The 90's
I have to say my twenties were a blast! BUT, there was a lot of growing up happening. It was a very bi-polarish time for me! However, with that being said, I would not change any of it for the world. I am realizing now that certain people really do come into your life and sometimes only for a brief time, but for very good reasons. Looking back, I look at each person as a gift and a treasure. Truly, because without that individual, I would not be who I am today. So for every heartache, for every party, for every loss, for every gain, I am forever grateful.
I started out my college career at The University of North Texas. I really had NO CLUE what I wanted to major in and I think I changed it four times before I settled on Communications. I still am not sure what I want to be when I grow up if I am being honest, but I can tell you I LOVED communication classes and I LOVED giving speeches! So it seemed like the best fit. I pledged Kappa Kappa Gamma and I am proud to say we were the first Kappa pledge class at UNT. It was a very exciting and fun time for me. I met some amazing gals who really are true leaders today, but one thing is for sure, they always had my back in college.
1991 was a HUGE year for me. It is when I met Trey. I will never forget that day as long as I live and Julie Lane Schragin is proof that this happened!!!!! It was the VERY beginning of the school year at UNT and it was a stormy day. I remember we were monitoring the doors of the Physical Education Building, that was our job, and I saw Trey walking down the large hall towards the gym and I clearly remember saying, “I am going to marry that guy!” And would you believe he did not have his college ID so we could not let him in! I was devastated! For months though he would come to the gym and if I was checking out equipment I would just stare at his ID because if you checked out equipment we kept your ID until you returned it!!!!! I remember thinking he was so dreamy!
I did that for 4 months until I finally got up the nerve and I ASKED HIM OUT! Pitiful! I know, but it just shows you yet another pattern; IF AMY FOLEY BERRY WANTS SOMETHING SHE AIN’T AFRAID TO ASK! He said yes and well the rest is history! Kind of!!!!!
At the end of that school year, Trey was returning back to Texas A & M as he was only at UNT for two semesters for a specific certification that UNT offered. So what did I do? Well, I did what any normal SENIOR in college would do! I transferred to Blinn College, which for those of you who do not know Blinn, that is a two year program. AND before anyone jumps on me I am not knocking two year programs! As a matter of fact I LOVE JUNIOR COLLEGES! Why? Well, for a number of reasons but mainly because it cost a lot less and you can get your boring basics out of the way at discounted price! A HUGE discount I might add. You just have to be smart and make sure everything transfers over, but most people do not transfer into a Junior College their Senior year of a four year program…..BUT AMY FOLEY BERRY sure does! Especially when she is in love!
Bob Foley was not too pleased with me at this time in life! And that is a funny story in and of itself….I just want you to remember he thought I was NUTS and I had lost my mind! Well, I knew what I was doing! I promise! I did it all for love! Ha!
While at Blinn I went to work for the Colonel. He was the dean of students and he had a military background. God knew what he was doing when he opened that door up! What a life experience. I learned a lot about time management, priorities, people skills, hard work, and respect of others and their time. The biggest lesson he taught me was how important it was to get to know your instructor no matter how big or small your class is. That helped me so much when I transitioned into A & M the next semester. What a change that was for me! Going from mid size classes at UNT to very small and intimate at Blinn and then WHAM I was in the middle of the ocean of Texas A & M and the only life raft I had was my communication skills! Thanks to the Colonel I did just fine there and when I transferred back to UNT. YEP! You read that right! I transferred back to UNT! Why? Well, because I liked to keep my parents on their toes! That’s why!!!!
No! Not really. The truth is Trey graduated in May and when I spoke to the Dean of the Communications school it was going to take me another 1-2 years to graduate. I did not like that idea because honestly I did not enjoy school. I remember driving up to UNT in the beginning of May and went straight to their communication department and we worked it out to where if I took 18 hours in the summer and 18 in the fall I could graduate. Trey told me if I did that we could get married. I was so excited what do you think I did? I took my tail back to UNT and buckled down and graduated so we could get married! Well, folks we did not get married!!!! Matter of fact we broke up a little less than a year after I graduated! Am I bitter about that? Nope because I learned a lot about hard work, creative problem solving, and I learned if someone is madly in love, well, there is not a lot you can do to change their mind. Trust me! No one was changing mine! I am proud to say even with all that chaos, I graduated on the deans list with at 3.95 and I did it my way and I would not change any of it!
From there I went to work for my father at Buzz Print slinging ink across Dallas, Texas! What a fun job sales is! I LOVED almost every aspect of it! The game, the challenge, the getting to meet new people all the time, and the sheer adrenaline rush when you landed the big deal! What I did not love was when things went wrong. I had quite a temper so much so my baby brother Paul nicknamed me Tawanda! I could get pretty nasty. But, over time I am proud to say I have learned to tame that temper. It took A LOT of years though! A LOT!!!!!
While working at Buzz Print I decided I wanted to run a marathon. Not really sure why because I ABHOR running! But I signed up through The Leukemia Society of America. This might have been the BEST thing that happened to me in my mid 20’s because it quickly brought me out of a very selfish time in life and showed me the gift of serving. My first patient I ran for was a little girl by the name of Jennifer. She was the cutest, most shy, little cutie pie. Her mama and I became really good friends and through Donna and Jennifer I met many other kids with cancer. So many that I let my little chicken butt, Lea, talk me into doing another marathon because that is what you do when you hate running. You run more!!!!! Before I knew it I had my little tribe. Lea, Cooper, Jennifer, and Kaityln. These kiddos and their families were my life. I got to know their doctors, their nurses, and their siblings. I learned so much about strength, courage, faith, guts, advocating for oneself and for your child, and what is really important in life. News flash…..it ain’t what car you drive or purse you carry. It is the time we have with each other….Just sayin….because of my little tribe and their lives I got to not only be a part of The Leukemia Society of America but I got to be a part of The Clayton Dabney Foundation and Challenge Aspen. What an honor and what a privilege. I will never forget that period in my life. Ever. I grew up so much and I cherish those memories, those families, and those individuals who believed in me and let me participate. And now I have an angel in heaven who watches over me daily.
While all of this was taking place Trey and I were doing the dance of on again off again….It happens and now I know it happens for lots of reasons, one being growth. If Trey and I had gotten married back in 1993 I would have missed out on so much and who knows where we would be today. I firmly believe we would still be married, but it would sure look different. We would look different. I am happy with how we look now!
When Trey finally did propose, as God as my witness we were not even dating! But, somehow we both knew! And I reminded my dad of that little girl who followed that young boy to College Station her senior year of college and I reminded him that in my heart I knew what was best!
So as I look back on my 20’s I look back with all kinds of pride, all kinds of giggles, and all kinds of joy! I realize that I do go after what I want even when someone that means the world to me does not believe in it. If I believe in it that is all that matters. I see that I do have a sweet spot for children with disabilities and terminal illnesses and I see I have a passion for living life with them even when they know they will not experience a full life. I see here again an area where I was able to use my passion for motivating and inspiring and how much I love to help people see how each of us is worthy. No matter what cards life has dealt us we are worthy and we are special and we deserve love. No matter what you are worthy of love!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
2020 Has This Girl Thinking…..
Can you believe it is going to be 2020!!!!! This is so amazing to me and I keep pondering how back in 1999 everyone and their dog was worried about Y2K and the world coming to an end. I don’t really hear a lot of that now which is good news, but I am sure that is because the world is watching our country divided about whether to impeach el presidente or not! I DIGRESS BAD!!!!!! So Sorry!!!!!
I will say 2020 has me thinking about my life in general. Maybe because I will be a half of a century come October, maybe because my first born will be going to college, or maybe because with the loss of my mom I realize how fast time flies. I don’t know why, but I know it has me in serious thought. Does it you?
I decided to do an exercise and break down my life by decades. Why? Well, I am realizing when I do this and really reflect on who I was and who I have become a lot of the past is what has molded me into the human I am today. Which I am proud to say, I kind of like me. Do you like you? If not, might I suggest you do this exercise along with me? You might find it very healing and insightful.
I decided to combine my first two decades because I don’t remember much before third grade. I remember bits and pieces. I have very fond memories of growing up in Graham, Texas. I went to Woodland Elementary and I remember I loved walking to kindergarten with my friend Robin Faust. I also remember she and my best friend Ginger Nees getting very close at that time and I was SUPER JEALOUS! So the lesson here is it starts young with girls, the jealousy, the envy, and the mean girl mess…. it is nothing new it has always been around. Stupid, petty, uncalled for meanness. So sad really, but hey, it is part of being human.
My memories of Woodland Elementary include going to the library and checking out the book, The Value of Determination: The Story of Helen Keller, by Ann Donegan Johnson. I remember being so fascinated by Helen Keller’s story on a number of levels. Her sheer determination, the way she overcame all kinds of obstacles, and her care giver/teacher Ann Sullivan. I was fascinated by Ann Sullivan’s way of getting personal with Helen and making Helen feel so special and helping her to see she could do whatever she set her mind to do. I think this is when my passion towards people with special needs began. I remember and I am proud to say I am still in touch somewhat with my third grade teacher, Mrs. Hardin. She was a gem. A gem that cared dearly about her students and made a huge difference in our lives. I broke my leg and she literally put my desk right next to hers and took such good care of me. I remember there was a tornado once and we had to take cover and God as my witness I pooped my pants! No lie! Would you believe Mrs. Hardin quietly took me to the office, got someone to cover for her, and drove me home. I even remember her car. It was a green rabbit! Ha!!!! And she use to give us peanut butter out of a huge can on brown paper towels daily to help us keep our brain working! Things that would NEVER happen now, but probably should!!!! A high protein snack mid day might help the young ones concentrate and not be so crazy!
I remember this outfit!!!! I loved it so much! I was so proud of those boots and that sweater skirt get up!!!!!
I remember in 5th grade, a gal by the name of Tracy, who had an orange wheel chair use to come to Mrs. Rosie Steel’s class. Steven Ranger and I sat in the back of the room and Tracy would be wheeled in and I would chat with her. Looking back now I think Tracy probably had cerebral palsy, but no one really told me. All I know is her hands were curled up and she could not speak. She could only move her head and make noises, but she and I had our own language. So much so that she started bringing me Juicy Fruit gum. Now every time I see Juicy Fruit I think of Tracy and wonder what ever happened to her.
Between Helen Keller and Tracy, not to mention having a mother that was damn near Mother Teresa, forgive me for cursing Mom, I really do believe that is where my compassion and love for those with special needs was planted. I learned so much from her and the biggest lesson I learned is everyone in the world has a problem of some sort. We all do. It is just a fact of life. What sets us all apart is those who are determined to work hard and cope with their problems, those are the happy people….those who chose to give up and blame the world….those are the unhappy people. Tracy could not walk, she could not talk, she could not control her arm or head baubles, but Tracy was happy! Even though she would never be better she was happy. I will always be grateful for that lesson.
