Is God Reliable?
Is God Reliable? Well there is a loaded question. One I can answer with a resounding, “Heck ya!” AND most of you know my motto: “If it is not a Heck Ya, than it is a NO!” That simple. This question for me personally is a HECK YA! Why? I would love to share this. Matter of fact I can’t wait to share this!
I was reading my bible this morning and it came to me in a whisper, “Amy, today I want you to write about the first R in suRrender.” I am not kidding either and for those who know me well, I have literally asked my bible study friends, “How do you hear God?” I heard Him! Loud and clear I heard Him! In Jeremiah 33:2-3, which is the chapter I am on in my SOLO online devotional group.
Oddly enough my SOLO girls skipped this chapter, which always throws this recovering Catholic into a bit of a tisy, but this morning it did not. It was clearly just God and me. And I want to share how it went down because I still have chills.
The Verse goes like this from The Message:Bible, “This is God’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable, and lasting, known everywhere as God. ‘Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.’ “ Jeremiah 33:2-3~
Pretty powerful verse. The way our study goes is you read the verse then you move to the THINK portion of the study. In the think portion of our study it asked me what word or phrase settled deeply in my soul and why? For me it was, “Call to me and I will answer you”….not only will God answer me he will tell me marvelous and wonderful things that I could never figure out on my own. I sat there in that because it was obvious why the verse stood out. Call to me and I will answer you. Like a child who calls to a parent and the parent comes running. Simple right? This verse is a guarantee that God hears me and will answer me. WRONG! Amy Berry’s mind started reeling….what about all those times of pain and suffering and all the bad that has happened to my family lately God? Why death God? Why cancer in kids or cancer in general? Why Covid? Why racism? Why suppression? Why friends against friends due to political hot topics? Why bad cops? Why bad people? Why God? That is where my mind went……and it was not pretty.
Are you there God? What is happening in this world? Can I rely on you? These are real questions he wants to hear from us. Ask him….he is there for you.
What did I do? Did I get angry? Maybe a little, but I did what anyone should do when there are questions. I dug deeper. I asked more questions. I got to the bottom of Jeremiah and what I learned was powerful for me and I hope it is for you too.
Now I am going to assume most of you are like me and have no clue of the context so I will map it out. If you do, bare with me. I keep things real simple for my simple mind. So Jeremiah was a prophet who back in the day was put in prison or went into hiding quite a bit for preaching about God and about sins and what can happen when we sin. Pain, disappointment, destruction, you know bad stuff. A lot of people thought of him as the weeping prophet, but in reality Jeremiah knew God! He knew God had a plan for us, one that we would prosper with no pain only hope and a beautiful future. Jeremiah was hopeful! He was a believer in God and he thought it was a personal matter and that each person had to take responsibility for their own personal relationship with God. Very much like today, but he preached it to the rooftops and was put in prison or was in hiding for it very unlike today. Jeremiah understood this: Religion must be deep within EACH individuals hearts and lived out in their lives. Not a group of people or a building….religion for Jeremiah was personal.
Good stuff huh….I think so, but it dawned on me. Jeremiah was in prison, alone, very much like I have been lately. Only my prison is not bars. Mine is hopelessness like his, doubtful like his, wondering if God forgot me and my family and I am sure like Jeremiah felt. And…..God visited Jeremiah in a vision just like he did me today in my mind. I just did not get the vision, I got it in a thought and a sense of peace. He promised Jeremiah he would answer and he has promised me. Maybe not how I want but, he knows best. Just like a parent with a teenager who asks to do something and we know what is best. Or a child who wants a toy and we say no because we know they don’t need that. God knows what is best. Do I trust that 100 percent. If I am being honest…..No, I do have a little doubt….that is the control freak in me….but I desperately 100 percent want to trust it. That is a start.
