Test is ??????.....Now what?

If you have been following along you know I am a mom on a mission. A mom to get the word out about the evils of vaping and Juuling. Two weeks ago I introduced the subject matter and the response was overwhelming. Everything from, “Thank you! I had no idea what that was!” to a mom in tears because her child is addicted and she is at a loss. So what did I decide to do? I decided I can’t just leave it there and I decided to dig in deeper. Why? Because the subject matter needs momentum and I am firm believer if a bunch of crazy mom’s band together people will listen! Especially if we get loud enough! And I can tell you first hand this evil can make a mom crazy! Crazy with fear, crazy with obsessive thoughts, crazy with trying to control outcomes, crazy with anger, crazy with tears, crazy with behavior, crazy with worry, and the list goes on of just plain crae crae! Which all that crazy does is put a wedge in between you and your child. Again, I am speaking from experience so I hope you will listen.

Unfortunately this epidemic is insidious and it is lurking around everywhere so the first thing to do is get the word out which I believe is starting to happen. Next parents need to be talking to their kids about it. Regardless if you think, “Not my child.” I can sit here and tell you I was one of those mamas and that is why I can say that. True story folks. Matter of fact let me give you a little background about our family.

Not my kid! We eat dinner together, pray together, do mission trips together!…..

We are and were the family that attends church most Sundays. We eat around the dinner table and pray around the dinner table with our kids. We pray with them before school and before bed. We take them on mission trips. We do family trips. We talk. We have Spaghetti Sunday, Taco Tuesday, Pizza Friday! You get the picture! It appears that we do everything right. WRONG! We make mistakes as parents. A lot of mistakes! And guess what, the kids make mistakes. Mistakes do not define who we are. A mistake does not say, “OH BAD PARENTS….BAD KIDS!” The devil does, but not the mistakes. Point is: I was the mom that thought, “Not my kid.” RUDE AWAKENING folks. One that I learned from and I hope you will learn from my personal experience.

I went to a “symposium” about vaping back in April at my church that was actually put on by the Parent Education Committee of our school district. It was eye opening to say the least. The panel consisted of a neurologist who shared the medical facts of vaping, a licensed clinical psychologist who explained how to work together as a family to treat vaping addictions, and a number of people from our school district from Vice Principals, Chief of Police, to Counselors. I remember walking out of there thinking, “Thank God I am not dealing with this.” Truth be known there was a little whisper in my head saying, “Don’t fool yourself Amy.” I remember running into a friend who had been dealing with it. Her child is the same age of my older kids and something about knowing someone in real life made me want to do what they suggested on the panel.

What was that? Test my kids! Yep…..knowing someone personally dealing with this evil and I mean really dealing with it made it more real if you will. I knew her kid in elementary and I see her kid around town and her kid is a good kid! Always polite, always looks put together, always smiling, good looking kid! But the evil had made its way into her child’s life!

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Yall, this mess does not discriminate. It does not say, “Oh… bad kid, not so smart kid…..artist….introvert….quiet……different…non athletic kid.” NO! This stuff says: “YOUNG BRAIN LET ME AT IT!” If you don’t know what I am talking about click here because I took a tiny dive into the brain last week and explained why I think our kids are the makers of this evil stuff, target market, and why I think they were strategic in making that happen. This is my opinion as a mom too by the way. I am not an expert.

Point here is it got real for me when I knew someone dealing with it personally and with all the education we received that night. Trey and I talked and we agreed we needed to test. If nothing else to open up the conversation about the true dangers of vaping.

What that did for our family: Well now….that is loaded!!!!! First it opened up conversation. Conversation when the test was negative, and yes it was with one kid and has remained so, and conversation when the test was positive…. and yes it has been and still is at times. Yep you read that right! Two kids two different results BOTH raised by us!

The conversations were the same yet very different. We talked about the dangers and how autopsy reports (don’t know what I am talking about click here) are showing how this stuff is causing sores that our immune systems cannot fight all the way down into the lungs. We talked about how they don’t really know what the long term effects of this stuff will do. We talked about addiction in our family (and let’s be REAL HONEST here folks, most families have addiction SOMEWHERE in the lineage) and how nicotine is highly addictive. I even showed them what vaping does to your vocal cords (one of mine is a singer) and the irreversible damage. I will do a video on that because I have to say I got the idea from my brother Chuck and it was very empowering, especially for my singer. Point is we talked! WE TESTED AND WE TALKED!

Negative test-we had conversation-Positive test- we had conversation.

The positive conversation was the same BUT with the addition of, “Why?” And then we SHUT UP AND LISTENED! That is key! Listening to your kid. Did I every time? No! And if he is reading this he is laughing hysterically because I went downright crazy one time! Ok….maybe a few times! He also understands why….because I love him, desperately love him. But I also understand his why now too. Especially because I am getting educated and learning to listen to him and ask these questions:

“Why?”

“What do you think that is all about for you?”

“What does it really do for you?”

“Why do you think you like it?”

And then with all my might after each question I have to sit and be still and LISTEN! If you listen, and I mean really listen, you might get the answers which all go back to my article last week on the brain. You also might really start seeing the pressures they are under whether they put themselves there, you put them there, a teacher or coach put them there, the point is they are there. These kids are overwhelmed with stress and no I am not making any excuses, but if you start to ask the right questions and they start to open up, well, that alone will relieve soooooooooooooooo much pressure!

They want to talk and get it out, BUT they don’t feel safe! Why? Because we go crazy and don’t listen! Case in point: ME! We just start throwing hard facts at them and we really need to get down to the crux of why they felt the need to try it in the first place! You might be surprised! I was! I thought my kid wanted to fit in so that is why he did it but that is just not the case……his was an escape and a creative outlet….YEP an escape and a creative outlet! That was a scary thing to hear and one that I as an adult know is a lie, but his brain does not have the ability to tell him he IS creative and he IS amazing! Again that goes back to my article last week. Point here is: as a mama when you realize it was an escape and or a creative outlet, well let’s just say that is scary, it hurts your heart, and you feel like a failure….which is exactly where the devil wants you. Because when you feel like a failure you are no good to anyone…..LIES! Lies that are so easy to believe as an adult trying their best and as a kid wanting to fit in. Lies that can make you crazy and bring you to say and do things you never would do; as an adult and as a kid.

It is a vicious circle. One the devil is so proud of. One the devil relishes in. One that the only way to shut down is to stay calm. Ask questions. Open the conversation and listen to understand and then be understood. Then and only then can you take the next steps. What are the next steps? I firmly believe keeping the conversation going and getting help from outside resources which I will have below. Getting educated and getting your child educated is key.

I do believe something has to change at the state and federal levels and honestly that is way over this mama’s head, trust me if I get an in I will take it, but until then I think it has to start at home. Education and showing the risks that come with the choices. Communication and above all LOVE! Love your child and love their mistakes. Love them no matter what. I know it can be hard. Trust me I know. But they need to know we love them no matter what they say or do. We love them and they are safe. Because bottom line, we are all worthy of love!

Until next time,

XO,

Amy