Did I always remember that lesson? No! Especially in middle school. I am not sure what happens to us in middle school so I will just blame the hormones, but middle school is a beast! And when your mom puts your hair in Princess Leah buns on the daily, well it makes life super hard! True story!!!!! I don’t have many memories, but I remember the library again! Weird, writing this shows me where I got my love for reading, but my best friend Ginger’s grandmother, Mee Maw, was our librarian and somehow I was lucky enough to get Library for homeroom? I don’t know how, but I remember getting to go daily one year and I got the back table with three other people. It was AWESOME! I remember Mr. Green Jeans for Science and I am sad to say I cannot remember what his real name was!!!!! I had Ms. Swope for Social Studies and Ms. Guinn with green eyebrows, no lie, for Math! Mrs. Jones was one of my math teachers as well and pretty much that is all I remember, with the exception of the most humiliating experience of my life. Trying out for cheerleader and not making it! Most embarrassing thing EVER!!!!! I remember running down the hall to Mrs. Sebastians room and just bawling!!!! She was not my teacher, but she was one of those teachers who had compassion and you just knew it so she was who I ran to that day. The worst day of my middle school career! Worse than when I started my period!!!! FOR REALS!!!!
Yall! Bless it!!!!!
I recovered and made it to High School where I have so many fond memories. My first kiss, wrecking Ginger’s convertible bug into our Vice Principal’s daughters car, Friday night lights, my first real love, getting kicked out of confirmation by Father Ned because I was questioning my faith, and so much more, but my fondest memories are of the people who loved me through some really rough times.
I was 16 when I came home one day and told my mom I was angry, sad, and was not for sure what the point to life was. Looking back I now know where I get my ability to face stuff with our kids head on and not be afraid to ask for help when we need it. My mom! I remember she loaded my rear end up in the car right then and there and took me to the clinic and let them know we had an emergency and had to be seen. I remember Dr. Nesbit was so gracious and saw us and I just cried. He told my mom he thought I had depression and he would like to medicate me with Tofranil. I remember this day like it was yesterday. My mom was amazing and agreed to the medicine, which back in the 80’s carried a huge stigma. I am so proud of her and so grateful to her for this. To this day, I still see people put a stigma on depression and medication and I am here to tell you I am here today because my mom knew me, really knew me, and knew I needed help. AND she use to always say, “It is no different than a diabetic who needs insulin.” You know what? She is and was right! Another thing she was right on, was she told me to find a teacher I trusted and open up to them. Well, I did. Not sure how much I opened up, but Mrs. Morris got me. She got me so much she got our high school counselor Mrs. King involved. Between the two of them, my mom, and my amazing dance teacher, Renee, I got stabilized and I was able to enjoy the rest of my high school career. But, it was really hard for part of it. So hard I wanted to give up, but something about them believing in me, loving me where I was at, which was a very dark place, and putting up with me, made me not want to give up. Not to mention my tribe of girls, Ginger, Lara, and Mary. They kept me grounded and they loved me even when I was unlovable.
Looking back on that time I realize dance and theater saved me. My dance teacher Renee was like a sister to me and my theater coach, Mr. Cody, well he made me believe I was capable of anything I wanted to do or be on that stage. I loved getting lost in a play or a dance and now I know why I love dance. For one hour every day, I get to only concentrate on the music, the counts, the movement, and the feeling. It is so wonderful to turn my mind off to the outside “STUFF” and just listen, feel, move, and shine. Shine bright!!!!! Everyone should be so lucky as to find the one thing they can do daily and just get lost. What is that for you?
Bless us! Can you find me? I think this is circa 1985…..
So as I look back on my first two decades of life, I am starting to see how or why I love certain things. Who or what had an influence on me and helped be a part of making me into the human I am becoming. The human being who is constantly evolving and who is realizing her story. The story of Amy Foley Berry. The story of a worthy girl. A girl with determination, compassion, honesty, grit, love, and faith.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Great book for kiddos!!!!! Actual all of the Valuetales are great books! Great Christmas gift!!!!
Juicy fruit gum always reminds me of Tracy and the value of life is hard but I get a choice to be happy or not….which way will you choose? Chew some Juicy Fruit and think about it!!!!!
The Slow Break UP
Dear Will,
Today you turn 18! I can hardly wrap my head around this and I can assure you I cannot wrap my heart around it. I know in my head I should be so happy, but I would be lying if I told you I was. Why? Because my heart is crushing inside. Crushing because you are becoming a man and I don’t think I am prepared for this and I don’t think there is a rule book out there to help me get ready.
Where is my little boy?
Miss Rainey sent me a post about this, just this the other day. Thank God I waited until later in the day to open it because I was a blubbering idiot by the time I was through listening to it. However, everything the post touched on talked to me. It is a slow break up watching you and your brothers grow up and become men. Yes it is the natural order, but no it does not feel good. And YES I feel so selfish because there are too many moms out there who do not even get the chance to experience this day because their sweet children have left this earth and have wings now. I know that all too well after all my work with kiddos with cancer back in the day.
Did you know Will that my dream use to be to have a camp for terminally ill kids? Did you know you got to experience that with me when you were only 7 months old? You and I flew to Aspen, Colorado to spread the ashes of one of my amazing kids at the camp I use to go to with kiddos with all kinds of special needs. That was my last time to go to Challenge Aspen. When Lea died, a part of me died, so I know how selfish I am being by not wanting to let you go. Lea was not even my own, but she sure felt like it. I am so grateful to Cindy and Steve and all the time they allowed me with her…..but how selfish can I be when I have experienced so many kids like Lea not making it to this stage in life?
Sweet Lea!
It’s funny too because I cannot speak from experience on this with girls, but I sure can with boys, and you have already stuck your foot outside the nest if you will. What do I mean by this? I mean, the minute you and your brother hit high school and started experiencing real independence you truly just used our home for room and board. I don’t mean this in a negative way either. I mean this in the way that maybe that is how God designed it. To make it easier on us mamas with young men.
So son, today, to the world you are no longer a boy, but a man…..I think for me a part of you will always be my little boy, but I am so incredibly proud of the young man you have become. I am in awe of your ability to stand up for what you believe in, your creativity, your work ethic, your ability with others and how kind you are, your love and patience with your father and I, your ability to forgive me quickly when I have made a mistake in this job of motherhood, your uncanny way of knowing when I am struggling emotionally and the way you are there for me, your patience with my mom when she was alive and now my father, your love for your brothers, the way you stand up for John Paul and who he chooses to love, your courage to start your own business, your grit and determination with your business, your willingness to be open and honest with your father and I, and the courage to always speak to us, even when the topic is ugly, and your sense of wonder for the world amazes me. YOU MY BOY AMAZE ME! You will go far my love and you will do well. You can be and do anything you want to Will Berry! I believe in you!
So you growing up and “breaking up with me” means I have done my job…..It hurts like hell though, even though this is what I want and what you need. I want for you to grow up I also know I am capable and will let you go because my biggest desire is for you and your brothers to have a healthy, wonderfully beautiful, fulfilled life. Well, the only way you guys can do that is by leaving the nest.
Just remember Will, I will always be your mom and I will always love! No matter what I will always love you. But I am no longer the sun in which you spin around…..So while I learn our new relationship and how and what is appropriate to express my love for you, please know son I am so proud of you and I love you to the moon and back and fifty million times over!
Love you most said it last!!!!!
Happy Birthday Will!
LYMSIL,
Mom
Thank You For The Storm
We have less than 40 days until 2019 comes to a close. When I look back on 2019 I am so proud! Proud of me, proud of Trey, proud of our boys, just proud!!!!! And oh so grateful!
I think most of you know by now that I hate new years resolutions and I like to do themes or words for the year. This year my theme was GUTS! To see why click here.
GUTS-The informal meaning is that the word guts is used in reference to a feeling or reaction based on an instinctive emotional response rather than considered thought.
When I look back on my family’s last year we lived the true meaning of guts! And I could not be more proud of each individual in my family or more grateful for this period of time. Would I do it again? That is one question I need to really ponder because the truth is we came out so much better and I am so thankful. Truly thankful. We are stronger, we are more resilient, we are more compassionate, we seek to understand each other, we listen, and we have respect for one another. Was that missing before? Maybe, but, I can honestly say each one of us has had a transformation for the better and we have all become better at serving one another. What a beautiful experience for a family.
Thanksgiving 2018…..
Times are tough and through it we are each learning to see what it is God is wanting to do with us during this unsure season. We have a lot of unknowns before us, but we are remembering to keep God at the front of it all. Whether it is a decision on a college, a job, a teacher, a counselor, to go with a group of friends, to go to the party, to say yes or say no, boundaries…..whatever it is we are ALL getting better at looking to God and relying on Him. Truly relying on Him. And you know what…..that takes GUTS! True Guts.
It’s hard to rely on someone you cannot see or you cannot touch. You can talk to God, but He is not going to talk back to you in the traditional way. Our family has learned to do this. We have learned to rely on God. Are we great at it? No! Were we somewhat forced to? Yes! Do we have room for improvement? Yes! Of course. Faith takes practice because fears take hold and when they do it is so easy to slip back into old behaviors, but now that my family as a whole has learned the beauty of turning our will over to God we can remind each other of this gently and compassionately. We can remind each other of the miracle of this past year and we can have hope and peace. For this I am forever grateful.
So as I look back on the past 365 days, I look back in awe and I am so grateful to God for the disaster He brought us to and through so that we could be the family He made us to be. What miracle it is to say Thank You for the Storm.
Happy Thanksgiving My Friends.
XO,
Amy
You Look Soft....
I remember my first Christmas home after I went to college. I walked through the door and my mother literally said, “You are HOME!!!!……” Silence…….then quietly and gently she said, “You look soft!” I remember thinking, “Nice Mom….Nice.” But, the sad fact is that it was true. I had not only put on the freshman 15 I put on an extra 10! No lie! I lived in the football dorm at The University of North Texas and they had yeast rolls that would knock your socks off! EVERYDAY!!!!! And yep I ate them EVERYDAY! And I may or may not have discovered beer. Happens and it is a right of passage a lot of us go through. I like to think it made me who I am today! “Silver Lining”!
Now you all know I have naturally curly hair, my hair is not naturally blonde, and I have some amazing KKG sisters!!!!!! And there is the beautiful freshman 25 I found!!!!!
However, this time of year I still tend to get “soft” as my mother so eloquently put it all those years ago. When I look at why, I see where it is very easy to do.
Did you know the average american puts on an estimated 5-15 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year’s!
That is a lot of weight especially if you are over the age of 35 and your metabolism has decided to slow its roll! (There is that delicious word again! lol!) It is so easy to do! Why?
Well, let’s look at it:
It is colder out so we make warm and cozy meals.
We induce undue stress because of having to have the house perfect, the perfect gift, the perfect place settings, and just showing off for family to make your life look perfect. Truth is we should just enjoy each other and be grateful we have another year together, but nope something about family raises that cortisol level and boom that raises that poundage level on the scales!
We wear bigger, bulkier, softies as I like to put it….aka sweats and sweaters! I love my softies anyone will tell you!!!!
There is traditionally a lot more alcohol due to many parties and “reasons to celebrate”!
Gingerbread homes, sugar cookies, pumpkin pie, candy canes, hot chocolate, whipped cream, gum drops galore, and so much more goodness….did I mention yeast rolls? Or my mom’s homemade monkey bread!? YUM!
