correct flavoring, which I ordered on Amazon, and it was DELICIOUS!!!!! So make sure you get the right flavoring! And vanilla ice cream or whip cream on top is to die for!!!!!!!
Irene’s Vanilla-Butter Nut Pound Cake
Ingredients:
3 cups sugar
1/3 cup crisco
3 cups flour
1 small can of pet milk (if not a full cup add water to make a full cup)
2 sticks of margarine
5 large eggs
1/4 tsp salt
2 tablespoons vanilla-butternut flavoring
Prep:
Cream your butter, shortening, sugar, salt. Add your eggs one at a time. Add flour and milk alternately ending with flour. Fold in flavoring by hand. Bake In a greased bundt pan for one hour and 45 minutes at 325. START in a COLD oven. DO NOT open the door while baking. Remove from the oven pan immediately.
Remember: DO NOT START BAKING IN A PREHEATED OVEN
Serve with berries and cream or Ice cream or enjoy with your morning cup of joe!
Bon Appetit!
Amy
What Is In Your Fist
What is in my fist? I ask myself this daily….what am I holding on to? What am I clenching? What am I white knuckling? For me it is my kids, but lately it has felt like life. The pandemic has me all over the place with my emotions. One minute I am so thankful and grateful for it because we are getting all this quiet, slow, family time…. and the next I am terrified for my family and myself. I find my thoughts going to very dark places…places of no return if I let myself go so deep. Then what do I do? I turn to my pillow, or to shopping online for stuff I don’t need, stuff I think will make me happy, or I turn to a glass of wine, or gossip, or lashing out….It is so unhealthy. So today I took pen to paper and here is what I came up with while doing a little exercise.
I grabbed a dollar bill. I gripped it like no other dollar bill ever. I closed my eyes, squeezed my hand over that dollar bill, my knuckles turned colors, my fingernails started making indention’s in my hand, my fist got tired and achy, I had to turn my head away and squeeze harder, I bounced my hand trying to get rid of the exhaustion, and I finally gave up and released it and the dollar fell to the ground. I imagined Satan laughing the entire time the dollar fell. Because that is what happens when we try to white knuckle anything in life…..We finally get exhausted and it crashes and Satan laughs.
Think about it. What are you white knuckling. Is it the almighty dollar? If so what is falling to the ground while you are clenching it? Your kids, your wife, your relationships? Maybe it is your health because you are so tired because you keep working for more money. Question: have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t take it with you and you can’t send it ahead.” What is suffering because money or things are your God?
Maybe it is your kid. Are you clenching so hard to what YOU THINK their future should be that you are missing all the gifts God has blessed them with? I did that with my middle son. You can read about that here. I was so convinced he was “Suppose” to be an athlete that I almost missed out on the amazing gift of his talent.
Maybe it is your friends. Are you holding on so tight to them for fear of missing out? Who is suffering while you do this? Your spouse, your child, your parent….your self. Are you neglecting who you are just so you can be included? How is that working out for your heart?
I don’t know what it is for you only you do, but I would challenge you in the exercise I did. Write down what it is you are holding in your fist. Then write down what would happen if you released it. My hunch is God will catch it and you. God will decided what you need and guide you to it. IF YOU GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. When we trust God, and truly let go, it is then that our hands become free. Free to love. Free to serve. Free to worship. Free to be held by our Heavenly Father.
When we are holding hands with God miracles happen. When we release whatever it is we are holding onto and truly let go you might be surprised at the peace you will feel. You might be surprised that you actually have missed your loved ones. You might be surprised at how tired of the rat race you are. You might be surprised that your kiddo has some seriously amazing gift you never even knew possible. You might be surprised your friends will still love you even though you can’t be there always. You might be surprised at just opening your fist just in the slightest a miracle might happen. So open up that fist. Let Go. Let God.
What are you holding onto that you can release to God.
Is it the state of the world and this pandemic? Release it. Give it to God because what can you do about it? Write down what you can with it and give the rest to God.
Is it National Security? Release it. Give it to God because what can you do about it? Write down what you can do with it and give the rest to God.
Is it Money, Riches, and Wealth? Release it. Give it to God. Write down what it means to have all that money, riches, and wealth. What would it help? What would you sacrifice to have it? Would that be worth it? Then give it to God.
Is it Things? What would it mean to have all those Things….or even just that one thing. Write it down. What would you have to do to get it? Would you or anyone sacrifice while working toward it? Would that be worth it? Then give it to God.
Is it fame or acknowledgement of some kind? What is that about? Write it down. What would it mean to get it? Would it change anything? What and how? Would anyone sacrifice while trying to get it? Would you? Write that down then release it to God.
What is in your fist? Can you give it to God? I promise you when you give it to God miracles happen. It might not look how you thought, but I promise it will be so much better! And think about this…..What is the opposite of Satan laughing? Satan crying! Satan stomping his feet, holding us in his fist, white knuckling, getting tired, and releasing us! Releasing us to God! What a relief that is! To be released to God. To Trust God and to just let God be in control. What happens when we do this. We are free to do what we need to with our hands which is love others, help others, assist others, and raise them to God and praise Him. Trust Him with open hands. Opening our eyes to God and trusting Him. After all we are all Worthy! We are all His children and all He wants is us to trust Him and love Him.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Letter To My Senior
Dear Will,
As I write this letter I am filled with so much emotion. Fear, sadness, confusion, but most of all love and pride. You are the one who gave me the title of Mother. You are the one to say the word “Mama” first. You were the first to cause me real fear when you got sick. You were the first to show me that love without even knowing someone is real. I loved you the very first moment I found out I was going to have you!!!! I had no picture, all I had was a double line. And I fell in love. So this letter is full of love.
But with love that grand comes a magnitude of sadness when you are worried and fearful for the one you love so much. I am so sad because this was suppose to be your year! Your last year to play soccer. Your year to go on a senior spring break trip without me or dad. Your Senior Prom. Your year as president of the Art Club and whatever else the rest of your senior year had to offer you. The last year to be with your closest buds before you all went your separate ways out into the world. This was what you had worked so hard for these past 13 years and it was all taken from you and the rest of the Seniors across the world due to a global pandemic.
As I sit here writing this I realize that a lot of your classmates were born around September 11, 2001. 911….Funny, you all came into this world at such a painful time in history and we are going to send you all out into the world at such a painful time in history. I tend to think there is a divine plan around this. God does not make mistakes. There is no mistake in this. As a matter of fact I think there will be true leaders made from this. And I think you will be one of those leaders!
But, that still does not take away the pain, confusion, or sheer madness you and your friends might be feeling. And to that I say, feel it! Let yourselves feel it. It is real. The pain is real. You have been robbed of a precious time in your life. An important time. One filled with so much anxiety, excitement,and joy and now all it is sadness and loss. It is o.k. to grieve this loss. With grief comes all kinds of emotions. Be there for one another. Listen to one another. Sit in silence with one another. Cry with one another. Of course as I write this I realize you will have to do this via face time, zoom, snap chat, or whatever technological way you all do these things now. And that in and of itself is so sad!!!!! But all the more reason to show you how resilience you all are! You are so tech savvy and so creative and innovative you all will make a beautiful thing out of this terrible situation! I just know it!!!!
It hurts my heart it has to be this way. When we were on our walk and you were talking about how you would never step foot into your high school again and how it hurt you to know you may never see Mr. Fullwood….well let’s just say I had to choke back the tears.
I remember being a senior. One of the most exciting times of my life. I remember all the emotions. All the gatherings and parties. I remember all the planning for college. AND I remember crying in my theater teachers arms, Mr. Cody, about how sad I was it was over. But the difference between my senior year and yours is my senior played out how it was suppose to….Yours was taken from you like a thief in the night. I remember being scared about what it would look like going forward, sad that I might not ever see some of the people I had seen daily for years, and sad about all the familiar comfortable things my childhood brought me. He played a song for me, one that I will never forget. Some Good Things Never Last, by Barbara Streisand. The words in the end go like this:
We’ll live for the future
We’ll learn from the past
No matter how hard we try
Some good things never last
Why can’t they last?
