Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

Well, here we are! Three years later and yep I still miss ya! But, I can honestly say that the saying, “Time heals,” is very true. I hate that I am saying that too because I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT SAYING! Not sure why, but maybe because the truth is I wanted more time. But, we didn’t get that and I am healing.

For a while I think I held onto the grief because in a sick way I thought it meant I loved you more and it would keep you more alive, which we all know is NOT POSSIBLE. Weird thought I know, but grief is weird and I have realized it never really ends. It changes and it goes through ALL KINDS of stages and I personally think everyone has their “own” stages. I think each individuals grief is different because each relationship is unique.

Our relationship was so unique and so special. I miss our daily 3 p.m. calls and our talks. I miss hearing you telling me about the cool gadget you ordered off of some infomercial and they way Trey and I would totally make fun of you! We still do you know! Every time we see an As Seen On TV we say, “The Red Head would have loved that!” I miss your blue eyes and your telling me about all the people you were praying for. I miss you mom! So much!!!!!! But I am ready to move to the next stage or whatever it is and not let this grief hold me back. Do you know I still have not gone to our home in Graham? I just can’t, but maybe I should. I missed my high school reunion because the truth is I did not want to see our home.

I realize now holding onto the grief is not what you would want. You would want me to remember you and the good times, which I do, but for some reason I am still holding on to sadness…..I also realize it is not a sign of weakness nor is it a lack of faith. Grief is just part of loss and it sneaks up at the weirdest moments. When it does sneak up Mom, I have learned just to feel my way through it and give myself love and grace, something you would have done for me if you were here. Oh how I wish you were here.

You are not here physically, but I know you are with me mom. You are in my heart. You are in my memories. You are in the sun when it wraps me in warmth. You are in the stars when they shine down on me. You are in heaven waiting for me and my prayer is you are with my baby and together you both know and feel my love like I feel yours.

So today as I celebrate your third heavenly birthday mom, know I love you and I am so proud you were my mom!

Happy Heavenly Birthday!

All my love,

Amy

P.S. Robin snapped this photo last night and sent it to Chuck, Paul, and I saying it was a gift to us from you. Thank you! We all really got a kick out of it!!!!! Keep sending us love……