Exhaustion due to all the celebrations sometimes lowers our immune systems and makes us lethargic which in turn slows down our workouts. Literally happening to me now as I right this I am on the couch sick as a dog with an upper respiratory infection/sinus infection.
Over scheduling slows down our workouts because we are so frazzled and make up every excuse as to why it is ok if we miss, “JUST THIS ONCE!”
Being cold outside and bad weather slows down our workouts, especially if you are a runner, unless of course you are a total you know what! Bad Arse!
You see the theme….”slows down our workouts” eventually turns into I will start New Year’s day and then New Year’s day comes and you go to the gym and there is no parking or if you are lucky enough to get parking you can’t get on your equipment or find a space in your class because the entire city is at that gym. Murphy’s law!
And last but not least if you are like me you are a Hallmark movie Junkie and you cry your eyes out to the point of looking like a swollen fish so you hide under the covers and say, “Just one more!” Those darn movies are so addicting!!!!!! Maybe more so than social media! True story for this girl! I have watched two today! But, hey I am sick! Throw the girl a bone!
Now that is just 10 reasons that I could come up with, but I am sure there are plenty more! Point is we get “soft!” So what will you do to combat it? I am a big fan of making a plan now and getting in the habit of it! I will share with you my plan and maybe you can tweak it to serve you.
The most important thing for me to stay on track is to stay consistent with my early morning ritual! Don’t know what that is, click here to get a sneak peak. When I do this, I tend to stay on track with everything. Today, even while I was sick, I did get up and do my morning ritual and look at me now…..I am writing…..Yes I feel like dog doo doo, but I am in it to win it!!!!!
Next I take my Revitalu everyday! What is that you ask? Well it is a health product that I sell and I 100 percent believe in! It has done so much for me since I started taking it in April. It gives me energy, improves my mental focus, suppresses my appetite, and elevates my mood. I am telling you it is magical! Want to know more about it shoot me a message on insta, facebook, or email me at amy@worthyheart.com and I have samples I can send you to try before you buy! Which I love that entire concept! I hate it when amazing healthcare products that you can only get through influencers require you to buy before you try and I really hate when they make you have a monthly contract! Guess what! With me you do not! So WINNING!!!!! I will tell you though, part of the reason I am able to function to write is because of my product! I promise you that!
And last but not least I write my schedule out each week of when I will work out and where. Now full disclosure. I do get paid to workout as I teach dance fitness, but on days I am not teaching I do have my workout on the schedule! It is the only way it will happen. I normally only work out 4-5 days a week, but with the holiday stress and poundage factor I up it to 5-6 days a week. And the one or two days I do not workout I make sure to take a leisurely stroll and stretch. I swear by stretching! If you want to know more about my dance classes or where I go to stretch, same thing as above….send me a message, give me an email, or an SOS will work too! I promise to get back to you and answer any questions!
Come dance with me! I promise you will burn a min. of 300 calories! Min! I usually burn 500-680! No lie!!!!!!
So that in a nutshell is how Amy Berry will tackle the challenge of not being a statistic! Do you want to take up the challenge with me? If so let’s hold each other accountable! Again, give me a shout out and we can do this!!!! After all when you do something together it is more fun and a lot easier to accomplish the challenge! So who’s in?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Why Veterans Day is Hard for Me as a Veterans Wife
Today brings a lot of mixed emotions for me. It is Veterans day. A day that we as Americans honor and thank all military personnel who served our wonderful country. The key word is served. Why does this bring me mixed emotions? Well, my husband served 20 years in the Navy and up until this year he struggled with it. Why? I am not sure because I am not him, but I will tell you what I think.
He was in a plane crash in May of 2000 while practicing night time carrier landings. There was a bird strike, long story short, and he and two of his buddies went down in the middle of the night in a pitch black sky. They all three survived, but the ramifications from the crash were pretty huge starting with a broken back. Would you believe that he and his friends were back in the cockpit doing REAL night time landings on the ship by October. True story! Talk about brave and they were overseas in less than a year fighting for our freedom. Again very courageous and brave.
This picture does it no justice
What was I doing? Well, I beat myself up daily now because I was Suzy happy homemaker making a home and in such bliss of being engaged and newly married that I never even stopped to think of the mental ramifications this might have caused. I mean when you get a call in the middle of the night that there has been an incident but your fiance is alive, well, you are just relieved and when they discharge him from the hospital hours after the crash, well, one tends to think no big deal right? Wrong! It was a freaking plane crash! It was a hunk of metal that dropped from the sky, split in half, and caught fire! VERY TRAUMATIC, but you would never have known with how I was responding or how Trey was responding. Never! Because we kept on keeping on.
The investigation begins…..18 months later Trey and his co pilot were cleared. That was a long 18 months……and they flew in a war while waiting to know…..for our freedom…….away from their families….
How many people will survive a plane crash in their life? A very small percentage and very few that can say they were at the controls when it happened and everyone survived because of his and their co pilots ability to compartmentalize and work together to save themselves and all the civilians below them.
It has been over 19 years since that fateful night. 19 years of much joy, but there has been a lot of pain. Physical and mental. And I can honestly say this year is my first year to admit I am angry. Angry with how the military was not their for my husband and his friends during that time. Now, I need to clarify. Trey’s squadron was AMAZING. His CO and XO were outstanding! But the Navy overall during that time, not so much. Sure they crossed their i’s and dotted their t’s, but I blame them for so much pain my husband has endured over these past 19 years which in turn my family has also endured. We are strong and lucky for my husband I am not a quitter, but I know there are plenty of other military families that have split due to the trauma of something they experienced while fighting for this country. And all they get is a parade on November 11 or a celebration. I am really not sure what I expect either, but I do know our military needs to do better when it comes to trauma. They need to do better when it comes to Vets and I feel like I can say this because I witness it under my own roof. Am I asking for a handout? No. Hell, I am not even sure what this is about other than it is one step in the right direction of healing for me, for Trey, and for our beautiful family.
Our family is strong and our family fights for each other. Could not be more proud of us!
Point is, when you have suffered from something so traumatic and you don’t get the help you need, mentally the mind will remember. The body will remember. And those around you can and will suffer. And all for what? For your freedom and for my freedom. I should be thankful, but this year I am struggling. Why? Well, that I know but not ready to go there….So instead I want to tell you why I think Trey has struggled up until now with Veterans day and why I am sad and angry and for no reason other than I need to get it off my chest. So here it goes:
The civilian world is not anything like the military. We do not have the motto “No man left behind.” We have the motto, get dirt on him, stomp on her, do whatever it takes to get to the top. That is the real world. That is not how it works in the military. So when you come from a band of brothers and you are thrown into a den of lions, well, it is hard. It is hard on the veteran and it is hard on their families. REAL HARD! And throw trauma of any sort on it…..well…..that can get real messy. What do we do about it? That I am not sure of, but if you know me, you know that me just writing about it means I am thinking about it. I am thinking about it so much that I am writing about it and maybe someday I can help do something about it. That is all.
So for now I have a favor. Today, when you see a veteran, sincerely thank them. Thank their family too…. because a lot of them have had some kind of trauma they endured for your freedom and they and their family have sacrificed. Whether it was time with their family, not seeing their child be born, not seeing their child take their first steps, not being there when their family member was dying, not being there when their parent died, going into a war, surviving a plane crash, being shot, seeing their best friend shot down in the plane next to them, and the list goes on not to mention all they have endured mentally just getting out of the military….I assure you they have sacrificed. More than we will ever know. Trust me I know, because I live with a vet and cannot fathom it…..So if you could take a moment today and say a prayer for all our vets and current military and their family’s that would mean the world to me and my family. Maybe it will start my healing process too……
Until Next Time.
XO,
Amy
Let's Get Physical
A while back I asked a couple of questions about working out. Simple ones like: Do you workout? 25% of my readers do not. What workout do you prefer? I seriously got answers from intercourse! NO LIE! To pilates, to running, and lastly I asked what workout do you wish you could do? I got the answer I was looking for! DANCE! Really any of them with the exception of intercourse because that came from a single gal who I am proud of for abstaining until she meets her prince! But that is beside the point!
What is the point? The point is it does not matter how old you are, what kind of shape you are in, or what you look like doing something, just do something. Even if that something is a walk down the street and back. Movement is the key and the real key is to find the movement that fits your heart, your body, and your desire.
Why do I say this? Well, for starters is because before I found my dance classes at age 44, I was doing everything and anything I could to lose weight. I was trying every workout. Yoga, pilates, pole walking, (yes that is a thing), tennis, triathlon, (yes I did that and I am proud to say I was 9 weeks preggers with Graeme when I completed my second olympic triathlon), and plain old walking. The only thing that brought some results was the triathlon, but I ate like a horse to keep up with the workouts so the results were not what one would think.
I unfortunately or fortunately got seriously injured playing tennis. Why do I say it like that? Well, my girlfriends who I use to play with LOVE the sport and I LOVE them, but I got hurt pretty bad and was down for a long time and I don’t ever want to twist my ankle and break my foot like that again. Unfortunate because I miss seeing my friends so often, but fortunate because I found dance! And when I found dance my world changed! My heart changed! My mind changed! My weight changed! My life changed! Hell! I became a dance teacher at 45 years of age! Who does that? Amy Foley Berry! That is who! And I am not looking back!
Who dances with a broken foot? Amy Berry that is who!!!!!
This could not have happened at a better time in my life either! In 2016 my mom got very ill. We had my Dad at our house and my mom in a facility, my youngest son was still having major ear, nose, and throat issues and I got shingles! Life was really out of control. BUT, I kept going to dance because I loved it and it was my one hour every day that I could check out and not think about what my life was. Yall, my left arm was paralyzed, NO LIE, from the shingles, but I kept dancing. My arm did not move and it was really weird, but the rest of me did. My dance family embraced me and loved me through it even when life got really icky.
I will never forget the first phone call I got in the middle of a dance class. It was Trey saying he was with my mom and he thought she was having a stroke! I remember darting out of there and getting to the hospital. Sure enough she did and things started getting worse. That was on December 8, 2016. That was a scary time for me. But, I swear I got through it because of the dance, the movement, the sweating, the heart pumping, and literally the mind shutting off for one hour every time I went. One hour! And only three days a week back then and those three days and three hours saved my life. I am telling you I was super depressed, super scared, super angry, super exhausted, and super grateful for dance.
Why am I saying all this? Because I have a few friends going through some tough times right now or have just come out of a tough time. They all say the same thing. Whatever it is they are going through they feel the need to be there for their family and have zero time for themselves. I promise you and please hear me if you too are going through something. EVEN 30 MINUTES CAN MAKE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE. Movement! There is magic in movement. Movement is medicine! It is the medicine that creates change in our physical, emotional, and mental states! I promise you this: If you will move a little more today than you did yesterday and a little more tomorrow than you will today….and keep that pace going….you will start to feel something different. Something big. And when life knocks you down like it did me, if you have something, whether that something is dance, tennis, running, yoga, pilates, pole walking, soccer, body pump, weight lifting, swimming, basketball, ping pong….whatever it is, it will save your life! Trust me I know. Dance has saved my life about 5 times now in three short years! So find your thing and let’s get physical!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
2 Years And Still In Love
I love that title! You know why? Because so many people thought this was a “phase” and I just wanted to get rich, or try to. Well, I am here to tell you and them, “NO I HAVE NOT GOTTEN RICH AND NO IT IS NOT A PHASE!” This is a love affair! A love affair with me and learning all about myself.