I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. What I do know is you are creative. You are smart. You will all find a way to band together with your friends and make the best out of this awful circumstance. And through this terrible circumstance you and your friends will be all the stronger for it which in turn will bless this world and our future.
I am so sad for you Will and all your friends and classmates. But as I close this letter know that I close it in hope! Hope because you and your classmates are our countries future! I am excited to see how you all will make the most of this situation and that in and of itself will provide hope for our country and our future! You all are leaders and this is STILL YOUR YEAR!!!!
All My Love,
Mom
Are You There God?
2020 might be the longest year in the history of years! AND WE ARE ONLY IN MARCH! Does anyone feel me? If so, can I get an AMEN! This year has been tough for my family as my husband as been very sick, our school district has suffered two teenage suicides, and now the pandemic of the corona. I swear sometimes I find myself asking, “God are you there?”
I can honestly say, just as fast as I ask that or think that, I come back to: of course He is here! I look back to January 3 when my husband’s illness started and remember some very dark days in January, days I thought I was going to be a widow and I made it through. Trey made it through. My kids made it through. We made it through four hospitals, 63 days total in those hospitals, me as a single parent, And we did it all by the grace of God. How? God! That is the only answer I got!!!! I know I leaned into God like I have NEVER before and I know it was God who brought all of us through.
Why am I telling you this? Because I know it seems God is not here. Trust me I felt that way in January! Why would He allow this? And now a pandemic?! I don’t know that answer, but I personally THINK the answer is because He is desperate for ALL of us to rediscover our foundation of faith. He wants us to rely on Him. Is that all he needs us to do in this pandemic? No! He needs us to be like Him too! And he needs us to be smart! What does this look like? Well here are a few of my thoughts….take what you like and leave the rest, these are just my thoughts and maybe just maybe it will bring you the comfort it brings me.
RELY ON HIM! What does it look like to rely on Him? Well, I think for me it is starting my day with Him! No social media, no TV, no newspaper, but quiet time with Him. It is there that I find peace. It is there that I find something in the word that when the day does get scary like yesterday and all the gyms close (the places I work), or the schools close, I can lean back on my morning and remember His words that brought me comfort and peace. God is chasing after us. He is watching us. I know it seems like He is not because this is happening, but I promise He is. God does not make mistakes. This pandemic is not a mistake. It is all in His Perfect Plan. Do I know what that is? No, but I think He is here with us.
BE LIKE HIM! Love your neighbor! What does this mean? Well, it is pretty simple. Stay home and be patient. Our elderly, like my father, those with underlying illnesses, and our infants are depending on this. Think of the poor mama whose child has been suffering from cancer. They have been stuck in the hospital for who knows how long. They get to FINALLY come home and she of course has to go to the grocery and into public to stock her home. Don’t be selfish and be out bringing all those germs that can land on her and she can bring home to that child. OF COURSE there will be times you have to go, but be patient and go when you need to. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T HOARD THE TOILET PAPER! I had to say that, but I am scratching my head at what the heck is that all about? Point is, guys, I know it is hard. Trust me I know. I have an eight year old. But, we need to be sensitive to those at risk. They are all around us. My dad, my neighbor with diabetes, my neighbor with cancer, my neighbors mother in law, my college roommates daughter with CF….the list goes on and on. I bet if you took a pen to paper you would find on your block alone there is at least one person who falls into “HIGH RISK”, be aware and be smart and be like Jesus! STAY HOME unless you need to go out and when you do go out, don’t hoard! Share with your neighbors. It is very simple: The law of radiation and attraction. You get what you give! Give love, get love. Be crappy, get crap! You get the point. Be like Jesus! Emulate LOVE. Emulate compassion. Emulate patience. Emulate selflessness! BE LIKE JESUS! If everyone did this imagine how much more compassion and kindness would be in this world.
Be Smart! This kind of falls with number two, but I also think it falls into what you hear everyone saying. Drink your water. Eat your fruits. Eat your veggies. Take your vitamins. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. And stay positive. If that means turning off the news and distancing yourself from it, do it!!! Negative thoughts can literally bring down your immune system. So if the news is bringing you down, don’t watch it!!!!! Watch your alcohol intake. It is proven to be a depressant. If you find your are struggling mentally or slower the day after you have had a cocktail or two, maybe you should rethink booze until this is over. Is that buzz really worth your mindset and your immune system. I guess only you can decide that. For me no. I have three boys, a husband, and an elderly father counting on me, not to mention myself! I got dreams I have yet to fulfill!!!!! So be smart. Listen to your body. If you are tired sleep. If you are antsy go for a walk or better yet dance! If you are sad, stop the booze and don’t watch TV! Try journaling your thoughts and feelings. Listen to a podcast. Meditate. Do a puzzle. Play ping pong! There are all kinds of things you can do to change your mindset. Find what works for you and do it.
When you put these three things into place, or if you put them into place, you might be surprised at the peace that overcomes you. Peace that should not be there. Peace that you cannot explain. Peace that is warm.
Do you want that kind of Peace? I know I do. So will you join me and everyday for the next 8 weeks and get up and start your day with God? If you answered yes to that question here is what I am asking:
Order SOLO: an Uncommon Devotional
Join the SOLO facebook group (I can help you here, just message me and let me know you want to join.)
Don’t worry about catching up! Start with Day one and go at your own pace! Trust me on this. I am behind too and GODS TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT! TRUST ME! You will be amazed at how whatever day you are on….whether it is day 1, day 68, or the actual day….the message will be perfect for you and will bring you so much peace.
For those of you who do not want to join you too can still join us every morning in quiet time. Cry out to God. Get to know Him. He is chasing after you. He is chasing after me. And he is chasing after our world. I just know He is and I have so much peace in knowing Him and relying on Him. He is there. He is here. He is everywhere! He is with us!
Until next time,
XO,
AMY
You Light Up My Life!
Baby Bear! It is YOUR birthday and I cannot believe that in 365 days from now you will be 18! Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday you were holding that bottle in between your teeth and dragging that blankie around! Oh that blankie!!!!! Such memories! I can still smell it! NO LIE! But what I would do to erase time and go back to that stinky blankie!
Why erase time and go back? Because there were times I was not at my best and I know there were times I could have done better. Yes ,you have had a wonderful life, but as your mom I know there were times I could have done better. For instance, when I kept making you play football! I am so sorry for that. I know you forgive me and all I can give you is the acknowledgement that I know that I could have done better there. I am sorry. I know there are many more. The point is I want you to know I love you!
Here is the deal, I know you know I love you. I also know we will still have rough patches. What I want you to know son is I will always love you. ALWAYS!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!! You bring me so much joy and light! It’s not just one way that you shine either JP, but a million different ways that you light up my life. You are such a gift! And not just to me and our family, but to the world!
So on this 17th birthday my darling JP remember this: “Keep Shining Beautiful One! The world needs your light!”
Happy Birthday MY JP!
IWALY!
Mom
Surrender and Obey
2020 here you are! Ready or not, which I was not, BUT here you are! Funny thing is normally I am way ahead of the game when it comes to new year, goals, words, resolutions, which I do not do, or whatever new comes with the new year, but this year I found myself frozen. Frozen solid! I could not muster the energy to write, to read, to plan, to organize, to do anything really! Why?
I will tell you some of the reasons why. Comparison, among other things, but if I am being honest, comparison is one real reason why. I would see people on their insta stories doing their vision boards, still have not done mine, talking of their resolutions, their dreams, giving their word for 2020, they would be so happy, God are they happy, AND perfect….oh so perfect… all the while I was frozen, hurting, scared, and screaming inside.
