Why Veterans Day is Hard for Me as a Veterans Wife
Today brings a lot of mixed emotions for me. It is Veterans day. A day that we as Americans honor and thank all military personnel who served our wonderful country. The key word is served. Why does this bring me mixed emotions? Well, my husband served 20 years in the Navy and up until this year he struggled with it. Why? I am not sure because I am not him, but I will tell you what I think.
He was in a plane crash in May of 2000 while practicing night time carrier landings. There was a bird strike, long story short, and he and two of his buddies went down in the middle of the night in a pitch black sky. They all three survived, but the ramifications from the crash were pretty huge starting with a broken back. Would you believe that he and his friends were back in the cockpit doing REAL night time landings on the ship by October. True story! Talk about brave and they were overseas in less than a year fighting for our freedom. Again very courageous and brave.
This picture does it no justice
What was I doing? Well, I beat myself up daily now because I was Suzy happy homemaker making a home and in such bliss of being engaged and newly married that I never even stopped to think of the mental ramifications this might have caused. I mean when you get a call in the middle of the night that there has been an incident but your fiance is alive, well, you are just relieved and when they discharge him from the hospital hours after the crash, well, one tends to think no big deal right? Wrong! It was a freaking plane crash! It was a hunk of metal that dropped from the sky, split in half, and caught fire! VERY TRAUMATIC, but you would never have known with how I was responding or how Trey was responding. Never! Because we kept on keeping on.
The investigation begins…..18 months later Trey and his co pilot were cleared. That was a long 18 months……and they flew in a war while waiting to know…..for our freedom…….away from their families….
How many people will survive a plane crash in their life? A very small percentage and very few that can say they were at the controls when it happened and everyone survived because of his and their co pilots ability to compartmentalize and work together to save themselves and all the civilians below them.
It has been over 19 years since that fateful night. 19 years of much joy, but there has been a lot of pain. Physical and mental. And I can honestly say this year is my first year to admit I am angry. Angry with how the military was not their for my husband and his friends during that time. Now, I need to clarify. Trey’s squadron was AMAZING. His CO and XO were outstanding! But the Navy overall during that time, not so much. Sure they crossed their i’s and dotted their t’s, but I blame them for so much pain my husband has endured over these past 19 years which in turn my family has also endured. We are strong and lucky for my husband I am not a quitter, but I know there are plenty of other military families that have split due to the trauma of something they experienced while fighting for this country. And all they get is a parade on November 11 or a celebration. I am really not sure what I expect either, but I do know our military needs to do better when it comes to trauma. They need to do better when it comes to Vets and I feel like I can say this because I witness it under my own roof. Am I asking for a handout? No. Hell, I am not even sure what this is about other than it is one step in the right direction of healing for me, for Trey, and for our beautiful family.
Our family is strong and our family fights for each other. Could not be more proud of us!