Definition of a love affair: An intense enthusiasm or liking for something.
You guys! I can tell you I am not only liking this blog, I am loving this blog!!!!!! And I am loving myself more and more! I have grown so much in so many ways……These past two years have been quite the journey. I lost my mom in December of 2016 and honestly the blog came about because of that. Many people would question me, while I was taking care of my mom, asking if I had considered blogging about the “Sandwich Generation”. I had not, but that is where the seed was planted and I actually started out writing about grief and it has evolved into life in general and truth be known, I am still trying to figure out what direction I want to go.There is so much to LIFE!!!! Life is so hard at times, other times it is so good, and still other times it is just tooling along with no bumps or highs. There are soooooo many things I could write about!!!!!
However, I realize now through the loss of my mom, that I needed this blog and it honestly might have saved my sanity. My mom was my biggest cheerleader. I called her daily at 3:00 and sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. She was who I told EVERYTHING too! The good, the bad, and the downright ugly! Things you should never tell your mom, especially about your spouse, but I did! Why? Because my mom was the coolest, kindest, most forgiving, most loving, most prayerful human being on the face of this earth, or at least that I knew of. I always knew I could tell her anything and she would listen, not judge, not offer advice, unless I asked for it, and always pray for whatever it was. I miss her so much.
Funny thing is, I am sitting here in my father’s hospital room writing this and I feel like I am reliving that journey all over. However, things are a lot different this go around. Some of it is more obvious….it is my dad, not my mom. Some of it is more similar, we are here as a result of a fall and complications from the fall. But something very important is different. ME! I am different. My mindset, my faith, my attitude, and my priorities…..all different.
I have come to the realization that God is in control. Funny thing to say I know, but it is true. I have learned so much about myself through my writing and if I am being honest, tons of therapy, these past two years. One of the things I learned about myself was that I truly did not trust God. That was a hard realization. I truly thought I knew what was best. Still do at times. I thought I knew how things should go. Still do at times. My prayers were more negotiations then gratitude. Still are at times. It is hard not to slip back into 46 years of that thought training. But I wake up every day and I hit my knees and I pray:
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Your Will God…Not mine……Let Your Will Be Done Today…Amen.
That prayer right there my friend makes all the difference. Is it like lighting striking and I know I am healed everyday, and I go on with my day in peace? Heck no! Not even close. Some days, actually a lot of days lately, I find myself repeating that prayer over and over. Why? Because I am scared… and when I am scared I try to control things.
What drives this need for control? Fear! And fear is the devil’s friend and my worst enemy. Fear whispers in my ear and says, “You can control this. Just do this or say this.” Fear has me believe if I kick and scream or better yet cry, beg, and plea, things will go my way….they will do what I want. Fear has me looking at others lives and saying, “You will never be that, they are so happy, so strong, so pretty, so talented, so whatever…” Fear has me curl up in a ball on the couch, binge watch some show, and try to forget what is happening. Fear takes away precious moments and makes the devil do a dance. Fear is a nasty thing. When I feel it creeping in, which I do daily, I have to dig in deep, I pray, and I release it to God. I look at what it is that is driving the fear and 99.9999999 percent of the time it is something or someone that I have ZERO control over. True Story!
So…. I ask for the courage to show me what I can change. Do you know what happens when I do this? Slowly but surely I realize I am the only thing that can change! Sometimes it is my attitude that needs an adjustment. Sometimes it is a boundary I need to put up and stick to. Sometimes it is perspective and just looking at whatever it is in a different lens. Sometimes it is that I need to just slow down and relax. Sometimes it is my priorities. Almost always though, the only thing I can change is something about me!!!!! Truly. My reactions, my emotions, my thoughts, what I will or will not do, what I say or don’t say, point is….. it almost always comes back to me.
Do you know how freeing and how much growth I have had with this realization and this prayer? So much! So if you are needing to be released from fear, from a life that is pure chaos and not serene, my wish for you is that you give that prayer 30 days and see what happens. Will it be a miracle? Maybe it will be….why don’t you hit your knees and try it……
Until next time,
XO,
Amy
Stop Vaping is What the CDC says....but it is simply not that easy!
I keep seeing reports from the CDC and the news saying “CDC says to stop vaping.” While that is GREAT and I am so glad they are starting the conversation of, “This stuff is killing people.” Just telling people to stop vaping will not be enough.
Anyone who has been vaping for a while will tell you it is VERY easy to get addicted to and VERY hard to break the habit. Breaking the habit comes with some real withdrawal, withdrawal that can last 7-10 days.
The person coming off of the substance will be easily irritated and agitated. The littlest thing can set a person off and more than likely the reason they kept vaping in the first place was because it helped them to temporarily feel better. What do you think they want to do now more than ever…..Get the damn Juul. It is real and it is not their fault. Their poor brain is just sick and is sending every message of, “Get me my fix!”
The introduction of any substance in a child’s brain literally injures it. A little bit at a time. When they use it daily a switch flips in their brain and they are hooked! The good news is that even though the brain has been “hurt” by the toxins, it can go back to “normal” in about 18 months IF the individual discontinues the use of the toxin all together.
While the brain heals, the individual will more than likely experience depression, anxiety, and feelings of intense jitters or unsettledness. Compound that by being a teenager and it can be real messy. They can experience panic attacks, anger outburst, weight gain, and many other side effects of coming off the substance.
What do you do about that especially when you are a parent and your teen pretty much does not care for you 78% percent of the time? Good news. There are things you can do:
There are 12 week treatment programs for this! I was shocked because it is nicotine, but there are programs.
Getting a therapist your child likes and trusts is a huge benefit.
There are actually medications they can prescribe to help with the withdrawal and to help the individual not to have the cravings if you will.
Exercise, yoga, mediation and eating right.
Getting your child a journal to write. Writing is so healing it is ridiculous.
BUT most importantly keeping the lines of communication open and LISTENING to them.
Addiction is real and it is hard to kick this stuff.
Addiction is not poor behavior. Addiction is not a moral weakness, it is simply an injured brain. With the right treatment there is hope. There is hope for you as a parent and there is hope for your teen or loved one. But, it all starts with admitting there is a problem and getting the right help in place and making sure your teen knows you love them regardless. Kids will mess up and it is going to be ok ESPECIALLY if your kid knows you love them regardless. That is what our kids need to know so they can believe it in their hearts and begin to seek help. But you can’t help someone who you have no clue if they are doing it or not. So I will stand by my advice of you need to be testing. Without testing your child, they slowly could be getting addicted and then you have a bigger problem on your hands. If they test negative…..it is ok. At least you can start a conversation and trust me…..they will know and see you care. If they test positive….there is help and there is hope!
Until next time,
XO,
Amy
Test is ??????.....Now what?
If you have been following along you know I am a mom on a mission. A mom to get the word out about the evils of vaping and Juuling. Two weeks ago I introduced the subject matter and the response was overwhelming. Everything from, “Thank you! I had no idea what that was!” to a mom in tears because her child is addicted and she is at a loss. So what did I decide to do? I decided I can’t just leave it there and I decided to dig in deeper. Why? Because the subject matter needs momentum and I am firm believer if a bunch of crazy mom’s band together people will listen! Especially if we get loud enough! And I can tell you first hand this evil can make a mom crazy! Crazy with fear, crazy with obsessive thoughts, crazy with trying to control outcomes, crazy with anger, crazy with tears, crazy with behavior, crazy with worry, and the list goes on of just plain crae crae! Which all that crazy does is put a wedge in between you and your child. Again, I am speaking from experience so I hope you will listen.
Unfortunately this epidemic is insidious and it is lurking around everywhere so the first thing to do is get the word out which I believe is starting to happen. Next parents need to be talking to their kids about it. Regardless if you think, “Not my child.” I can sit here and tell you I was one of those mamas and that is why I can say that. True story folks. Matter of fact let me give you a little background about our family.
Not my kid! We eat dinner together, pray together, do mission trips together!…..
We are and were the family that attends church most Sundays. We eat around the dinner table and pray around the dinner table with our kids. We pray with them before school and before bed. We take them on mission trips. We do family trips. We talk. We have Spaghetti Sunday, Taco Tuesday, Pizza Friday! You get the picture! It appears that we do everything right. WRONG! We make mistakes as parents. A lot of mistakes! And guess what, the kids make mistakes. Mistakes do not define who we are. A mistake does not say, “OH BAD PARENTS….BAD KIDS!” The devil does, but not the mistakes. Point is: I was the mom that thought, “Not my kid.” RUDE AWAKENING folks. One that I learned from and I hope you will learn from my personal experience.
I went to a “symposium” about vaping back in April at my church that was actually put on by the Parent Education Committee of our school district. It was eye opening to say the least. The panel consisted of a neurologist who shared the medical facts of vaping, a licensed clinical psychologist who explained how to work together as a family to treat vaping addictions, and a number of people from our school district from Vice Principals, Chief of Police, to Counselors. I remember walking out of there thinking, “Thank God I am not dealing with this.” Truth be known there was a little whisper in my head saying, “Don’t fool yourself Amy.” I remember running into a friend who had been dealing with it. Her child is the same age of my older kids and something about knowing someone in real life made me want to do what they suggested on the panel.
What was that? Test my kids! Yep…..knowing someone personally dealing with this evil and I mean really dealing with it made it more real if you will. I knew her kid in elementary and I see her kid around town and her kid is a good kid! Always polite, always looks put together, always smiling, good looking kid! But the evil had made its way into her child’s life!
Yall, this mess does not discriminate. It does not say, “Oh… bad kid, not so smart kid…..artist….introvert….quiet……different…non athletic kid.” NO! This stuff says: “YOUNG BRAIN LET ME AT IT!” If you don’t know what I am talking about click here because I took a tiny dive into the brain last week and explained why I think our kids are the makers of this evil stuff, target market, and why I think they were strategic in making that happen. This is my opinion as a mom too by the way. I am not an expert.
Point here is it got real for me when I knew someone dealing with it personally and with all the education we received that night. Trey and I talked and we agreed we needed to test. If nothing else to open up the conversation about the true dangers of vaping.
What that did for our family: Well now….that is loaded!!!!! First it opened up conversation. Conversation when the test was negative, and yes it was with one kid and has remained so, and conversation when the test was positive…. and yes it has been and still is at times. Yep you read that right! Two kids two different results BOTH raised by us!