Screaming, “WHY GOD! WHY?” 2020 has been rough and we are only three weeks in. So I have decided to raise my hands and surrender! Yep SURRENDER! I give up! I am giving up! You heard me! Giving the you know blankety blank blank up!
What does that mean? It means I am admitting right here, right now, I am powerless! I am powerless over a lot of things going on and I am surrendering! I am surrendering to God because I know if anyone can bring some kind of peace back to my world it is Him. Let’s face it, this world is hurting. I am hurting. My family is hurting, and the only hope I have is in God. So I will surrender!
So my word for 2020 is officially SURRENDER but I would like to tack on OBEY….I feel in order to truly surrender I need to obey God. I need to surrender to God and be obedient so I can know what to do. What HE wants me to do, which Lord knows He might have to hit me over the head with a frying pan for me to get it….All I know is I am ready to do what it is He wants me to do. That is scary to say even, but I firmly believe if I surrender, fully surrender, to Him, He will show me the way. But, I also know it is not enough to just surrender. I know I will have to surrender over and over and over and over again….all day long….and it will not just be enough to surrender. I MUST be obedient and DO IT!!!! Lord help me is not enough….LORD HELP ME TO WALK OUT AND OBEY….That is what it needs to be.
So for the next 12 months I will go into detail of how I have personally broken down my word to apply it to my life. Maybe just maybe it will help you on your journey….if not you, maybe someone else.
Here’s to 2020 and here’s to not only surrendering, but to truly being obedient!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
A Worthy Woman
After much reflection on my past decades I am sitting in my 40’s and I am sitting in disbelief, awe, and what the hell….to be quite frank.
My 40’s started off with a bang when I found out we were pregnant with our sweet Graeme bear. Who knew you could get pregnant after 40 AND after the doctors told you it is out of the question? I guess God knew because here I am 9 years later with an almost 9 year old! So, long decade short, my forty’s started off with a miracle! And as I sit here today with a difficult situation happening around me I know in my heart my 40’s will end in a miracle. The road to that miracle might not be smooth, but it will be a miracle.
This is us….all of us….so much love and so many miracles right here.
Forty for me has been a decade of growth. Growth in personal development, growth in love, growth in compassion, growth in strength, growth in perseverance, growth in gratitude, and growth in my faith.
Each area of growth has been a long time coming when I look back on my past. Most areas have been easy to grow in and honestly natural. A few however have been a struggle. My faith for instance has honestly been difficult. Some days I find myself rocking my relationship with God and other days I find myself cussing him out. True story! Some days I find myself excited to wake up and spend time with him, some I find on my knees begging him to listen, and, if I am being honest with you, which I always am, sometimes like yesterday I find myself yelling, “Fuck you God! I am out the Devil wins!” This my friends is no lie and my poor mom is rolling over in her grave that I admitted that and that I said that word, and typed it! Sorry Mom….Rest in Peace. I made up with God today…. for right now at least. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Point is sometimes growth is two steps forward and ten back. What you do in the backslide is what is important. Thank God with all the other areas of growth I usually snap out of it and keep on keeping on….something I have gotten fairly good at over the decades.
As I look back on each decade I see something about myself that makes sense to who I am today. I look at the good times and the bad times and I realize it has ALL molded me into who I am right now. A strong, confident, tenacious, persistent, sometimes stubborn, compassionate, honest, worthy woman. And I am proud of her…..I love her…..
A Worthy Woman…..
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
a worthy woman
First Came Love....Nine Years Later Came Marriage
Amy and Trey sitting in a tree…K I S S I N G! First came love and nine damn years later came marriage and wham bam 12 months later came Will in a baby carriage!
Welcome home Will Berry!!!!
This is LITERALLY how my 30’s started, but first we had to make it through a plane crash! And when I say “we” I mean Trey! You heard that right! In May of 2000 my amazing husband survived a plane crash while doing work ups for the US Navy off the coast of California.
Would you believe he was out of the hospital in less than 8 hours! So this young, dumb, in love, fiance, thought nothing of it and kept on planning their wedding and never thought twice about it until recently. BIG mistake. The brain is a funny thing and trauma can resurface in odd and weird ways! But, hey! That is my forties and we are in my thirties!
My thirties were miraculous in that I became a wife and a mom! We got married on December 30, 2000, moved to California, and two short weeks later, Trey was off the coast of California preparing to go overseas for six months. We lived in a house on Silver Strand Beach with 5 other guys in which Trey’s squadron dubbed it the snake ranch with a flower. I have to say looking back I think to myself, “What the heck was I thinking?” But, I also have to say I had a blast with those guys!!!!! We cooked together, hung out, watched Survivor, and just had a blast. I never was alone and I never felt unsafe in my new surroundings. It was like I had four body guards and Trey! It was awesome! They took care of me and welcomed me with open arms.
In February, just before Trey got sent overseas, we FINALLY got to have our honeymoon. One thing is for sure. When you are a military spouse you learn real quick to be flexible and I think that was a great lesson for me. I had to learn to bend and realize that honeymoons might not happen in the traditional sense, the day after the wedding, Christmas for us might not be spent on December 25th, or birthdays and anniversaries might not be spent on their actual day, and I learned it was o.k. My life did not crumble. Just typing this I realize I probably learned a lot about that while working with my kids with cancer because it never bothered me and when we did finally get to be together I just really appreciated the time and was so grateful for it.
Trey left in March of 2001 for six months and I got to meet him over in Australia for a few weeks. My dear friend Dana came with me and we had a ball. We flew into Sydney and met the ship the next day and the adventure began! Australia is such a neat place and Trey and I have so many wonderful memories there, but the biggest memory we have is Sydney, Australia is where Will Berry was conceived! Yep! On the US Constellation! (That is a story for another day!) I use to kid with Will and tell him if he was a girl I would have named him Connie, but that is not true, I was going to name him Sydney if he was a girl, but it is a mute point, because, well, because he is a boy and he is my Will!!!!!
I had no idea we had conceived Will until about a month after I was back in the states and I was so sick! So sick, I came back to Texas and my mother in law and mother had to take care of me. I had terrible hyperemesis, but again, looking back God knew what he was doing because I got to be here to spend more time with Leah. Matter of fact Leah was with me the day I found out the sex of the baby. I remember that day like it was yesterday. When the nurse announced it was a boy, she got up and bolted from the room. Poor thing was so sad. She desperately wanted me to have a girl so I could name her after her and thank God for my mother in law’s quick thinking because she immediately said, “Well, his name will be William which is the male form of Leah!” Leah bought it and life was good!!!!!
In September of 2001 Trey called to say he was coming home from the middle east!!!!! He told me he was flying home a few days earlier than the ship. I was so excited! It was September 10, 2001 and I was back in California waiting for Trey to get home! He landed around 5 that afternoon, we had dinner with his grandparents, aunt, and mom and then we went home to be alone. We had our own little place on Silver Strand now and it was right on the beach. I remember waking up VERY early the next morning to our phones ringing and I clearly remember the sun coming up over the water and I could hear Trey’s father’s voice saying, “Turn on the T.V.”. We did and well, you know what was happening. I remember being so scared. The phone started ringing again and it was Trey’s Commanding Officer who was still en route on the U.S. Constellation telling Trey to pack his bags they were turning around and going back. This was a terrorist attack and this meant war. I was devastated and if I am being honest I truly was thinking, “This is it. My husband is going to war and is going to die. He will never meet our child.” Needless to say I was a mess.
Trey thankfully did not have to go back to the middle east, but he did fly patrol over New York and Washington DC, which for me gave me comfort because he was state side. I am not sure why, because they took those towers down with all those innocent people in it and that was state side, but for whatever reason I was able to cope. I am thankful for that.