I relate to Jeremiah a lot really. He is alone in a prison and I feel alone a lot lately. He is behind bars watching people have fun, go on with life, some sinning and getting away with it and he is suffering and truly believes in God. If I am being honest I have felt this way since 2017. Even before The Storm hit my family. The closer to God I get the more imprisoned I feel, but yet I also feel this peace I have never had. It is so hard to explain. I see myself stuck in this “New Life” while others get to continue doing what they do. Right, wrong, or indifferent this is just how I feel. Maybe it is because I am growing in areas I needed to grow. I know I wanted to heal from pain, from suffering, from disappointment….Oh Lawd the disappointments! Sometimes it feels like one storm after another hits and I am trying desperately to trust and grow and then BOOM! Just like that a morning like this morning happens and I feel God. I hear God. And I relate to someone from biblical times and I know God has a plan. Do I know what it is? No! Do I know what he is working on for me behind the scenes and do I know in my heart of hearts he will answer me when I cry out. Yes and no!
No I don’t know what is happening behind the scenes, but yes I know he wants me to call on him. I know he is RELIABLE and if I SuRrender to him and obey he has a beautiful plan for me and for my family. A plan to prosper me and my family, not harm us, and a plan to give us hope and a future.
This morning God came to me! And I have hope!!!!! Do you? He is RELIABLE! AND YOU ARE WORTHY OF HIS LOVE AND FUTURE HE HAS IN STORE FOR YOU. Do you believe that?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
I See You
It’s Saturday, May 30, 2020 and my heart is heavy. As I sit here and type I have so many emotions. What is happening in the world? Tornadoes, fires, earthquakes, terrorism, pandemics, and now hatred and riots. Do I blame the people rioting? No. Not one minute do I blame them. Am I at a loss of what to do? Yes. I know how I feel, but I don’t know how my black brothers and sisters feel and I never will. Why? Because I am a white privileged girl who was born into a comfortable white family who lived in a sleepy quiet town of mainly white people. True story. Does this make Graham, Texas bad? No, it just is where I was born. I graduated with two black girls. Stacey and Tamitha. They were my friends, but did I ever take the time to talk to them about being black? No. Why not? I don’t really know. When I was growing up I truly didn’t think about it, but now that I am writing it I never went to their homes and I only remember Stacey coming to mine maybe twice. One time for sure. Now that I am taking the time to think about this I am sad about that. I can’t change the past, but I am sad about that.
Did I see black? Yes. Of course I did. If you say you don’t see color you are just fooling yourself. Hell, you see when I spray tan because you tell me about it! So you can see black. Just saying…..
When did I start seeing color? I honestly cannot answer that. I do think there is some truth to the saying, “kids don’t see color”, but I think it should be, “kids see color and they don’t care because they see a human being.” Case in point. I will never forget when Graeme got in the car after his first day of pre-school and said, “Mom I have a friend with clown hair!” I was like what on earth does he mean? As the days went on and I got to know the little kids in his classroom it turned out his new little friend had red hair! Kids see color is the point! It’s what we as parents teach our kids that will make the difference. Because change must happen. And if you are a parent you are in the perfect place to be a part of the change! How? Talk to your kids!
Our kids, especially our white kids, need to learn that discrimination is real and it is wrong. It is something that most of our kids will not feel, as a white kid. We as parents need to teach our kids to stand up for their friends. Teach them to speak up for their friends. Teach them love. If we start teaching our young ones, who are the future, to stand up, speak up, and fight for their black friends, then I bet their other friends who are not as lucky to be raised in a home that teaches love will begin to follow.
What else can we do? Well, my dear friend Dresha wrote something that I think is perfect. I am going to share it with you.
I want you to do more than love me...
I want you to be comfortable enough to call out racism the same way you’re comfortable with watching your friends spew it.
I want you to be more than willing to get out there on these streets and protest with those who are trying to make a bold statement instead of reposting Dr. King quotes.
I want you to stop playing it safe by choosing to say nothing, afraid to inconvenience yourself out of fear of losing your job or your social status.
I want you to do more than pray. Start taking action because we both know that bible says faith without works is dead.
I want you to be more than heartbroken and sad for me. Be so moved that you do more than “like” the comments being shared among black people in your social circles. Be our voice in your communities.
Do more than send us private messages expressing sadness — say that ish out loud so your peers can see it, stop hiding.