The conversations were the same yet very different. We talked about the dangers and how autopsy reports (don’t know what I am talking about click here) are showing how this stuff is causing sores that our immune systems cannot fight all the way down into the lungs. We talked about how they don’t really know what the long term effects of this stuff will do. We talked about addiction in our family (and let’s be REAL HONEST here folks, most families have addiction SOMEWHERE in the lineage) and how nicotine is highly addictive. I even showed them what vaping does to your vocal cords (one of mine is a singer) and the irreversible damage. I will do a video on that because I have to say I got the idea from my brother Chuck and it was very empowering, especially for my singer. Point is we talked! WE TESTED AND WE TALKED!
Negative test-we had conversation-Positive test- we had conversation.
The positive conversation was the same BUT with the addition of, “Why?” And then we SHUT UP AND LISTENED! That is key! Listening to your kid. Did I every time? No! And if he is reading this he is laughing hysterically because I went downright crazy one time! Ok….maybe a few times! He also understands why….because I love him, desperately love him. But I also understand his why now too. Especially because I am getting educated and learning to listen to him and ask these questions:
“Why?”
“What do you think that is all about for you?”
“What does it really do for you?”
“Why do you think you like it?”
And then with all my might after each question I have to sit and be still and LISTEN! If you listen, and I mean really listen, you might get the answers which all go back to my article last week on the brain. You also might really start seeing the pressures they are under whether they put themselves there, you put them there, a teacher or coach put them there, the point is they are there. These kids are overwhelmed with stress and no I am not making any excuses, but if you start to ask the right questions and they start to open up, well, that alone will relieve soooooooooooooooo much pressure!
They want to talk and get it out, BUT they don’t feel safe! Why? Because we go crazy and don’t listen! Case in point: ME! We just start throwing hard facts at them and we really need to get down to the crux of why they felt the need to try it in the first place! You might be surprised! I was! I thought my kid wanted to fit in so that is why he did it but that is just not the case……his was an escape and a creative outlet….YEP an escape and a creative outlet! That was a scary thing to hear and one that I as an adult know is a lie, but his brain does not have the ability to tell him he IS creative and he IS amazing! Again that goes back to my article last week. Point here is: as a mama when you realize it was an escape and or a creative outlet, well let’s just say that is scary, it hurts your heart, and you feel like a failure….which is exactly where the devil wants you. Because when you feel like a failure you are no good to anyone…..LIES! Lies that are so easy to believe as an adult trying their best and as a kid wanting to fit in. Lies that can make you crazy and bring you to say and do things you never would do; as an adult and as a kid.
It is a vicious circle. One the devil is so proud of. One the devil relishes in. One that the only way to shut down is to stay calm. Ask questions. Open the conversation and listen to understand and then be understood. Then and only then can you take the next steps. What are the next steps? I firmly believe keeping the conversation going and getting help from outside resources which I will have below. Getting educated and getting your child educated is key.
I do believe something has to change at the state and federal levels and honestly that is way over this mama’s head, trust me if I get an in I will take it, but until then I think it has to start at home. Education and showing the risks that come with the choices. Communication and above all LOVE! Love your child and love their mistakes. Love them no matter what. I know it can be hard. Trust me I know. But they need to know we love them no matter what they say or do. We love them and they are safe. Because bottom line, we are all worthy of love!
Until next time,
XO,
Amy
You Are A Good Parent And Your Kid Is A Good Kid
Did you read that title? Did you let it soak in? If you are a parent read it again. YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT AND YOUR KID IS A GOOD KID! YEP! That is right you are a good parent! If your kid is Juuling you are a good parent! Why do I feel the need to say this?
Because last week I wrote an article on Juuling and if you missed it you can catch that here, but I got more messages, phone calls, emails, articles, thank you’s, and questions than I ever have on any other post. I got messages from parents in Alabama, Texas, Georgia, and Colorado about their kids in the hospital with a respiratory illness that they think is because of the vape. Yall, these are people I don’t even know and my heart hurts for them and for the children. But the messages that hurt me the most were the ones of parents thinking they are bad because their child vapes and that my friend is a lie from the devil himself. You are not a bad parent if your child vapes.
Kids are kids and kids will try almost anything and do almost anything to fit in. Not all kids, but most. They are so desperate to be liked, to be included, to fit in, and to be popular (GOD I HATE THAT WORD) and it just is what it is. Why? Because their brains are literally wired that way. I personally believe it is worse now than ever due to all the pressures of social media (ironic that I am a blogger) on top of the always present peer pressure, social anxiety, expectations from peers, parents, teachers, coaches, colleges, jobs, and the list goes on and on.
Did you know that it is scientifically proven that the teenage prefrontal cortex-the area of the brain responsible for planning, decision making, personality, and social behavior-is actually pruning itself during these delicate years….that’s right! Pruning itself….killing off areas to make room for adult brainhood if you will. No wonder their personality switches on a dime and their choices seem less than reasonable…While the prefrontal cortex is pruning itself, and growing itself for adulthood, our kids are super duper vulnerable! It explains why they think the world sees them as they see themselves….which by the way, more often than not, is not a pretty sight, in their eyes. No wonder they are so self conscious and this explains why they are obsessed with how others see and like them which makes fitting in top priority and in turn makes it very easy to make poor choices.
Case in point: Juuling! And honest to God, our kids don’t have a chance if they buy into the marketing that the makers of Juul have so eloquently come up with. And they will because their poor brain is in pruning season! And the marketing is literally geared towards taking advantage of that fact! They have bright fun colors, amazing fun taste, and young beautiful models, not to mention they claim that it is better for you than traditional cigarettes! Honestly, how can than say that? Because the traditional cigarette has 8 cancer causing chemicals and the Juul only has 5! Well from where I am sitting 5 vs 8 cancer causing chemicals….cancer still wins! But I don’t really matter now do I!? I am just a mom with kids who the makers of Juul would rather make millions off of regardless of if they die or their friends do. Point being if our kids brains are already wired towards just being included regardless of the consequence, even if that is your life, if it is flashy, pretty, tasty, oh and you get a quick buzz, well their brain says, “I am in, what do I got to do!”
Here’s the deal, we can’t change their brains, but we can open up communication and shut down this epidemic.
This epidemic is real and it is scary and I think it might be scarier than the CDC, surgeon general, or whoever ever thought. Something has to happen!
What is that something? I do not know quite honestly. What I do know is alot can happen under your own roof and it starts with talking. Plain and simple. Talk to your kids. Educate yourself. Educate them. Tell them you are going to test them. YES! Test them.
Why do I say test them? Well, I am working on a post to show you how they are hiding this evil and it will blow your mind. Kids are doing it under their parents nose and parents don’t even know! Trust me! I know. And the thought of, “Not my kid.” I will still challenge you to talk to your kid, educate your kid, and yes test your kid. Help them. I explained to you above how their brains just can’t reason so why not give them an out. The worst thing that will happen is they will test positive and guess what, now you have something to talk about. Just like if they test negative…..you still have something to talk about.
So will you join me in my mission? Will you start the conversation under your roof? I promise our kids are depending on us to do this and I promise lives are depending on us to do this. Who’s with me?
Until next time,
XO,
Amy
What is Juuling? And How Bad Is It?-A Mom's Persepective
Do you know what a Juul is? Have you heard of an e-cigarette? If you have not heard of this and you are a parent you need to get educated. Honestly if you are a parent and you have not heard of this you might be living under a rock and I am coming at you hard with REAL TALK to get you out from under the rock. There is an epidemic and it is killing our children. You heard me, killing them. And it is time to bring light to it. The media has started and I am here to join forces because I am scared. I am a parent of two teens and an eight year old and I am in fear for them and their friends.
If you are a parent and you have heard of this, you need to get to talking to your kiddo. I am not kidding when I tell you this. Education is key and communication is crucial. Why? Because the makers behind these devices and the liquids going into them are out to get every kid in the world! All to fill their pocket books for life. Our children, yours, mine, your neighbors kids- kids, every kid is who they want!
Why? Because they have discovered kids are easy to market too. They are gullible, and our kids believe it if it is in writing (ie. false advertising) that it claims to be safer than a good ole fashion cigarette then that is just what it is. They are risk takers and their poor frontal lobes are not developed enough to tell them otherwise.
Something to keep in mind….how easy these are too hide. I honestly thought it was a gadget for the computer! NO LIE! Education is important.
Want to know what happens when they try it? They get a buzz they can’t resist and they love. The odds are stacked against them immediately and more than likely they will get addicted to the Juul and the people selling it, the people making it, the people investing in it because they are excellent marketers and excellent at telling our kids what they want to hear and when they do right…..well, they will have a client for life. They want your money and your childs brain. You think I am kidding? Consider this.
In December 2018 it was announced that each Juule employee would receive an average of $1.3 million in bonuses because Altria, the parent company of Marlboro, invested $12.8 BILLION in Juul, giving the tobacco giant a direct line to millions of youth e-cigarette users. Now if that does not get your attention I don’t know what will. I find that very scary and downright disturbing.
What can we do about it? Well, I am a firm believer and always have been that it has to start at home. This is hard when you are dealing with a teenager. Trust me. I can 100 percent say I know and understand. I have two at home right now as I type this and YES hands down they think I am the biggest idiot on the face of this earth and honestly probably do not like me. Not always, but most of the time. My job however is to say, “Hey, that is ok, I am not interested in being your friend, nor am I interested in being your friends friend, or your friends parents friend! I am interested in being your parent and keeping you alive so YOU and I can see what your amazingly, wonderful, future has in store for you!”
I believe whole heartedly that opening up the communication on this is crucial. I want to educate you a little bit about what they are dong so maybe you can get the courage, the gumption, the guts, the whatever it is you need to begin the conversation. You never know, maybe they want you too because they don’t know where to go. They are scared if they come to you! They are fearful of any kind of negative reaction. What they don’t understand and maybe you don’t understand is that you are the most influential person in your kids life. Yep! You are! Even on the days they think you are just plain dumb! You can influence your child. You just have to be ready to listen first, try to understand your child and why or how it started, and THEN you can try to help them understand you and the facts. But, if you miss the first part of listening you lose the entire battle before you even begin.
Facts to kids are not as important as their feelings. WE need to be listening to their feelings and trying to understand where they are coming from. Ask questions that do not require a yes or no. Ask, “Why?” And then listen. Ask , “How come?” And then listen. Ask, “Tell me more about that.” And then listen. Ask, “Help me understand.” And then listen!
Get curious. Show them compassion and THEN share your concerns and facts.
But in order to be able to do this you need to understand vaping. Vaping is the act of inhaling and exhaling the heated nicotine liquid (or other liquids) by means of a vape pen or e-cigarette (aka:Juul). Also known as JUULing.
So now that you know what vaping is….Did you know that most kids start by vaping an innocent flavor? A delicious flavor too I might add! They have everything from mint, to cucumber mint, to fruity pebbles to who knows what else. It is not nicotine it is a simple liquid flavor. My first reaction to this was “WHY!?” Why on earth would you vape and inhale a heated liquid for its flavor! Chew gum for crying outloud! Well here are some of the reasons:
“It’s cool”-there is no negative stigma amongst young people associated with vaping
It’s easy to hide
Flavors are delicious (cherry, peppermint, cucumber, fruity pebbles)
Easy to acquire
Aggressive marketing campaign
Highly addictive
Provides a means to smoking tobacco or marijuana
I have to be honest when I see all this I still scratch my head. I keep thinking why would anyone want to inhale heat? So I asked my own son why kids do this and his response was, “You get a good buzz”. That buzz is hard to compete with friends. I am hear to tell ya it is a battle and a battle that will destroy your homelife and your child. It is a battle that will drive you insane! Trust me. We are living it and it is hard to type that but we are. My heart hurts and my heart is in fear, but what can I do?