Will Berry came 6 weeks early on December 9, 2001 and I became a mom! What a true miracle! And by January 30, 2002 we were moving across the country to Mississippi. What a whirlwind! We moved to Meridian, Mississippi in February 2002 and Meridian is where my sweet John Paul Berry was born! February 21, 2003. Yet another miraculous day in my life! And he too came 6 weeks early!!!!!
Welcome home John Paul Berry!
So in Meridian I found myself the mom of two active little boys, 14 months a part. A military pilot’s wife and it is when I officially left the Catholic Church. This was big for me! Growing up my father was my Sunday School instructor, we were in Church every Sunday, and people use to kid that my dad thought he was the Pope and my mom was like a nun! She said her rosary daily, almost until the day she died, and if something big was going on in your life she would not hesitate to pull out a Novena. For those of you who are not Catholic or a recovering Catholic like myself, a Novena is basically a thirty day prayer, but it is intense. So leaving the church was hard for me. However, we found the most amazing Church in Meridian. Northpointe Presbyterian Church. What an amazing church and what an amazing community.
Bob Bates was our Pastor and he and his sweet wife, Julie, along with all the amazing members welcomed our little family with open arms. I have so many amazing memories there, but here is one memory that has stuck with me. Being Catholic, I was not raised to pray from the heart, we did not do bible studies, we did not memorize scripture. I actually memorized prayers, which I say to this day, and I am not knocking my faith, it was just different. I remember being in a Bible Study at the church and the story of the rainbow and Noah’s ark came up. As God as my witness I never really grasped that the rainbow was a sign from God and a promise!!!! Now I am not blaming my Catholic upbringing or dogging it, but I am saying it was in that very moment I knew I had a lot of catching up to do! (Still do!) It was in that moment I knew I wanted to go deeper and get to know the bible! It was in that moment I chose to grow in my faith. Like I said, not bagging on my past, but for me this was a pivotal time and one I will forever be grateful for and it was because of that amazing community at Northpointe that I truly started to grow in my faith. Which now I know came at just the right time!!!!!
We were in Meridian from 2002 until 2005 when we moved back to Dallas. That was a little traumatic for us. Trey got out of the military and honestly I don’t think the military does a good job at helping you transition for military life to civilian life. It is quite a change and it is hard on marriages and families. Really hard. When we got back to Dallas I tried desperately to go back to how life was before I left here. I went back to work, tried rekindling relationships with friends I had before I left, and tried to go back to the Catholic Church. All of this made me miserable. Everything had changed and I HAD CHANGED!!!!! It had been five years and nothing was the same. Trey was struggling because he was working for Southwest AND flying for the reserves out of Fort Worth, so two jobs, and an angry wife. That was not a pretty time. It was actually one of our darkest times, but we fought like mad to not give up! Why? Because we were growing in our faith and we fought for that.
It is not easy when your marriage is out of sorts, you are feeling disconnected, and you have no church family. I seriously wonder how people do it with out a church home and a church family? Seriously!!!! We were a mess and desperately trying to find a church home. I am proud to say we FINALLY found a church one as that was so hard with so many choices here in Dallas! North Park Presbyterian was were we settled and yet again it was right where God wanted us. Our amazing pastor, Pastor Rich, truly was a life line for Trey and I. Through his counsel and yet again the amazing members, we made it through that terrible time and we made it through all the more stronger; which helped us to settle into life in the big city of Dallas, Texas!
So as I look back on my thirties I see a gal who grew to be a strong, faith driven woman. A woman who learned to not give up in scary and unsettling times. A woman who learned to be independent when her husband was called to war. A woman who had to learn to adapt to new environments and learned one of the most important ingredients to a new place is a church home. A woman who does not give up or settle on a church home either! She turns over every stone until she knows she is in the right place. Most importantly, I see a woman who fights for her marriage and for her family whom she loves desperately and will go to the ends earth fighting for AND I see a woman who is worthy! That is what I see.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Dear Mom,
Dear Mom,
Well, here we are! Three years later and yep I still miss ya! But, I can honestly say that the saying, “Time heals,” is very true. I hate that I am saying that too because I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT SAYING! Not sure why, but maybe because the truth is I wanted more time. But, we didn’t get that and I am healing.
For a while I think I held onto the grief because in a sick way I thought it meant I loved you more and it would keep you more alive, which we all know is NOT POSSIBLE. Weird thought I know, but grief is weird and I have realized it never really ends. It changes and it goes through ALL KINDS of stages and I personally think everyone has their “own” stages. I think each individuals grief is different because each relationship is unique.
Our relationship was so unique and so special. I miss our daily 3 p.m. calls and our talks. I miss hearing you telling me about the cool gadget you ordered off of some infomercial and they way Trey and I would totally make fun of you! We still do you know! Every time we see an As Seen On TV we say, “The Red Head would have loved that!” I miss your blue eyes and your telling me about all the people you were praying for. I miss you mom! So much!!!!!! But I am ready to move to the next stage or whatever it is and not let this grief hold me back. Do you know I still have not gone to our home in Graham? I just can’t, but maybe I should. I missed my high school reunion because the truth is I did not want to see our home.
I realize now holding onto the grief is not what you would want. You would want me to remember you and the good times, which I do, but for some reason I am still holding on to sadness…..I also realize it is not a sign of weakness nor is it a lack of faith. Grief is just part of loss and it sneaks up at the weirdest moments. When it does sneak up Mom, I have learned just to feel my way through it and give myself love and grace, something you would have done for me if you were here. Oh how I wish you were here.
You are not here physically, but I know you are with me mom. You are in my heart. You are in my memories. You are in the sun when it wraps me in warmth. You are in the stars when they shine down on me. You are in heaven waiting for me and my prayer is you are with my baby and together you both know and feel my love like I feel yours.
So today as I celebrate your third heavenly birthday mom, know I love you and I am so proud you were my mom!
Happy Heavenly Birthday!
All my love,
Amy
P.S. Robin snapped this photo last night and sent it to Chuck, Paul, and I saying it was a gift to us from you. Thank you! We all really got a kick out of it!!!!! Keep sending us love……
Dear Jesus....
Dear Jesus….
Yep you read that right! I am writing a letter to Jesus and full disclosure, I am not having my amazing friend Lyndsy edit this because Jesus loves me as I am! Imperfect and flawed. Just like this letter will be. Imperfect; grammatically and however else! I woke up this morning and decided to do this and thought to myself, “Hey, it might be a mess, but so am I! And Jesus still loves me!” So……here it goes!
Dear Jesus,
Yesterday in my quiet time, I was asked to write a letter to myself from you. It was really a powerful experience and one in which I realized you adore me and today I sing, “Oh come let us adore Him.”
Jesus, do you know I do adore you? I mean sometimes my behavior, my thoughts, my actions, my words, and my feelings do not show it. But, I am in awe of you. I want to know you more. I know you know me, every last fiber in me, you know me and I want to know you!
I know you were born in a manger, with nothing but swaddling cloth. You came from Heaven above to save me, to save the world. You had a mom and a dad who really was not your dad! You were raised with nothing, but love. And that was all you needed. Love! AND love is all we need.
Yet every Christmas, I fall short of remembering this. Every Christmas I find myself wondering did I get the best gift for the kids, did I get enough for them, did I miss someone I should have given a gift to, and if I am being really honest I find myself getting myself stuff I want but really don’t need. I know this is not a sin, but it is when we forget whose birthday today really is.
Sure some people were born this very day. BUT I was not, nor were any of my kids, yet we wake up Christmas morning rearing to tear into all those gifts of what we want! Graeme was up at 3:21 am!!!!! It is all about things, but this Christmas my vow to you is to remember you. To bring you back into my home more than we already do. My vow is to remember it is your birthday. Not mine. Mine is October 22 and that is when I can get the $500 perfume I love. However, full disclosure, I got it today! Course you already know this!