Be willing to get uncomfortable by having conversations with your racist family members. Stop shying away from the conversations because it’s convenient for you to do so.
I want you to stop complaining about the riots and start caring about the injustice. The riots are the direct result of our peaceful protests going unheard.
& most of all, be present. Don’t wait until it’s trendy to speak up, be ready to ride for us even when it’s not.
& lastly, don’t be fickle by popping in out as you please. Keep that same energy up until we can be black in peace.
So Dresha, Stacey, Tamitha, and all my black friends….I don’t know what it is like to be you, but I see you, I see your beautiful black beauty, and I stand with you.
Will you stand with me beside my black brothers and sisters….because I got news for you….if you are a Christian, they are your brother and sister in Christ…..Jesus stands with them…..So do I…..Do you?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
You Are Not Alone
Today I wanted to take a moment and open myself up a little to you all on a subject that is near and dear to my heart and is very personal. Personal because it involves me. Personal because I have not shared this publicly before and I figure I am almost 50 what do I have to lose and it might even save someone else’s life. Who knows…..but, if it does it will be because God gave me the courage to share. God gave me the strength to share. And God showed me time and time again He loves me so why not share!
Do you ever feel angry and you just don’t know why? Maybe you are just exhausted and you don’t know why? Maybe you are sad and you just don’t know why. For me it is anger, irritability, and a feeling of is this it? What is this I am talking about? It is depression. I suffer from depression, but I like to think of myself as in remission.
My story starts back in high school, which I have shared before. I was 16 when I came home one day and told my mom I was angry, sad, and was not for sure what the point to life was. I remember crying my eyes out and I remember she got me in the car right then and there and took me to the clinic and let them know we had an emergency and I had to be seen. I remember Dr. Nesbit was so gracious and saw us and I just cried. He told my mom he thought I had depression and he would like to medicate me with Tofranil. I remember this day like it was yesterday. My mom was amazing and agreed to the medicine, which back in the 80’s carried a huge stigma.
I did pretty good on my medicine until I graduated college. At this point I decided I was good and did not need the medicine or counseling anymore. First thing I did was stop taking my medicine cold turkey. BIG MISTAKE! HUGE! It was November of 1994 and I remember it like it was yesterday! Ginger and I went to a TCU football game about a week after I stopped my medicine and when we got back from the game my dad was very angry with me about something. Whatever it was must not have been a big deal because for the life of me I cannot remember what it was. But, I do remember him yelling at me in front of Trey and his friend. It upset me so bad I went into my bathroom, grabbed my anti depressant, took a handful of them, walked back out to the living and yelled, “I just took a handful of my medicine! Do you love me enough to save me!”
Of course my father did! He rushed me to the hospital where I got my stomach pumped and I began intense counseling. It was in counseling that I learned a lot about depression and myself. The biggest lesson I learned was my anger, combined with my sadness, found ways to convince me that I was a terrible person, that nobody would love. So, what did I do? I would test it by acting out, lying, or worse, threatening my life.
Why am I sharing this now? Well for starters it is Mental Health Awareness Month and I am not going to be quiet anymore. Why? A lot of reasons really, but the biggest one is I have three amazing boys who need to know that there is no shame in mental illness. It is just that. An illness. No different than diabetes where you need your insulin everyday. It is just that. An illness of the brain. I have three boys who have a strong lineage of mental illness and I don’t want them to ever feel they are alone. IF God forbid they have been “blessed” with the illness I need them to know ME TOO and I am OK. I have three boys who I love dearly and I want them to know that getting help is not a sign of weakness, on the contrary it is a sign of courage. My boys are the reason I am sharing now. My three beautiful boys!!!!!
I want them to know and you to know that there is no shame in mental illness and there is no shame in talking about it either. None. Matter of fact, I would argue that the shame lies with a person who believes there is shame in mental illness. I would argue they are a coward and hiding from something. Maybe it is not mental illness, but it is something they are hiding from. I would argue from the rooftops than anyone with mental illness who does not hide behind it is more courageous than anyone who makes fun of them for the illness. And lastly, I would argue mental illness is not a personal failure and looks different on everyone.