I will tell you. First thing Trey and I can do is open up conversation. Before we could do this though, we had to get educated. I am hoping this little blog post will be cliff notes for you all so you can start talking now because I see this epidemic getting out of control. Did you know there has already been one confirmed death of a child from the Juul and there are many kids in hospitals across the country with a “mysterious” upper respitory virus that presents like walking pnemonia that they are thinking it is tracing back to the Juul? Are you aware of this? It is seriously worse I think then they thought 3 months ago and the longer the makers of Juul are allowed to market it our kids are at risk! So get educated…Let me see if I can help you get started:
STATISTICS:
At least 38% of high schoolers and 13% of middle schoolers have tried vaping and the percentage is seriously low because it is based on self report. Personally what kid is going to admit this?!!!! (My money says it is 80-90% of both middle and high schoolers….but that is my opinion)
Legal age for buying a vape pen juuls is 18 years of age
Twice as many high-school students vape as smoke
Over the past 5 years e-cigarette use has not dropped
Teens who vape are three times more likely to later smoke cigarettes
Along with educating yourself, you and your partner need to come up with boundaries and consequences that you both agree on in the event that you discover your child is involved with juuling. You need to know what they are and you need to be prepared to stick to them. This is hard, but it is key. If you don’t have this discussion with your parnter your child will come between you both and he or she will have the upper hand. So know what your consequence and boundaries are together as a united front.
So here is the deal plain and simple: YOU HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Your are the biggest social influence in your child’s life contrary to belief. You can be a huge influence in your child’s decision on whether to vape or not. BUT YOU HAVE TO TALK TO THEM.
This is hard. I KNOW! TRUST ME I KNOW. Reasoning with a teen or preteen is almost impossible and aruguments almost always break out. They just do. What is something you can do to help. Start by catching them doing something RIGHT! Start there….then when the timing is right open the conversation. For instance you see someone using an e-cigarette in person or on TV or in the movies….or you pass an e-cigarette shop while driving or see an advertisment. These opportunities will help the conversation be more natural if you will….but be prepared to ask questions and then listen. Listening to their answers will give you more information on why they are doing it. Maybe it is to feel “cool”, maybe it is due to stress from a relationship, maybe it is simple “peer pressure”, maybe it is a way to escape, or maybe it truly has become an addiction. Whatever the case is continue to be curious. The more curious you are and the more questions you ask will help them in communicating back to you what they are thinking and maybe even their why.
You also need to be prepared to answer their questions. Here is a slide as to how to answer some of their questions.
Once you get through this process it is WAY ok to share your concerns. Just remember to stay calm. Especially when you are discussing the rules of your home and the consequences if your child decides to partake in this behavior.
IF you are highly suspicious of this behavior already, did you know you can test them? There are nicotine test on the market and yes it is ok to test your child! Does it send the message that you don’t trust them? NO! Actually I really wish I would have been testing my boys since middle school. True story! We told them in middle school we would be drug testing randomly for their safety. We explained it was our right and that it would allow them an out should they ever be pressured. Did we do it? God’s truth no and I am so sad we did not. WE waited until it was necessary and that is never fun.
Here is what testing them actually does though. It opens up communication. If they are negative you approach it with “YES! I am so proud of you as this stuff is no joke!” And you feed them the facts. IF they are positive, well, now you know and you can have even more to talk about.
This is hard and never fun. I know. Raising kids today is scary, but you know what’s even scarier? Losing your child to something that could have been prevented if we just knew the facts. As God as my witness, just today a dear childhood friend called and I discovered her son is in the hospital right now for a respitory condition they think is a result of Juuling! When I got that call I told her that she was a sign from God I needed to get this post out. I have been sitting on it for months for fear of backlash or people saying I am over reacting. Well, I am not sitting anymore nor should you!
Here is some information about that Juul that I find very disturbing hence this blog post.
Ok if that does not scare you listen to this! Autopsies were performed on indivdiuals who had passed away (not of juuling) and they were aware that had used the juul. These individuals had the sores that people get in their mouths from juuling and they went all the way down their mouth, trachea, esophagus, and into their lungs! These sores are the sores that the doctors cannot figure out how to get rid of them. Why? Because they are finding that the metal that the juul makers use is cheap and toxic. When the metal and the toxic chemicals heat up they have no idea what is happening when it turns into a gaseous form. That is stupid scary and these people are marketing this to our kids! And our kids are falling into the trap and becoming addicted. It is a problem friends and one that I hope you all will join me in fighting. Our kids are depending on us too.
Remember this: “The hardest part of parenting is raising children.”-Anonymous
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
I would like to thank our church Highland Park United Methodist Church in Dallas for hosting our amazing School District, Highland Park ISD, and their Parent Education Committee in a discussion on vaping in the spring. I would also like to thank Sparrow House Counseling and EnterHealth Addiction Treatment Center for the slides used in this blog post
PS. If you suspect your teen is juuling and you need help here are a few resources:
https://www.sparrowhousecounseling.com/
http://www.mend-counseling.com/ -Jennifer Blazek. LPC-S
http://www.harbergcounseling.com/
Is The Heart Ever Ready?
WHOO HOO! OR BOO HOO? I am not really sure! All I know is I have major mixed emotions! I need the kids back in school for some kind of routine, but if they go back to school that means my oldest son will be starting his senior year and after that is college. I know he is ready and that is not the point. The point is my heart is not. I cannot believe he is already a senior! It feels like just yesterday I was living in Dallas, pregnant and sick, waiting for Trey to return from being away for 6 months in the war. Seriously! And it was 18 years ago! Man when they say time flies…..they mean it! Especially when you have kids!
So today starts a new chapter. The chapter of getting Will ready to leave the nest and getting my heart ready for my Will to leave…..NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I am so not ready! I am so fearful he will pack his bags and just never look back!
Why? Well, I have to tell you life has been tough with us lately. This is REAL TALK now and if you are not a mama you might not understand this. BUT….I really think something happens psychologically when a son is preparing to go to college. I can’t speak for girls other than I am one, but honestly it was a different time when I was going to school. For starters I didn’t even think about what college I would attend until January of my Senior Year where now a days they start preparing these kids their sophmore year of high school. It really is ridiculous as far as I am concerned, but hey, nobody is asking me! I digress! Point is Will and I have had somewhat of a push and pull. One minute we are talking like normal people the next minute I have said something to really upset him and before you know it we are not talking.
He is becoming extremely independent, which I know is a good thing and what I want, but he does not really need me anymore. He could survive without me. That hurts. Part of me says, “Amy, this is good. This means he is capable.” The other part of me says, “I know he is capable! The point is he does not need you!” (Knife to the heart!) Man, it feels like just yesterday he was telling me he loved me more and he would never leave me and that he would always live in our blue house with me. Sweet memories.
So as we embark on this new school year I need to remember to stay present. To focus on the good and not go to crazy when I need to be a parent, but to remember we have three great young men who are kind, sensitive, compassionate, talented, respectful, and extremely capable. I need to remember I too was a teen once and how exciting that was……so exciting that sometimes I did not make the best decisions, but I always learned from my choices and grew. I hope the same is true for my boys. We all have to learn through choices and next year Will will be on his own and I have to rest in the peace of knowing we have raised him to know God, to understand consequences, to work hard, to be a leader not a follower, to follow his dreams, and to never quit.
So as our new chapter begins I will ask that you pray for us. Pray that all three boys have an amazing school year, pray that my heart is ok and understands this is good, and pray all three of them, but especially Will at this time knows:
I love them no matter what
I believe in them more than they believe in themselves
I want them to follow their hearts and their dream
If they do that all will be well in the world
Until Next Time,
Amy
Tell Them....
As I sit here writing this Sunday, I actually started out trying to finish my July book review, but I just cannot. After learning about the news of not one but two mass shootings, my heart is crushed. If you can think of a word worse than crushed, defeated, broke, shattered, you get the picture, that is my heart, mind, and soul, and I am sure most of you, if not all of you feel the same pain. If you are like me you are asking yourself and God, “What is happening? What is going on? Why are these YOUNG people feeling the need to kill? What is going on in their brains and why is it happening? Is it drugs? Is it influence? But from what? Video games? Social media? Why?” OR an even bigger question, “Where are you God? Where are you in this?” Yes, I find myself asking that and if you are too I don’t blame you. There are families out there who have lost a loved one to a senseless act. All for what? Who knows.
There is so much hatred in this world. So much! I just don’t understand. And trust me, I know life is hard. I know bad things happen. But gosh dang it, I feel like it is out of control. I can’t help but start wondering as a parent with teens is it the substances and the drugs these kids get into? Look I know kids are gonna be kids. I was one once. I did dumb things, made dumb choices, tried things, but now a days I feel like the stuff our kids experiment with really changes them if they get bad stuff. And honestly that is another blog all by itself. Point is I am so sad and I know you are too. I just needed a minute to vent. That is all. Maybe me admiting I am wondering where God is will bring someone else comfort and know they are not alone in this.
As I sit here I will voice that I am in the valley of the unknown and I know God knows me and loves me. He understands me and is listening to my every tear and He will help my unbelief. He will do the same for you. So if you are like me and thinking, ‘That could have been me grocery shopping at Walmart or my son out on the town, that could have been me shot and I would never see my family again or worse my child could have been shot and killed.” As you think that and as I think that, remember this, tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Tell them how much you believe in them and how much you love them. Tell them how proud you are of them and how lucky you are to have them. Tell them. Because you may never get a chance to again. Satan is alive and he is attacking America. Evil is on the rise and we need to rebuke it through prayer and through love. So tell them you love them……
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
The art above was done by my son Will. To say I am so proud is not even enough. So proud.
Long Time No Write....
It has been a while since I sat down to really write something. I decided at the beginning of the summer I was going to focus on my family knowing when school started back I could pick right up where I left off. What has changed? Well a number of things. First and foremost I love it when I receive a DM on the gram or a DM on the book of face that says, “I miss your writing”, “I miss your inspiration”, or “I miss your recipes”. You guys have no idea what that does for me! But, trust me, I have been working on content and ideas here and there and I have hired a phenomenal coach who is helping me and I am hoping to blow this blog UP!!!! But, the other thing that has changed is I realized how much I personally need this blog. It is so healing for me and so cleansing and I need it!
How do I know this? Well, today is my sweet Mama’s birthday. She would have been 83…..and for those of you new here, she passed away in December of 2016. It still hurts. It hurts so bad sometimes that I can’t breathe. As I sit here writing this I wonder if some people get sick of hearing about it? Honestly, it does not matter because I know there is someone else reading this who is still missing their person as much as I am missing my mom and they need to hear it right here right now that, that is ok. My mom and I had such a neat relationship and we had great talks….everyday at 3 to be exact….and I miss that. And it is ok.