Yes gift giving is fun! So fun! Matter of fact, Trey would argue gift giving is my love language. I need to read the book still so I say the verdict is out on that, but I do love seeing the joy in the receivers eyes and feeling it in my heart. It is like they are giving me a gift back. But, I truly want to remember the meaning of December 25.
Do I think you care that I give gifts? No, I really don’t. As a matter of fact I think you get a kick out of it when someone gives a very thoughtful gift. I think that brings you joy to see the receivers joy and the love exchanged by the two. However, I do think you get sad with all the commercialization that has come with Christmas. The over the top decor, the parties, the pressures of the cards and gifts. This is not what you intended. So this Christmas I have simplified and as I sit here writing this letter to you I realize I have enjoyed this season even more.
You know I do not do Christmas Cards anymore and funny thing, even my Hubby wishes I did. But, I don’t! I did not do them in 2016 when my mom was sick and dying and I realized everyone still liked me. Some say they miss them, but you and I both know the peace that has come from not dealing with that! 2018 I did feel some guilt and regret about it, but this year I was FREED from those feelings and it feels so good! Do I love getting Christmas Cards from others? Yes! Truth be known, but only if they LOVE doing it! Some people really do! I just don’t.
Decorating! That is what I like to do! My friend Cathy says it looks like Santa vomited in my house! Ha! I love that! And I think you are way o.k. with this too, as long as we remember why we are doing all the lights and decorations! We do it to celebrate you! A couple of years ago Trey decided we would do red and white lights outside on the house. I asked why and his response was, “The red and white would remind of us all the purity and simplicity of you in the white and the blood you shed in the red.” Another confession since I seem to be full of them today, I did not really like that idea then, now I look at them and I love them. I had to grow a little I guess.
Now I look at those lights and remember how you pour your grace on me and my family daily and how this grace is available to the world! The righteous, the unrighteous, the poor, the rich, the pretty, the ugly, the black, the white, the brown, the red, the skinny, the fat, the blonde, the curly hair, the freckled, the scarred, the just, and the unjust. Your grace is available to us all and what a gift that is and the more amazing thing is that you expect nothing back. Nothing….Even from those who persecute you. Amazing! You do not withhold your love towards anyone!!!!! What a gift!
I am not sure I can do this, but my vow to you today is to try. The more I know you the easier it is to love others. To love those that are hardest to love. To love and not expect it back. To love those who do give me something in return; hatred and malice.
So on this day, your birthday, my gift you to you is to be the best follower of you that I can be. I will try my very hardest to love everyone because I want to do my best in reflecting the love you give me. Truth be known, I am that person that is hard to love to someone out there. I know this. I have let others down, I have pulled away, I have judged, and I have been not such a great friend, and I don’t deserve there love. But I will pray today they forgive me and will pray they too will pray for me and love me even when I am unlovable. If we all did this, what a beautiful place the world would be.
Baby Jesus, I want to know you more. I want to give you more. More of me.
Happy Birthday Jesus! I am so glad it is Christmas!
I Will Always Love You!
Amy
The 90's
I have to say my twenties were a blast! BUT, there was a lot of growing up happening. It was a very bi-polarish time for me! However, with that being said, I would not change any of it for the world. I am realizing now that certain people really do come into your life and sometimes only for a brief time, but for very good reasons. Looking back, I look at each person as a gift and a treasure. Truly, because without that individual, I would not be who I am today. So for every heartache, for every party, for every loss, for every gain, I am forever grateful.
I started out my college career at The University of North Texas. I really had NO CLUE what I wanted to major in and I think I changed it four times before I settled on Communications. I still am not sure what I want to be when I grow up if I am being honest, but I can tell you I LOVED communication classes and I LOVED giving speeches! So it seemed like the best fit. I pledged Kappa Kappa Gamma and I am proud to say we were the first Kappa pledge class at UNT. It was a very exciting and fun time for me. I met some amazing gals who really are true leaders today, but one thing is for sure, they always had my back in college.
1991 was a HUGE year for me. It is when I met Trey. I will never forget that day as long as I live and Julie Lane Schragin is proof that this happened!!!!! It was the VERY beginning of the school year at UNT and it was a stormy day. I remember we were monitoring the doors of the Physical Education Building, that was our job, and I saw Trey walking down the large hall towards the gym and I clearly remember saying, “I am going to marry that guy!” And would you believe he did not have his college ID so we could not let him in! I was devastated! For months though he would come to the gym and if I was checking out equipment I would just stare at his ID because if you checked out equipment we kept your ID until you returned it!!!!! I remember thinking he was so dreamy!
I did that for 4 months until I finally got up the nerve and I ASKED HIM OUT! Pitiful! I know, but it just shows you yet another pattern; IF AMY FOLEY BERRY WANTS SOMETHING SHE AIN’T AFRAID TO ASK! He said yes and well the rest is history! Kind of!!!!!
At the end of that school year, Trey was returning back to Texas A & M as he was only at UNT for two semesters for a specific certification that UNT offered. So what did I do? Well, I did what any normal SENIOR in college would do! I transferred to Blinn College, which for those of you who do not know Blinn, that is a two year program. AND before anyone jumps on me I am not knocking two year programs! As a matter of fact I LOVE JUNIOR COLLEGES! Why? Well, for a number of reasons but mainly because it cost a lot less and you can get your boring basics out of the way at discounted price! A HUGE discount I might add. You just have to be smart and make sure everything transfers over, but most people do not transfer into a Junior College their Senior year of a four year program…..BUT AMY FOLEY BERRY sure does! Especially when she is in love!
Bob Foley was not too pleased with me at this time in life! And that is a funny story in and of itself….I just want you to remember he thought I was NUTS and I had lost my mind! Well, I knew what I was doing! I promise! I did it all for love! Ha!
While at Blinn I went to work for the Colonel. He was the dean of students and he had a military background. God knew what he was doing when he opened that door up! What a life experience. I learned a lot about time management, priorities, people skills, hard work, and respect of others and their time. The biggest lesson he taught me was how important it was to get to know your instructor no matter how big or small your class is. That helped me so much when I transitioned into A & M the next semester. What a change that was for me! Going from mid size classes at UNT to very small and intimate at Blinn and then WHAM I was in the middle of the ocean of Texas A & M and the only life raft I had was my communication skills! Thanks to the Colonel I did just fine there and when I transferred back to UNT. YEP! You read that right! I transferred back to UNT! Why? Well, because I liked to keep my parents on their toes! That’s why!!!!
No! Not really. The truth is Trey graduated in May and when I spoke to the Dean of the Communications school it was going to take me another 1-2 years to graduate. I did not like that idea because honestly I did not enjoy school. I remember driving up to UNT in the beginning of May and went straight to their communication department and we worked it out to where if I took 18 hours in the summer and 18 in the fall I could graduate. Trey told me if I did that we could get married. I was so excited what do you think I did? I took my tail back to UNT and buckled down and graduated so we could get married! Well, folks we did not get married!!!! Matter of fact we broke up a little less than a year after I graduated! Am I bitter about that? Nope because I learned a lot about hard work, creative problem solving, and I learned if someone is madly in love, well, there is not a lot you can do to change their mind. Trust me! No one was changing mine! I am proud to say even with all that chaos, I graduated on the deans list with at 3.95 and I did it my way and I would not change any of it!
From there I went to work for my father at Buzz Print slinging ink across Dallas, Texas! What a fun job sales is! I LOVED almost every aspect of it! The game, the challenge, the getting to meet new people all the time, and the sheer adrenaline rush when you landed the big deal! What I did not love was when things went wrong. I had quite a temper so much so my baby brother Paul nicknamed me Tawanda! I could get pretty nasty. But, over time I am proud to say I have learned to tame that temper. It took A LOT of years though! A LOT!!!!!