So if you are reading this and you suffer from mental illness of any kind I first want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! ME TOO!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Expectation of the Female
Have you ever sat and wondered why females are so hard on themselves? I don’t mean to leave men out because I firmly believe they have a whole other mindset with expectations, but simply put I am a female. So I kind of relate more to the female species, if you know what I mean. So if you are a male and you are reading this, my first gut reaction is, “Forgive me, I don’t mean to leave you out, I just don’t understand your kind.” ~Oddly enough last week my coach had me take the Clifton Strengths Finder test and one of my top 5 strengths is inclusion. So guys, leaving you out is killing me, but maybe you can learn more about the female mind by reading and maybe just maybe it will help you in your relationships with the females in your life.
Back to my topic. Why do females put so many expectations on themselves. I have been wondering this lately because I firmly believe we lose ourselves because of it. Why do I believe this? Well, I LOST MYSELF! And I am finding myself again and it is so amazing, but I don’t think others have to go through the stages of being lost, because trust me it is hard to get out of…..possible, but work, work I have done and I am hoping through my lessons I can save a few of you from the same mistakes I have made.
When we lose ourselves we fall into a rabbit hole. These holes can be in the form of people pleasing, shame, guilt, or I am not enough….. to name a few as I am sure there are MANY MORE! Point is we as women, whether we are parents, single, teens, adults, whatever we are tend to end up in one of these holes.
Why is this? Have you ever been in one of these holes? Hell I have been in all of them at the same time and it is no fun! I am trying to figure out why this happens. What is missing to make this happen?
I think back to childhood and I had a great one! I was born and raised in the small North Texas town of Graham, Texas, now known as Graham, America. When I was growing up, it was a sleepy oil and gas town. It was like what you see in the movies. At least from my memories. BUT, I will say that I was very aware of whose mom worked and whose did not. Whose mom got to play golf all day like mine and whose did not. I was not aware in a negative way either. It just was an awareness. There was never any stigma or anything like that. But, I distinctly remember being in high school and watching my sister become a bad ass business woman. I remember thinking, “Man that is glamorous! I want to be that if I don’t make it onto the set of Days of Our Lives or one of Michael Jackson’s backup dancers!” True story there folks. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to stay home and clean and cook while my husband gets to be a part of the world like my mom and I darn sure don’t want to be a school teacher….I hate school.” You see in Graham, in my small town mind you were either a teacher or a stay at home mom…. and I am not saying my mom did not enjoy it because honestly looking back she had a great life. For her! Was she happy? Was she fulfilled? ? I don’t know, she has passed now so I can’t ask her, but I think so. However, I think it took a while for that to happen and I think there might have been some sadness while she was finding herself and her way. This is just my opinion. I think she had to find her way and her way was serving.
My mom loved to serve. Whether she was teaching kids to golf, cooking for us or some other family, or organizing something for the church, my mom had a servants heart. Would my mom enjoy being a business woman? NO! Money did not matter to her. Things did not matter to her, unless it was a new gold club! Would she have loved to run a non profit? I FIRMLY BELIEVE YES! That was who she was! She was also my mom, Paul’s mom, and Robin and Chuck’s mom, and she did that job amazingly!
Why do I tell you all of this? Because, I am stumped as to why women, including myself who was raised by a strong, loving woman, still get wrapped around the axle with expectations and comparisons! And it starts at such a young age….it starts with the simple, “I want to be part of the popular crowd.” What the hell is that? I hate that damn word! POPULAR!
I looked it up. Popular by definition is suitable to the majority! So if that is the case who is the majority? And why are they the majority? Because they have the bigger house? They have a cool car? They wear expensive clothes? You see what is happening here….comparison….which as we all know is the thief of joy. So this little thief starts at such a young age.
How can we educate our young females early on that there will ALWAYS be someone with a bigger house, a cooler car, a better sense of style, skinnier, prettier skin, better hair, cooler dog, cuter partner, better job, more flexible, stronger, more athletic, better voice, better talent, better grades, better college education, better kids, better life, more money, more fun, more friends, more likes, more followers, more opportunity…..YOU GET THE PICTURE…..SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS HAVE BETTER AND OR MORE! It just will always be this way!