So today I decided to sit down and write because writing is cleansing. And honest to God yesterday in my “special journal”, the question was: Reflect upon your family. It could be a parent, sibling, grandparent, or someone else. How do they help shape your life? YALL!!!!!!! It is my mom!!!!!! I am going to take a picture and show you what I wrote!
My mom was AMAZING! Still is in my eyes and I truly believe my mom’s spirit is in me. She is in my heart and she is in my soul and that makes me so happy. Because anyone who knew that little red headed firecracker knows there was not a more pure spirit in this world. My mom loved ALMOST everybody. I can name one person, which I will not, who my mother did not have compassion or love for. Other than that, my mom never spoke ill of anyone. She loved the weak, the strong, the poor, the rich, the dumb, the smart, the homosexual, the hetrosexual, the Christian, the Jew, the Buddhist, the non Christian, the addict, the black, the white, and the brown. My mom was the epitome of love. Was she perfect? No, but in my eyes she came close. Did she have faults? Yes, but her strengths sure out weighed her faults. And her love was pure and real. Her love allowed me to be free to be who I am and I really think her love is part of the reason I march to my own beat. I will forever be grateful to my mom for this gift. My mom is part of the reason I know deeply that I am worthy of love and goodness in my life. She gave me so much love, support, and compassion, in the 46 years of life I spent with her that I truly believe she is the reason I am able to survive whatever comes at me. So today, on her 83 birthday I would like to say, “Thank you Mom! Thank you for loving me for me and for passing on the gifts of love, compassion, and forgiveness.'“
Happy Birthday Mom!
Love Always,
Amy
This journal is amazing! If you are really looking for growth, healing, or reflection, this journal is it. It gives you a prompt and the prompts are very good and very powerful!
The Upside of the Side Hustle
You might be asking yourself, “Why on earth is Amy selling this coffee?” Trust me, I asked myself that for about 29 days after I signed on to do it, then I got paid! That day changed everything! Truly! But I guess I should start at the beginning for you to truly understand that.
It all started back in college when my bestfriend Ginger and I signed up to do Amway! Yep! I sure did! And NOPE I did not make any money! Then it was after college while I was at Buzz Print and my mentor and dear friend Lori Clark talked me into signing up to do Advocare! Yep! Back in the 90’s I sold advocare….well….not really! I did not do anything but take the products myself, however, looking back as I type this I realize now I was sitting on a gold mine! The 90’s people! That program is still around, or at least kind of. I just heard they are going retail, but not real sure what that means for its distributors. Next I was in the military and I was talked into selling Southern Living. I did one party, got all the goods I wanted for my house and was done! Then I did Once Upon a Family and while I did make money, the problem with that company was I had to do inventory and that drove my husband me crazy! I am not organized enough for that! So after that I hung up MLM and swore I would NEVER do it again! How does the saying go? “Never say Never!” Well it is true! Never say Never….
Side note: When I married Trey he was a pilot in the Navy and he would be gone for 6-9 months at a time on a ship so when we got married he said, “We will NEVER go on a cruise!” He meant it too people….guess what….we have been on 5 since we have been married!!!!!
Funny how that works! Now back to the story. In December, I was approached by my sweet student and friend Beth Hall about this coffee she wanted me to try AND she threw in with her little southern drawl, “And if you want you could sell it on your blog and make some extra money…” I laughed and said, “Ya no, I don’t like selling to my friends. I have done that mulitple times and it just did not work out for me. Tell me to sell to a company and I can do it….ask me to sell to a friend and I am not your girl.” She just smiled and nodded very elegantly like she does.
GIRLS TRIP!
Fast forward to February and it was her third follow up with me and I said, “You know, I have not tried it yet, but I am going on a girls trip this weekend and I am happy to bring some and give it to my friends to try and I will get back to you.” Well, guess what! I didn’t give the samples to the girls, nor did I try it myself.
In March I got pneumonia and I was down for the count and when I started healing and coming back to life I started reading alot. I came across a quote by Forbes that went something like this: “There is no downside to a side hustle. There are only benefits to building more than one source of income. A side hustle is the new job security.” That really reasonated with me for a number of reasons. Reasons I will not go into detail now, but they are real and they are worthy.
So I decide to give Beth a call. I think she probably fell off her chair when she heard why I was calling, not to mention I had lost EVERY sample she gave me and NEVER tried it for myself! No lie! But I knew it intrigued me because it was coffee and coffee is the most popular beverage in the world with more than 400 billion cups consumed each year with 450 million cups of coffee being consumed in the US DAILY! Yep! That is right. How do I know this? Well some of you know I am obsessed with Bullet Proof coffee so I have kind of studied weird things about coffee and the fact that Reviatlu was selling coffee that is healthy, well that intrgued me more.
I liked what it could do and I liked that she was giving it to me for free to try!
So what do you do when you have never tried a product but you know the benefits of the ingredients and you know that tons of coffee is consumed daily and the product is coffee….well if you are Amy Berry you say, “Hey can I sign up to sell this stuff and could you give me some samples to try it while I wait for mine to come in?!” Yep that is pretty much how it went down and the rest is history. I have been with the company since April 19 and I have made back my initial investment times 2! Not bad! Considering my history with MLM and the one I did make money with I saw no money for the first 9 months. So I consider this a win!
It is a win because the money potential is GREAT! It is a win because the product is AMAZING and does what it says it will do! It is a win because all I have to do is hand out samples and the samples sell themselves! It is a win because I can do it from the comfort of my couch, my bed, the park, on vacation, whenever and wherever I want! It is a win beause I am meeting some amazing people! And it is a win because it is taking me out of my comfort zone and I am getting past the fear of “what will my friends think and say.” So I am growing and my family is benefiting! So can you say, “Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!” And it is a win because it means more income for my family which in turn means more options! So everybody wins!!!!! So bottom line….even if it was just $500 a month I was earning I have to ask myself what else would I be doing with that time that could have earned me that…..just some food for thought……
So, if you are like I was and wanting to earn some extra money for your family and yourself, let’s talk. This company might intrigue you like it did me and it might not, but it is a win either way because we will have had some time together! If you want to sample any or all of the products, message me! I promise you will love all the benefits it can and will give you! Besides what do you have to lose? It’s free!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
Freeze and Freak...an Internal Struggle!
Ever have one of those days that you just are in a funk? No real reason or maybe there is one, but you know there is nothing you can do about it and that you should just stay present, but your mind keeps going. Ya, I am having one of those days.
I find for me as a mom these kind of days happen more when change is coming. It is an anticipation to the, “what will it be like?” I have shared with you before that I suffer from depression. It is under control, but it is under control because I choose to take my meds daily and I go to counseling and seek help-a minumim of once a month. I am not afraid to ask for help or go more often if I need, and I do not shy away from calling a friend or mentor when I need talk. However, there are times when I feel it coming on strong…..like right now.
Friday, the boys will be getting out of school. This overwhelms me more than I can even begin to explain. My head starts spinning, I start breathing and I shut down. It is almost like I become frozen. Anyone else have this? It is crazy! I have friends sending me dates their kids will be in camps, other friends sending me flight itineraries to camps the boys will be attending with them, and still other friends literally asking me to their summer homes on specific dates and I can’t function. I have calendar. I have a pen. I have a computer. But for some reason I freeze and freak out internally!
It is really quite ridiculous and being aware of this is not enough. Then it gets compounded with a three day holiday weekend which always is hard for me and end of year school activities. This year has been worse for me and I think it is because I have an incoming Senior and we are already having deadlines and meetings about next school year. I want to shout at the top of my lungs, “I can’t even schedule a trip that the dates have been laid out for me perfectly and you want me to schedule next year!” This is real people and I know I am not alone.
Ok…if you are like me and you freak out…this journal will do you good! It is my Daily Deposit Journal and you can get one at www.macymcneely.com
So how am I going to tackle this? Well I could break it down to very simple: start with one day at a time…..maybe even one hour at a time. This is hard for me. ESPECIALLY if I forget one thing…. I have to wake up with God. No lie. If I miss this, then I might as well hang it up, UNTIL… I realize that was the step I missed and I start over right there in that moment and go to God. Then I breath. Then I write down 5 things I must do that day. ONLY that day. And sometimes I have to really prioritize this.
Example: Yesterday was Friday, May 24. I still did not have JP’s plane ticket for June 22. Well we all know if I did not jump on that the price was eventually going to go up so this definitely had to be on the list. Here is a list of other things that were possibilities….Will’s passport to the church. Get June calendar written down (JP summer school schedule, JP is gone, Will is gone, VBS), figure out when JP back in July. Decide when the family trip can happen because June is shot with both boys gone and summer school and JP starts Phantom rehearsal on August 5. Decide sleep away camp for Graeme. Decide day camps for Graeme. Teacher gifts. End of year Party. Baseball game schedule this weekend. Work schedule when I need subs. Will’s add for yearbook NEXT YEAR (NUTS). Will’s senior calendar activities prioritized (this has me so frozen). You get the point….I know I am only capable of 5 things and I have all that AND all the while I am thinking I suck because I don’t have Graeme signed up for ANYTHING but VBS and his other friends moms have spreadsheets of what their kid is doing this summer. JP’s friends are getting headshots and auditioning in things I have never heard of. Will’s friends parents are planning their Senior Trip for next March (I am talking 2020 people) and all their parties and I have yet to even get a gift for his friends that are graduating THIS Friday! You see what I am doing here….I am comparing myself and my family and do you see what it does! It freezes me! It freaks me out! And when you have depression it is not good because it shuts you down and it makes you want to run and hide!
It is real people and yes it affects someone as outgoing as me! Someone who is alive can die a slow death by choking on fear and suffocating on comaprison. Someone who is perfectly capable of prioritizing, making lists, and making things happen, can shut down. Happens to me all the time! Happening right now as I type. And if you are someone like me, know you are not alone. Also know there is hope! You can do this! I can do this! We can do this! And we will! One day at a time! One prayer at a time! One list at a time! One task at a time!
So this summer is coming in hot and it will happen. The kids will get to their camps. They will get a vacation and August will hit and I will freeze again just like I do every August. When that happens I will read this and I will remember to start my day with God. Breath. Make a list. One foot in front of the other. One step in the right direction is a step in the right direction. AND I AM NOT ALONE!
Until next time,
XO,
Amy
Mommy and Me Time
Dear Mom,
Mother’s Day number 3 without you is going down in the books. Time does make this easier for sure, but I still get those sudden surges of grief where this rush of sadness overcomes me and I just want to crumble. I still wonder “what if”….
What if we had moved you to Dallas? What if we had forced you out of your house into assisted living? What if I had come home more? All the “what if’s” give me is pain. Real pain. I imagine things going differently. I imagine you still here IF we had only done things differently.