While working at Buzz Print I decided I wanted to run a marathon. Not really sure why because I ABHOR running! But I signed up through The Leukemia Society of America. This might have been the BEST thing that happened to me in my mid 20’s because it quickly brought me out of a very selfish time in life and showed me the gift of serving. My first patient I ran for was a little girl by the name of Jennifer. She was the cutest, most shy, little cutie pie. Her mama and I became really good friends and through Donna and Jennifer I met many other kids with cancer. So many that I let my little chicken butt, Lea, talk me into doing another marathon because that is what you do when you hate running. You run more!!!!! Before I knew it I had my little tribe. Lea, Cooper, Jennifer, and Kaityln. These kiddos and their families were my life. I got to know their doctors, their nurses, and their siblings. I learned so much about strength, courage, faith, guts, advocating for oneself and for your child, and what is really important in life. News flash…..it ain’t what car you drive or purse you carry. It is the time we have with each other….Just sayin….because of my little tribe and their lives I got to not only be a part of The Leukemia Society of America but I got to be a part of The Clayton Dabney Foundation and Challenge Aspen. What an honor and what a privilege. I will never forget that period in my life. Ever. I grew up so much and I cherish those memories, those families, and those individuals who believed in me and let me participate. And now I have an angel in heaven who watches over me daily.
While all of this was taking place Trey and I were doing the dance of on again off again….It happens and now I know it happens for lots of reasons, one being growth. If Trey and I had gotten married back in 1993 I would have missed out on so much and who knows where we would be today. I firmly believe we would still be married, but it would sure look different. We would look different. I am happy with how we look now!
When Trey finally did propose, as God as my witness we were not even dating! But, somehow we both knew! And I reminded my dad of that little girl who followed that young boy to College Station her senior year of college and I reminded him that in my heart I knew what was best!
So as I look back on my 20’s I look back with all kinds of pride, all kinds of giggles, and all kinds of joy! I realize that I do go after what I want even when someone that means the world to me does not believe in it. If I believe in it that is all that matters. I see that I do have a sweet spot for children with disabilities and terminal illnesses and I see I have a passion for living life with them even when they know they will not experience a full life. I see here again an area where I was able to use my passion for motivating and inspiring and how much I love to help people see how each of us is worthy. No matter what cards life has dealt us we are worthy and we are special and we deserve love. No matter what you are worthy of love!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
2020 Has This Girl Thinking…..
Can you believe it is going to be 2020!!!!! This is so amazing to me and I keep pondering how back in 1999 everyone and their dog was worried about Y2K and the world coming to an end. I don’t really hear a lot of that now which is good news, but I am sure that is because the world is watching our country divided about whether to impeach el presidente or not! I DIGRESS BAD!!!!!! So Sorry!!!!!
I will say 2020 has me thinking about my life in general. Maybe because I will be a half of a century come October, maybe because my first born will be going to college, or maybe because with the loss of my mom I realize how fast time flies. I don’t know why, but I know it has me in serious thought. Does it you?
I decided to do an exercise and break down my life by decades. Why? Well, I am realizing when I do this and really reflect on who I was and who I have become a lot of the past is what has molded me into the human I am today. Which I am proud to say, I kind of like me. Do you like you? If not, might I suggest you do this exercise along with me? You might find it very healing and insightful.
I decided to combine my first two decades because I don’t remember much before third grade. I remember bits and pieces. I have very fond memories of growing up in Graham, Texas. I went to Woodland Elementary and I remember I loved walking to kindergarten with my friend Robin Faust. I also remember she and my best friend Ginger Nees getting very close at that time and I was SUPER JEALOUS! So the lesson here is it starts young with girls, the jealousy, the envy, and the mean girl mess…. it is nothing new it has always been around. Stupid, petty, uncalled for meanness. So sad really, but hey, it is part of being human.
My memories of Woodland Elementary include going to the library and checking out the book, The Value of Determination: The Story of Helen Keller, by Ann Donegan Johnson. I remember being so fascinated by Helen Keller’s story on a number of levels. Her sheer determination, the way she overcame all kinds of obstacles, and her care giver/teacher Ann Sullivan. I was fascinated by Ann Sullivan’s way of getting personal with Helen and making Helen feel so special and helping her to see she could do whatever she set her mind to do. I think this is when my passion towards people with special needs began. I remember and I am proud to say I am still in touch somewhat with my third grade teacher, Mrs. Hardin. She was a gem. A gem that cared dearly about her students and made a huge difference in our lives. I broke my leg and she literally put my desk right next to hers and took such good care of me. I remember there was a tornado once and we had to take cover and God as my witness I pooped my pants! No lie! Would you believe Mrs. Hardin quietly took me to the office, got someone to cover for her, and drove me home. I even remember her car. It was a green rabbit! Ha!!!! And she use to give us peanut butter out of a huge can on brown paper towels daily to help us keep our brain working! Things that would NEVER happen now, but probably should!!!! A high protein snack mid day might help the young ones concentrate and not be so crazy!
I remember this outfit!!!! I loved it so much! I was so proud of those boots and that sweater skirt get up!!!!!
I remember in 5th grade, a gal by the name of Tracy, who had an orange wheel chair use to come to Mrs. Rosie Steel’s class. Steven Ranger and I sat in the back of the room and Tracy would be wheeled in and I would chat with her. Looking back now I think Tracy probably had cerebral palsy, but no one really told me. All I know is her hands were curled up and she could not speak. She could only move her head and make noises, but she and I had our own language. So much so that she started bringing me Juicy Fruit gum. Now every time I see Juicy Fruit I think of Tracy and wonder what ever happened to her.
Between Helen Keller and Tracy, not to mention having a mother that was damn near Mother Teresa, forgive me for cursing Mom, I really do believe that is where my compassion and love for those with special needs was planted. I learned so much from her and the biggest lesson I learned is everyone in the world has a problem of some sort. We all do. It is just a fact of life. What sets us all apart is those who are determined to work hard and cope with their problems, those are the happy people….those who chose to give up and blame the world….those are the unhappy people. Tracy could not walk, she could not talk, she could not control her arm or head baubles, but Tracy was happy! Even though she would never be better she was happy. I will always be grateful for that lesson.
Did I always remember that lesson? No! Especially in middle school. I am not sure what happens to us in middle school so I will just blame the hormones, but middle school is a beast! And when your mom puts your hair in Princess Leah buns on the daily, well it makes life super hard! True story!!!!! I don’t have many memories, but I remember the library again! Weird, writing this shows me where I got my love for reading, but my best friend Ginger’s grandmother, Mee Maw, was our librarian and somehow I was lucky enough to get Library for homeroom? I don’t know how, but I remember getting to go daily one year and I got the back table with three other people. It was AWESOME! I remember Mr. Green Jeans for Science and I am sad to say I cannot remember what his real name was!!!!! I had Ms. Swope for Social Studies and Ms. Guinn with green eyebrows, no lie, for Math! Mrs. Jones was one of my math teachers as well and pretty much that is all I remember, with the exception of the most humiliating experience of my life. Trying out for cheerleader and not making it! Most embarrassing thing EVER!!!!! I remember running down the hall to Mrs. Sebastians room and just bawling!!!! She was not my teacher, but she was one of those teachers who had compassion and you just knew it so she was who I ran to that day. The worst day of my middle school career! Worse than when I started my period!!!! FOR REALS!!!!
Yall! Bless it!!!!!
I recovered and made it to High School where I have so many fond memories. My first kiss, wrecking Ginger’s convertible bug into our Vice Principal’s daughters car, Friday night lights, my first real love, getting kicked out of confirmation by Father Ned because I was questioning my faith, and so much more, but my fondest memories are of the people who loved me through some really rough times.
