WHOO HOO! OR BOO HOO? I am not really sure! All I know is I have major mixed emotions! I need the kids back in school for some kind of routine, but if they go back to school that means my oldest son will be starting his senior year and after that is college. I know he is ready and that is not the point. The point is my heart is not. I cannot believe he is already a senior! It feels like just yesterday I was living in Dallas, pregnant and sick, waiting for Trey to return from being away for 6 months in the war. Seriously! And it was 18 years ago! Man when they say time flies…..they mean it! Especially when you have kids!
So today starts a new chapter. The chapter of getting Will ready to leave the nest and getting my heart ready for my Will to leave…..NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I am so not ready! I am so fearful he will pack his bags and just never look back!
Why? Well, I have to tell you life has been tough with us lately. This is REAL TALK now and if you are not a mama you might not understand this. BUT….I really think something happens psychologically when a son is preparing to go to college. I can’t speak for girls other than I am one, but honestly it was a different time when I was going to school. For starters I didn’t even think about what college I would attend until January of my Senior Year where now a days they start preparing these kids their sophmore year of high school. It really is ridiculous as far as I am concerned, but hey, nobody is asking me! I digress! Point is Will and I have had somewhat of a push and pull. One minute we are talking like normal people the next minute I have said something to really upset him and before you know it we are not talking.
He is becoming extremely independent, which I know is a good thing and what I want, but he does not really need me anymore. He could survive without me. That hurts. Part of me says, “Amy, this is good. This means he is capable.” The other part of me says, “I know he is capable! The point is he does not need you!” (Knife to the heart!) Man, it feels like just yesterday he was telling me he loved me more and he would never leave me and that he would always live in our blue house with me. Sweet memories.
So as we embark on this new school year I need to remember to stay present. To focus on the good and not go to crazy when I need to be a parent, but to remember we have three great young men who are kind, sensitive, compassionate, talented, respectful, and extremely capable. I need to remember I too was a teen once and how exciting that was……so exciting that sometimes I did not make the best decisions, but I always learned from my choices and grew. I hope the same is true for my boys. We all have to learn through choices and next year Will will be on his own and I have to rest in the peace of knowing we have raised him to know God, to understand consequences, to work hard, to be a leader not a follower, to follow his dreams, and to never quit.
So as our new chapter begins I will ask that you pray for us. Pray that all three boys have an amazing school year, pray that my heart is ok and understands this is good, and pray all three of them, but especially Will at this time knows:
I love them no matter what
I believe in them more than they believe in themselves
I want them to follow their hearts and their dream
If they do that all will be well in the world