It is selfish of me actually. I want you here because this year has been hard and I could have used my mom. So selfishly I sit here saying, “What if we had moved you to Dallas?” Well, here is the what if….If we had moved you to Dallas you might be dead anyways due to loneliness. All of your friends and your entire life was in Graham. You LOVED that town. You LOVED your friends. You LOVED your church. So even if you were here in Dallas, you might not have been able to be there for me like I wanted, like I needed. The “what if” we had made you move to assisted living….well, I am not going to lie. I personally think you would of thrived there. You LOVED people! You loved being around people. You loved serving people. I think you would have been the Mayorette of the assisted living in Graham, but the point is that is not what you wanted. I wanted it. For selfish reasons! So you would still be here!
I have learned alot through all my counseling since you have been gone. One big thing is everyone has a right to feel how they want. Be who they want. Live THEIR life how they want. That is what you did. No it is not what I wanted and no it did not end how I wanted it to, but I am proud to say you got to do it your way. You lived your life your way up until the very end and you did it with strength and you did it with grace.
I still remember having the conversation with you in the ICU at Presbyterian Hospital about dying. You were not scared at all. I told you I was and your response to me was a very quiet response I remember. You simply said very quietly, “Everybody has to do it.” I remember crying and asking you if were you scared. I was so concerned about you being scared. You held my hand and said, “No.”
We both knew your day was coming and it was coming fast. Funny thing is you surprised us all and got out of the hospital! I remember thinking we were dodging a bullet. Only to have that bullet hit two weeks later and I never saw it coming. I still remember “Your day.” I remember what I was wearing. My perfume. My hair. All of it! I got up early and went to Starbucks, which is so unlike me. I got to the hospital before all my siblings! I remember thinking we were going to have some “Mommy and me time”. I literally thought that. Boy was I mistaken.
I knew they had intubated you the night before, but they made it sound like it was to make it easier on you so you could heal from the sepsis. I remember calling my girlfriend Leigh who is a nurse and saying, “Is this prolonging death?” I remember Leigh gently saying it would keep you calm and peaceful. It would breathe for you, but if you did not want extraordinary measures I needed to listen to your wishes. I remember going to bed relieved that the tube would calm you Mom and that you could heal. So basically I decided you were going to live! And I told my brain it was going to be ok and I firmly believed it!
I decided I would get to the hospital early to cheer you on in that endeavor! When I arrived the door was shut to your room and I remember the minute I opened it there were two nurses and a doctor in the room. A very kind nurse asked me if I was family. I nodded because I could tell something was not right. My gut knew it. You were asleep….so I thought, but you were really unconcious. Your organs were shutting down and I was the first one on the scene so I was the one who got the news. I crumbled to the ground and they got me a chair. I kept saying I was suppose to get to talk to you agian. I remember asking the nurse this question, “Will I hear my moms voice again?” She shook her head no very slowly and help me while I cried.
She was a good nurse and I never got her name because that day from that moment on is a blur to me. If I did get it I forgot it. Funny how it is nurses week and here is a prime example of someone who was my hero that day and I don’t even know her name so I will never be able to thank her for the strength she brought me so I could call each sibling and tell them to come the hospital. My sister actually got there while this was all happening so that was one less phone call. And my sister in true “get things done fashion” started asking all the questions of “What if we do this”, “What if we do that”. I remember just being numb and holding your hand begging for you to squeeze mine……that did not happen and later that afternoon your time came and you slowly and peacefully left us.
I miss you so much Mom and as I said in the beginning of this letter….time does heal…..but I do miss you so. Some days more than others, but this I know for sure, there is NEVER a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. Mom you were the best mom I could ever have and I love you so much and I miss you so much. I am proud of you Mom and I am proud that you were my mom!
Happy Mother’s Day Mom!
All my love,
Amy
Eight is GREAT
Dear Graeme!
I cannot believe you turn 8 today! It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with you! I still remember the day I found out God was blessing us with you! I will not lie, I was in shock! You see we were told we would not be able to have more babies after we lost our sweet baby bear that is in heaven. So mommy just went on with life. I went on but I have to tell you I was empty. Something was missing. Do you know what was missing? YOU!
Graeme, when I found out God was giving us you I honestly did not believe it. I would go to the doctor darn near EVERY week, true story! You can ask Dr. Bertrand. I would go in and ask for a sonogram just to make sure your heart was still beating. To make sure you were still growing. And to make sure there was no extra fluid around you or your brain. That is what happened to baby bear. Dr. Bertrand and his staff were so patient, understanding, and kind. I needed that because I was so worried about you and I was so scared of losing you.
On December 13, 2010, Daddy and I found out we were having a boy. YOU! I remember that day like it was yesterday. Your big brothers, Daddy, and I went to my special doctor, Dr. Rinehart. He was a funny guy I remember. His humor always put me at ease. That day however, I was very impatient. I had to see him every two weeks and for some reason that morning I was really panicking. Maybe it was because I knew Will and JP would be with us and I could not bear for them to see what happens when the babies heart beat has stopped, like what happened to baby Berry. Who knows really. What I do know, up until that day I did not believe I would have you. I lived in fear of losing you, but something happened the minute Dr. Rinehart told your brothers they would be having a baby brother. Something magical. It was at that moment I knew in my heart you were mine and we would have you. I think the same thing happened to Daddy. Because, after that day, Daddy started singing to you in my belly and talking to you and everything changed. Changed for the better. I can’t explain it.
I remember writing Baby Berry a note that day. If I find it I will share it with you. I thanked her for the 16 short weeks she gave me and thanked her for watching over you until God gave us you. I thanked her for going to Heaven because now we got you. I think it was at that moment I let go and let God have her and realized she would have been very sick on this earth. I realized her going home to God was better. She would not be in pain and we would have you.
This may be a lot for your maginificant 8 year old brain, but the point is I want you to know how lucky I feel to have you. How lucky our family feels. I want you to know we all love you so much and you make our world complete. Before you my heart had a hole and I was very sad. You came into our world and we are complete. You make us complete Graeme Berry!
I love you so much boo! I see big things ahead for you! I believe in you! And I love you sooo!
Happy Birthday Graeme Bear!
Love you mostest!
Mom
Mothers Day Gift Ideas
Mothers Day is just around the corner….This holiday still stings a little. Not really sure why either because my Mom hated getting gifts. She would always say, “Send me a hydrangea or a gift card to get my hair done.” Honestly now I just wish I would of done what she asked instead of tried to do otherwise. That was what she wanted, but I always thought I needed to be creative. Truth is, my mom was stupid simple! Like ridiculously simple and I don’t think I ever honored that because….well….I am not! That is the truth. Now I wish I would have just relished in her simplicity and then it would have alleviated so much stress! Learn from me!
Today I am here to help those of you whose moms might be like me….not simple….does not make them good or bad, just makes them someone who is hard to buy for. It is very ironic for me to write that. Why? Because I use to think my mom was hard to buy for and that was because I was too selfish not to see she was really simple and wanted just what she asked for… a phone call, a card, and time. That is all…..nothing big, unique, spectactular, or god forbid something she would have to dust! That makes me giggle but it is so true! So today I am bringing ideas to you especially if your mom is like me and likes thought out gifts. If she is not get her, her favorite flower, a card, a phone call, a framed picture, a gift card for a mani/pedi, or her hair. She will love it! Trust me…..but most importantly if you can, give her the gift of your presence. I so wish I could.
These are some of her amazing earrings…I have the rainbow hoops and love them!
Jewelry! Jewelry is always a good go to! I have two sources that I love! One is a personal friend and her jewelry is delicate and precious and the other designer I do not know, but I love the sentiment behind her pieces. Check these girls out! I promise you can’t go wrong and you might even find something for yourself.
First up the amazing Jennifer Porter. Now Jennifer’s pieces are unique and very classy. They are simple and pieces you can wear everyday. I love how delicate they look, but how amazingly sturdy they are. I wear my heart necklace ALL the time to remind me of Worthy Heart and my purpose. I have beautiful rainbow hoops which are multi colored sapphires, in honor of my beautiful boy JP and to remind me of God’s promise. I got these as a gift from two VERY special people in my life, Elizabeth and Corinne, and I wear them everyday. Jennifer does not have a website, but if you are on instagram I HIGHLY encourage you to go check her out @jenniferporterjewelry She is out of California, but if you live in Dallas, rumor has it she will be here in May before Mother’s Day. If you would like to go see her jewelry in person send me a private message and I will see what I can arrange. She has also generously offered my readers a discount code of 10% off if you mention WORTHY HEART! So go take a look and get you, your mom, and your friend a unique, beautiful, thoughtful, piece! Everyone wins!
This is my heart necklace that I wear everday all day and all night and everywhere! I love it so much!
For my more sentimental mommies. Lisa Leonard Design is your girl. I have a number of her pieces as well and each one represents something about my kids, from their names to their birthstones, to sentimental stories that only I would understand. If your mom is sentimental and likes jewelry I highly suggest you taking a look at this gal. Each piece is simple and can be worn with jeans or your little black dress. The nice thing is, no matter how you are dressed, you are always wearing a piece of your heart!
Some of my favorites! Each ring represents each one of my children. The gold one with diamonds in our precious baby in heaven.
If your mom is more like my mom and is so simple that the only piece of jewelry she wears is her wedding band you could consider skin care. After all we ladies like to keep our skin young and dewey! I have the perfect company for you! Busy Beauties. I am actually in love with their products. To see how I got started wearing their skin care click here! I promise your mom or friend will LOVE their products. They have hair products as well that I have not tried yet, but people who have just rave about it! So if you know someone who would love skin or hair products….or both….go check them out here If it is your first time to order they have given me a code of FIRST and you get 25% off your first order. If it is not your first time you can enter the code YAY20 and get 20% off! Happy shopping!
The next idea I have is what I got my mother in law….I really hope she is not reading this now….if you are Gramzee….HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! My mother in law LOVES to give gifts that help people and I wanted to incorporate that in the gift we got her this year. While I was at a women’s retreat at our Church in February there was a vendor who had the coolest product! SaPeyKa! They are a woman owned, who sell handmade quilts made from vintage saris in communities located in South Asia. How cool is that? And you guys, these quilts are stunning and so soft! I want one! They come in all kinds of colors and textures. I am thinking about getting each boy one for Christmas they are that GREAT! You can check them out here and I promise you will not go wrong with this gift! They are a little pricey for a blanket, but they are handmade and so stinking soft! I can’t wait to get my own! If you do purchase one, make sure to mention Worthy Heart’s Mother’s day post and you will get 20% off!!!! AWESOME DEAL on an AMAZING blanket!
If your mom is like me and likes to cook then a fun cooking gadget with an awesome tea towel or apron is always a neat gift. I have just the idea for you!
Last idea I have is my new water bottle from QuiFit! Every women needs to be drinking their water! If you are like me you need help and you need a challenge! I have it! Check this puppy out from Amazon!
Now if your mom has a sweet tooth like me and you want to give her something sweet yet classy, you really shoud check out We the Birds Macarons Their macarons are not only beautiful they are so tasty it is ridiculous!
Last but not least if you are in the Dallas area and you want to just stick with what my mom always asked for, I have the florist for you! She actually does it out of her home and her flowers are stunning! You can find her on instagram @haute_chic_designs. Her name is Sara Tran Quang and her work is impeccable! Take a look and message her if you are in the area! I know she would love to brighten your mothers home!
