Dear Jesus....

Dear Jesus….

Yep you read that right! I am writing a letter to Jesus and full disclosure, I am not having my amazing friend Lyndsy edit this because Jesus loves me as I am! Imperfect and flawed. Just like this letter will be. Imperfect; grammatically and however else! I woke up this morning and decided to do this and thought to myself, “Hey, it might be a mess, but so am I! And Jesus still loves me!” So……here it goes!

Dear Jesus,

Yesterday in my quiet time, I was asked to write a letter to myself from you. It was really a powerful experience and one in which I realized you adore me and today I sing, “Oh come let us adore Him.”

Jesus, do you know I do adore you? I mean sometimes my behavior, my thoughts, my actions, my words, and my feelings do not show it. But, I am in awe of you. I want to know you more. I know you know me, every last fiber in me, you know me and I want to know you!

I know you were born in a manger, with nothing but swaddling cloth. You came from Heaven above to save me, to save the world. You had a mom and a dad who really was not your dad! You were raised with nothing, but love. And that was all you needed. Love! AND love is all we need.

Yet every Christmas, I fall short of remembering this. Every Christmas I find myself wondering did I get the best gift for the kids, did I get enough for them, did I miss someone I should have given a gift to, and if I am being really honest I find myself getting myself stuff I want but really don’t need. I know this is not a sin, but it is when we forget whose birthday today really is.

Sure some people were born this very day. BUT I was not, nor were any of my kids, yet we wake up Christmas morning rearing to tear into all those gifts of what we want! Graeme was up at 3:21 am!!!!! It is all about things, but this Christmas my vow to you is to remember you. To bring you back into my home more than we already do. My vow is to remember it is your birthday. Not mine. Mine is October 22 and that is when I can get the $500 perfume I love. However, full disclosure, I got it today! Course you already know this!

Yes gift giving is fun! So fun! Matter of fact, Trey would argue gift giving is my love language. I need to read the book still so I say the verdict is out on that, but I do love seeing the joy in the receivers eyes and feeling it in my heart. It is like they are giving me a gift back. But, I truly want to remember the meaning of December 25.

Do I think you care that I give gifts? No, I really don’t. As a matter of fact I think you get a kick out of it when someone gives a very thoughtful gift. I think that brings you joy to see the receivers joy and the love exchanged by the two. However, I do think you get sad with all the commercialization that has come with Christmas. The over the top decor, the parties, the pressures of the cards and gifts. This is not what you intended. So this Christmas I have simplified and as I sit here writing this letter to you I realize I have enjoyed this season even more.

You know I do not do Christmas Cards anymore and funny thing, even my Hubby wishes I did. But, I don’t! I did not do them in 2016 when my mom was sick and dying and I realized everyone still liked me. Some say they miss them, but you and I both know the peace that has come from not dealing with that! 2018 I did feel some guilt and regret about it, but this year I was FREED from those feelings and it feels so good! Do I love getting Christmas Cards from others? Yes! Truth be known, but only if they LOVE doing it! Some people really do! I just don’t.

Decorating! That is what I like to do! My friend Cathy says it looks like Santa vomited in my house! Ha! I love that! And I think you are way o.k. with this too, as long as we remember why we are doing all the lights and decorations! We do it to celebrate you! A couple of years ago Trey decided we would do red and white lights outside on the house. I asked why and his response was, “The red and white would remind of us all the purity and simplicity of you in the white and the blood you shed in the red.” Another confession since I seem to be full of them today, I did not really like that idea then, now I look at them and I love them. I had to grow a little I guess.

Now I look at those lights and remember how you pour your grace on me and my family daily and how this grace is available to the world! The righteous, the unrighteous, the poor, the rich, the pretty, the ugly, the black, the white, the brown, the red, the skinny, the fat, the blonde, the curly hair, the freckled, the scarred, the just, and the unjust. Your grace is available to us all and what a gift that is and the more amazing thing is that you expect nothing back. Nothing….Even from those who persecute you. Amazing! You do not withhold your love towards anyone!!!!! What a gift!

I am not sure I can do this, but my vow to you today is to try. The more I know you the easier it is to love others. To love those that are hardest to love. To love and not expect it back. To love those who do give me something in return; hatred and malice.

So on this day, your birthday, my gift you to you is to be the best follower of you that I can be. I will try my very hardest to love everyone because I want to do my best in reflecting the love you give me. Truth be known, I am that person that is hard to love to someone out there. I know this. I have let others down, I have pulled away, I have judged, and I have been not such a great friend, and I don’t deserve there love. But I will pray today they forgive me and will pray they too will pray for me and love me even when I am unlovable. If we all did this, what a beautiful place the world would be.

Baby Jesus, I want to know you more. I want to give you more. More of me.

Happy Birthday Jesus! I am so glad it is Christmas!

I Will Always Love You!

Amy