I was 16 when I came home one day and told my mom I was angry, sad, and was not for sure what the point to life was. Looking back I now know where I get my ability to face stuff with our kids head on and not be afraid to ask for help when we need it. My mom! I remember she loaded my rear end up in the car right then and there and took me to the clinic and let them know we had an emergency and had to be seen. I remember Dr. Nesbit was so gracious and saw us and I just cried. He told my mom he thought I had depression and he would like to medicate me with Tofranil. I remember this day like it was yesterday. My mom was amazing and agreed to the medicine, which back in the 80’s carried a huge stigma. I am so proud of her and so grateful to her for this. To this day, I still see people put a stigma on depression and medication and I am here to tell you I am here today because my mom knew me, really knew me, and knew I needed help. AND she use to always say, “It is no different than a diabetic who needs insulin.” You know what? She is and was right! Another thing she was right on, was she told me to find a teacher I trusted and open up to them. Well, I did. Not sure how much I opened up, but Mrs. Morris got me. She got me so much she got our high school counselor Mrs. King involved. Between the two of them, my mom, and my amazing dance teacher, Renee, I got stabilized and I was able to enjoy the rest of my high school career. But, it was really hard for part of it. So hard I wanted to give up, but something about them believing in me, loving me where I was at, which was a very dark place, and putting up with me, made me not want to give up. Not to mention my tribe of girls, Ginger, Lara, and Mary. They kept me grounded and they loved me even when I was unlovable.
Looking back on that time I realize dance and theater saved me. My dance teacher Renee was like a sister to me and my theater coach, Mr. Cody, well he made me believe I was capable of anything I wanted to do or be on that stage. I loved getting lost in a play or a dance and now I know why I love dance. For one hour every day, I get to only concentrate on the music, the counts, the movement, and the feeling. It is so wonderful to turn my mind off to the outside “STUFF” and just listen, feel, move, and shine. Shine bright!!!!! Everyone should be so lucky as to find the one thing they can do daily and just get lost. What is that for you?
Bless us! Can you find me? I think this is circa 1985…..
So as I look back on my first two decades of life, I am starting to see how or why I love certain things. Who or what had an influence on me and helped be a part of making me into the human I am becoming. The human being who is constantly evolving and who is realizing her story. The story of Amy Foley Berry. The story of a worthy girl. A girl with determination, compassion, honesty, grit, love, and faith.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Great book for kiddos!!!!! Actual all of the Valuetales are great books! Great Christmas gift!!!!
Juicy fruit gum always reminds me of Tracy and the value of life is hard but I get a choice to be happy or not….which way will you choose? Chew some Juicy Fruit and think about it!!!!!
The Slow Break UP
Dear Will,
Today you turn 18! I can hardly wrap my head around this and I can assure you I cannot wrap my heart around it. I know in my head I should be so happy, but I would be lying if I told you I was. Why? Because my heart is crushing inside. Crushing because you are becoming a man and I don’t think I am prepared for this and I don’t think there is a rule book out there to help me get ready.
Where is my little boy?
Miss Rainey sent me a post about this, just this the other day. Thank God I waited until later in the day to open it because I was a blubbering idiot by the time I was through listening to it. However, everything the post touched on talked to me. It is a slow break up watching you and your brothers grow up and become men. Yes it is the natural order, but no it does not feel good. And YES I feel so selfish because there are too many moms out there who do not even get the chance to experience this day because their sweet children have left this earth and have wings now. I know that all too well after all my work with kiddos with cancer back in the day.
Did you know Will that my dream use to be to have a camp for terminally ill kids? Did you know you got to experience that with me when you were only 7 months old? You and I flew to Aspen, Colorado to spread the ashes of one of my amazing kids at the camp I use to go to with kiddos with all kinds of special needs. That was my last time to go to Challenge Aspen. When Lea died, a part of me died, so I know how selfish I am being by not wanting to let you go. Lea was not even my own, but she sure felt like it. I am so grateful to Cindy and Steve and all the time they allowed me with her…..but how selfish can I be when I have experienced so many kids like Lea not making it to this stage in life?
Sweet Lea!
It’s funny too because I cannot speak from experience on this with girls, but I sure can with boys, and you have already stuck your foot outside the nest if you will. What do I mean by this? I mean, the minute you and your brother hit high school and started experiencing real independence you truly just used our home for room and board. I don’t mean this in a negative way either. I mean this in the way that maybe that is how God designed it. To make it easier on us mamas with young men.
So son, today, to the world you are no longer a boy, but a man…..I think for me a part of you will always be my little boy, but I am so incredibly proud of the young man you have become. I am in awe of your ability to stand up for what you believe in, your creativity, your work ethic, your ability with others and how kind you are, your love and patience with your father and I, your ability to forgive me quickly when I have made a mistake in this job of motherhood, your uncanny way of knowing when I am struggling emotionally and the way you are there for me, your patience with my mom when she was alive and now my father, your love for your brothers, the way you stand up for John Paul and who he chooses to love, your courage to start your own business, your grit and determination with your business, your willingness to be open and honest with your father and I, and the courage to always speak to us, even when the topic is ugly, and your sense of wonder for the world amazes me. YOU MY BOY AMAZE ME! You will go far my love and you will do well. You can be and do anything you want to Will Berry! I believe in you!
So you growing up and “breaking up with me” means I have done my job…..It hurts like hell though, even though this is what I want and what you need. I want for you to grow up I also know I am capable and will let you go because my biggest desire is for you and your brothers to have a healthy, wonderfully beautiful, fulfilled life. Well, the only way you guys can do that is by leaving the nest.
Just remember Will, I will always be your mom and I will always love! No matter what I will always love you. But I am no longer the sun in which you spin around…..So while I learn our new relationship and how and what is appropriate to express my love for you, please know son I am so proud of you and I love you to the moon and back and fifty million times over!
Love you most said it last!!!!!
Happy Birthday Will!
LYMSIL,
Mom
Simple Supper Suggestions #19
I cannot believe Christmas is less than 17 days away! Crazy!!!!! With all the parties and hustle and bustle the last thing I want to think about is cooking and I am sure it is the same for you or at least most of you. So for the next couple of weeks I can assure you the meals will be quick and easy because it is about to get busy up in here!!!!!
Sunday we will be doing our usual Spaghetti Sunday which is so easy, especially if you get into the habit of doing it every week. You can darn near do it in your sleep!!!!!
Monday is my oldest son, Will’s, 18th birthday. He has asked to go out to eat and for Sprinkles Red Velvet Cupcakes! So I am off the clock!!! Probably a good thing as I will be an emotional mess thinking about the fact that my first born is 18 already!!!!!
My beautiful boy!!!!!
Tuesday I have a Christmas Party with my Dallas Country Club Students so I will be making Tacos via the crock pot which is always a life saver!
Wednesday Trey and I have a Christmas Dinner with some friends so I will be making Miss Andrea’s Kings Ranch Chicken for the kids! So easy and such a crowd pleaser!
Thursday is JP’s Holiday Concert so again I need it to be super easy so we will be having Red Beans and Rice for the hectic life! I think I will double it so we can munch on it all weekend as well!
That in a nutshell is what we will be eating this week! What will you be having?
Until Next Time!
XO,
Amy
October/November Book Review
With all the broken necks and weird super bugs that hit our household these past two months I got behind on my book review. But, never fear, it is here.
These past two months I read a couple of memoirs, some interesting books that really had me thinking, and one chick lit that I LOVED!!!!! I think I need to do more chic lit in December to keep things light with the holidays, so if anyone has any suggestions PLEASE help a sister out!!!! I need to chillax on the serious stuff I think!
So I took a tiny Enneagram workshop at my church in February and it really had me intrigued. I decided to pick up the book they spoke about and go deeper. I got The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Con and Suzanne Stable. I was so fascinated by this book that I subscribed to their podcast and I am working my way through it now. The book is pretty easy to grasp, but if you are like me and really want to understand people, well, I highly suggest getting the book and listening to the podcast. Basically in a nutshell this is a personality typing if you will. What I LOVE about it though, is it does not box you in to any personality and it really helped me understand how my weakness can become strengths and honestly visa versa. Raising teens in this day and age is hard and this book has helped me understand and RESPECT my teens and what makes them tic. That alone makes this book worth its weight in gold as far as I am concerned. Do I recommend this book for everyone? Only if you are ready to level up and respect people for all of their gifts….the good, the bad, and the ugly…..when we all do this, the world will be a little bit brighter. Unfortunately some people do not want or desire to do this….and that is why we are human. BUT if you want to be more like Jesus, RUN, do NOT pass GO, and get this book!!!!!