So what do we do about it? Well I am on a mission and I would love for you to join me! My mission is Worthy Heart and the simple fact that everyone is worthy of love. Everyone and every females is enough in their own being. How am I going to do this? Well, it will start here. It will start with the simple mission of teaching women of all ages you have to take care of yourself and love yourself in order to do the same with the humans in your life. How do we do that? We start with the acronym GOO!
GOO
Loving God
Loving Ourselves
Loving Others
We have to know God and have a relationship with God in order to realize how perfect we are, you are, I am. I am a child of God. You are a child of God. We are children of God. Whether you are Christian or not, you are enough and you are loved! We are perfect however we are made. God makes ZERO mistakes! And God loves you and God loves me! Once we truly believe this and start our spiritual journey we will soon start to believe who we are in enough! NO matter who we choose to be and what we choose to do we are enough!!!! Once we grasp this we can love ourselves and then others fully and beautifully in our wonderfully made selves!!!!!
So if you are a female I would love for you to share this. If you know a female raising females I would love for you to share this! If you know a female I would love for you to share this! The more we share this the more movement we will get! And I want to start a movement! Do you want to join me?
Until Next Time,
XO,
AMY
PS….remember YOU ARE ENOUGH! And YOU ARE WORTHY!
Friday Faves!
It is that time of the week! It’s my Friday Faves!
This week I wanted to share three Podcast that I am currently crushing on! All three are a little different, but do the same thing…they help me grow as a human intellectually, spiritually, and in my relationships with those I love.
So if you are a self help junkie, if you find yourself a little lost, or if you just want to create a more loving environment with someone you love, take a look and maybe one or all of these podcast will fancy your soul like they do mine!
First up is the 6 Figure Influencer Podcast. My girl Allie Reeves is your girl if you are wanting to build your influence and your income on line with ease and actually have a good time doing it. Allie is a wife, a mom, entrepreneur, creator, and coach! And a damn good coach I might add! I know first hand! So if you are ready to let go of the excuses and start showing up as the woman you are meant to be, Allie’s podcast is just for YOU!!!!!
Another Podcast I have really been into is Jennie Allen’s Made for This. I first discovered Jennie Allen in a bible study with some of my friends here in Dallas and low and behold not only does Jennie live in Dallas, Jennie and I live in the same neighborhood and actually have kids the same age. Do I know Jennie? Not personally, but after doing her bible study Restless with my girls and Stuck on my own, I discovered her podcast and I have never looked back. Why? Because she is authentic and she is real and she hits on everything I was thinking before I did the first study with my turtle tribe (inside joke there for my girls). If you find yourself asking: How do I find my people? Why do I feel so alone? How do I deal with comparison? How do I handle conflict? And so many more, then I want to challenge you to take a listen. See what you think for yourself, but warning….you too might find yourself hooked and all the better for it!
Lastly is my girl Rachael Bedell with Slice Up Your Life! Why do I love Rachael? Well because she is real, she is raw, she is funny, she loves food, AND she is finding her way in her new walk with Christ, but most importantly she is my friend and my sister in Christ! Which brings me to my favorite thing about Rachael’s podcast…She is new to her faith walk and she is so innocent about it, so honest about it, and she is so interested in finding out how people came to their faith. I love how this curiosity of hers is actually growing her faith and you hear it stretching each new episode and it is so awesome to witness. It is actually a beautiful thing to hear, especially if you are new in your faith walk or ever feel like I do….like you have so far to go…. If you give each show a chance you will find that each story has some nugget you can walk away. Whether it is a story of loss, a story of starting a non profit, a story of whatever, if you really listen you find something in common with every story that helps you not feel alone in the world or inspires you to be more, and you learn the beautiful lesson of ….we all come to our relationship with God right on time. God’s time! So take a listen, see what you think, and if you enjoy it subscribe! Together let’s help Rachael grow in this beautiful journey!
So there you have it folks! Amy’s Friday Faves…..What podcast do you love? Let me know!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Telling God What I Think
This morning in my SOLO bible study, my live out portion of the study was to write a letter to God.The instructions say I am to write a letter to God telling Him what I think about Him and how He is operating in the world. It told me to include the good, the bad, and the ugly….to be thoughtful and honest and even raw if I need to be.
Is that odd or is that God that this would be my assignment at such a time in our history? Makes you think…….
Dear God,
Today’s live out assignment is to write you a letter. A letter of honesty about my feelings towards you and how I feel you are operating in the world today. This is a pretty big assignment if you ask me. The truth is I feel love from you. That part is pretty easy.
I am lucky to have been raised by two very holy people who taught me that God loved me. As I have gotten up there in years it has become very apparent to me that some of my friends and acquaintances were raised thinking you were a punishing God. A God of abuse of sorts. When I hear this, it breaks my heart for them. The most punishment I ever felt from you was when my family would go to Church when all the visiting priest came to town and we would go to confession. I remember I would go to a priest that I thought did not know our family well and I would confess all my sins. Of course I was only in my tweens and teens and it was before I discovered sex, drugs, and rock and roll, so my sins consisted of not honoring my mom and dad, fighting with my brother, lying to a friend, cheating on something, and there may have been a wreck or two in my parents cars that I lied about and seriously got away with! That could be part of the reason my nick name was CRASH! The worst punishment I received was 10 Hail Mary’s! That’s it! And I was free and clear. It was easy. Go behind the curtain, tell of your wrongs, listen to the man behind the curtain tell you, you are are a child of God, He came to forgive you, and go say X amount of Hail Mary’s. Easy peasy right! Until I got a little more mature.
Once I got a little older in my teens and my brain started developing, the truth is I started lying in the confessionals. Not lying really, just withholding information if you will. Why? Probably out of shame or laziness because in my mind if you REALLY knew (I obviously had not grasped that you are an all knowing God), what I had done I would be sitting in that pew for hours doing Hail Mary’s because you would have been disgusted with me. So I just withheld the information.
I think what happens when we withhold from you, it digs a black hole of shame in our hearts. I think your enemy, Satan, loves that! I wish I would have just let it out all those years ago because I think what happens when we start digging that hole, we keep digging. Until it is pierced all the way through and hollow. Some of us are lucky enough to meet someone, or find a group of people, or a book, that helps us to slowly fill the hole. I was one of the lucky ones. I am filling my holes, but I have plenty of friends and people I know and love who still hide behind that shame. It breaks my heart God. I wish they could feel the love I feel from you even knowing I am stained, torn, ripped, dirty, and plain worn out in some sinful areas. I know that you love me regardless and with all of that sin. I know that you sent your son for me and the world so that we would be forgiven. Once I grasped that, like really grasped it, I realized that yes, I will still sin, but I am more aware and I try much harder to go against the grain of the world and to live like Jesus. Which quite frankly can be boring, no fun, and A LOT harder. BUT, you are also showing me how it is more rewarding, peaceful, and full of JOY, LOVE, WARMTH, PEACE, COMPASSION, COMFORT, WISDOM, and A LOT less fear than others.
Now, am I saying I am rid of fear or sin? Heck no God! I still have it and speaking of fear, what in the world are you doing in the world today? Is this a flood like Noah, or are we in the dessert, or is this a plague, a sign? I mean there have been tornadoes, hurricanes, fires, now this virus? What is happening? Are you trying to get the worlds attention? LAWD knows you got mine! And I am like, “What the hell is happening?” I remember telling Trey one day on a walk, “If this is it can Jesus just rise us up already so we don’t have to hear all the grumbling among neighbors, the death among loved ones, the fighting among political parties, the conspiracy theories, and the fears in our children’s voices, and in our hearts and minds?” It is really scary God.