While listening to The Road Back to You Podcast I heard an interview with Sarah Thebarge who wrote The Invisible Girls: A Memoir. Well, I fell in love with her during the interview and I had to get her book as I was so touched by her heart and her strength. Sarah is a survivor of breast cancer and a lot of her story is how she coped with that while finding her way back to God. I resonated with this part of her story simply because I found myself wondering if God was really God a time or two in my life and I too have learned that by helping others we tend to let go and let God if you will. Great read. Easy read because the chapters are short which always leaves me thinking…..”Oh just one more, they are short chapters.” And the next thing you know it is midnight thirty and I have to get up at 5:45 am!!!!! That is always a sign of a good book for me!
Next I went with a book my brother in law Tom suggested on his Facebook page. Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. This is my first Gladwell book and I have to say he is a fascinating dude! I think his point that we are terrible at talking to strangers is well driven home, but I will say he falls short on giving us any kind of advice on how to. What I do know is that I was fascinated by his view points. I think anyone who has to make quick judgments of others character and behavior should read this. He makes some interesting and thought provoking points. He really had me pondering a lot. So much so it took me forever to read this book because he does have you really pondering on how we see strangers. Let’s just say this book left me thinking and at a loss for words…..and that never happens! Should you read it? I say yes. If you don’t like it just return it! But, I do say yes!
After reading that heavy stuff I decided on a book my girlfriend Ashley recommended. Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover. I found this book fascinating yet heavy! In a nutshell it is about a girls account of being raised in a fundamentalist Mormon family, however, she makes it very clear that this book is not about Mormons, but about a very unhealthy and dysfunctional family. One that she survived and lived to tell about. Which in and of itself is a miracle because her father puts their family at risk a number of times. Why? I think it is because he is bi polar and not medicated. Bi polar disease when left untreated can be a nightmare and extremely dangerous for the patient and for the family members caring for the patient. What is worse, in this story, most of the family members are under the fathers spell and cannot see he is sick. This book had me wondering if many a cult leaders in the past were bi polar? It would make sense to me if that was the case and maybe then I could have a little more compassion, seeing that it is a disease controlling their mind. Maybe????? Bottom line that is what Tara has done. She survived her childhood, still loves her parents and family, but has chosen with zero bitterness to separate herself from them as a boundary for her own sanity. Now that is compassion! Great book about survival and one that goes to show we can overcome our circumstances if we choose to! Bravo Tara on your choices!!!!!
Holy Heavy! After all that I needed a break and I chose A Christmas Bliss: A Novel by Mary Kay Andrews! Can I just say this book was just what the doctor ordered!!!!! Thank you Mary Kay Andrews for bringing some love and fluff into this world!!!!! And perfect timing with Christmas right around the corner! This book is an easy read, with lovable characters, and just enough twist and turns to make for a happy ending. So if you are looking for an easy, light, chic lit read to get you through the stress of the holidays, well this is your book!!!!!
So there you have it! That is what I have been reading, what have you been reading? I would love to know!
Until January!
XO,
Amy
Simple Supper Suggestions #18
Thanksgiving is behind us and if you are like our house you have tons of leftovers! And by Sunday the family is sick of them!!!! Actually by Saturday, but we all take one for the team because waste not want not right!!!! So it is time to get back on track with our regular scheduled diet!!!!! What will you be eating this week? Here is the Berry line up!
Spaghetti Sunday for the win! It is easy and everyone loves it!!!!
Monday I am making soup and if you have any leftover turkey you can always substitute that for the chicken.
Taco Tuesday this week I want to have a fruit twist with it so I will do my Mango Tacos. So good, so fresh, and you can either do a bowl or a taco.
You can make this like a taco or a bowl!!!!
This Wednesday I will be making an easy pasta dish that everyone loves AND you can make it healthy with zoodles or make it like the kids like it with thin spaghetti!!!! So good and everyone is happy!!!!!
Thursday the Berry’s will be having a delicious sausage loaf the entire family loves! Super easy and crowd pleasy!!!!!!
Friday and Saturday I am off the clock! What will you all be eating this week? Got any recipes you would like me to try and feature here? I would love to!!!!!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
Thank You For The Storm
We have less than 40 days until 2019 comes to a close. When I look back on 2019 I am so proud! Proud of me, proud of Trey, proud of our boys, just proud!!!!! And oh so grateful!
I think most of you know by now that I hate new years resolutions and I like to do themes or words for the year. This year my theme was GUTS! To see why click here.
GUTS-The informal meaning is that the word guts is used in reference to a feeling or reaction based on an instinctive emotional response rather than considered thought.
When I look back on my family’s last year we lived the true meaning of guts! And I could not be more proud of each individual in my family or more grateful for this period of time. Would I do it again? That is one question I need to really ponder because the truth is we came out so much better and I am so thankful. Truly thankful. We are stronger, we are more resilient, we are more compassionate, we seek to understand each other, we listen, and we have respect for one another. Was that missing before? Maybe, but, I can honestly say each one of us has had a transformation for the better and we have all become better at serving one another. What a beautiful experience for a family.
Thanksgiving 2018…..
Times are tough and through it we are each learning to see what it is God is wanting to do with us during this unsure season. We have a lot of unknowns before us, but we are remembering to keep God at the front of it all. Whether it is a decision on a college, a job, a teacher, a counselor, to go with a group of friends, to go to the party, to say yes or say no, boundaries…..whatever it is we are ALL getting better at looking to God and relying on Him. Truly relying on Him. And you know what…..that takes GUTS! True Guts.
It’s hard to rely on someone you cannot see or you cannot touch. You can talk to God, but He is not going to talk back to you in the traditional way. Our family has learned to do this. We have learned to rely on God. Are we great at it? No! Were we somewhat forced to? Yes! Do we have room for improvement? Yes! Of course. Faith takes practice because fears take hold and when they do it is so easy to slip back into old behaviors, but now that my family as a whole has learned the beauty of turning our will over to God we can remind each other of this gently and compassionately. We can remind each other of the miracle of this past year and we can have hope and peace. For this I am forever grateful.
So as I look back on the past 365 days, I look back in awe and I am so grateful to God for the disaster He brought us to and through so that we could be the family He made us to be. What miracle it is to say Thank You for the Storm.
Happy Thanksgiving My Friends.
XO,
Amy
Simple Supper Suggestions #17
Well it has been brought to my attention some of you really like this…..I honestly did not think so, but I guess you do! So I will keep on keeping on. Truth is I thought it might be getting boring, but I am being told no. And the other truth is I have tons of recipes to add, but I don’t have pictures and you guys seem to think that is o.k. The REAL TRUTH is my pictures are not that great anyways so I don’t know why I worry! So I shall start adding recipes even without pictures and if you ever get a great photo of any of my recipes I would love for you to share it and I will TOTALLY give you all the credit!
So this week will be a short week because of Thanksgiving. I don’t ever make the turkey which is a real win, but I do make sides. This week I really only have to cook a meal for my family Sunday-Tuesday night so I will send you my sides and a couple of meals and we can reconvene next week! Sound like a plan?
Of course Sunday we will start with Spaghetti Sunday and I am sure my family is very excited as I have been so sick that we have not had it in a couple of weeks.
As the cook you should always test the sauce!
Monday I think we will be EXTREMELY healthy and have salmon! This recipe is amazing, my friend Elizabeth gave it to me about a year ago and I dream about it all the time!!!!!
My mouth is watering looking at this photo!