I personally , me Amy Berry, feel like we are having to choose who to sacrifice. Open up the economy and we sacrifice elders and those with autoimmune and whoever this virus attacks, but has no rhyme or reason to attack, it just does and they die. Keep the economy closed and we lose people to mental health and addiction because they can’t feed their families or make rent and they are scared and feel worthless so they shrivel up and die. Whether intentionally through suicide or unintentionally through hunger, addiction, or stress. This is how I feel? We need a miracle. Whether it is a drug to fight the virus, or a vaccine to prevent the virus, or quite frankly the truth about the virus….which honestly I don’t know if anyone really knows besides YOU! Point is I am scared for my boys, my family, my friends, and myself. I honestly want life to go back to how it was before the virus. And God you and I both know my life was not peaches. My family was still in a pickle, but truth is I was O K with it just being my family in the pickle. Now it is the world. And sometimes I get scared.
I know I need to let go and SURRENDER! I know this! I have been working on this with my own family! Surrendering and realizing I am powerless. I am powerless over addiction, mental health, teenagers, others beliefs, how they live, and now this virus. I realize that my mind becomes unmanageable with this virus A LOT! Especially when I turn on the news or go to my neighborhood chatter on facebook. I end up in this rabbit hole that I have a hard time coming out of it. I let all the negative energy suck out my goodness. I NEED TO SURRENDER this virus, other’s opinions, and the media to you! You can restore me to sanity when I do this!!!! You do EVERY STINKING TIME! When I finally raise my hands up and say, “I SURRENDER!” And truly do it, the warmth that over comes me is unreal. It is in those moments that I turn it over to you and let go and let you! It is in the moments where I feel peace. Like right now writing this letter. Oh man what peace this has brought me. You have us, don’t you God? You know what our future is and you know we will get through this. You hear our every cry and you will answer us. Sometimes not how we like, but if I am being honest and I am, every answer you have given me, whether it was what I wanted or not has turned out beautifully. The only ones I don’t like are the ones that involve death. Death scares me. And I hate not being with those that have gone before me, but I have zero interest as you know in joining them at this time. I am just letting you know death in one area I still don’t get. I know, someday I will, but let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR….I really don’t want that someday anytime soon….I got dreams and desires…course you know that and that will be for another letter another day. Until then, thank you for bringing me full circle. Thank you for reminding me in this letter and in this exercise how you know! You are in control. The only thing I am in control of is me and the rest I GET to surrender to you and you will carry it. Thank you for that God! I love you dearly!
IWALY!
Amy
PS…..if you took the time to read my letter to God, first off thank you and secondly might I challenge you in doing this same exercise. I would love to know if you do and how you felt afterwards. I feel GREAT!!!!!!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
This is my daily devotional and there is an online community of about 1900 plus of us! We would love for you to join! You can start from the beginning as they are all recorded or you can pick right where they are at….believe it or not I am a little behind….but it is way o.k.! I still get so much from it and would love for you to join! Message me if you are interested! XO, Amy
His Love is an Unlimited Love
What would it really mean to have someone love you unlimitedly? That is not even a word, but today, I, Amy Berry, deem it a word! And let me tell ya, my Aunt Eleanor is rolling around in her grave and my English teacher, Mrs. Morris, is cringing as she reads this, but hey….I am making a point here. God loves me even in my imperfections, transgressions, misgivings, and misspellings! Ha~
I really crack myself up sometimes. Back to my point. My point here is God! God loves you with an unlimited amount of love. Do you know that? I really don’t think I did until later in life. Like really later. Like (again Aunt Elanor is rolling and Mrs. Morris is cringing with all these likes!) but, like 2017-2018ish and I was born in 1970! So you do the math! A LOT LATER IN LIFE!
Do you know, really know, that God’s Love is unlimited. It has no bounds. It will exceed your every expectation! Do you know this? Do you believe this? I did not and I tested Him and I will challenge you now to test Him. Trust me He can handle it and He welcomes it! Don’t believe me? Then do it!
How you might be asking yourself. Well, in 2017 when I was really down in the dumps and questioning God and His existence, my mother in law got me a “God Box”. A God Box can be any kind of box. This one was just a cardboard box and she told me to put all my pain, all my frustrations, all my fears, all my trials, all my questions, anything that was bringing me worry, fear, or doubt, on a piece of paper, date it, and throw it in the box. I did it. She also told me to pray over it. I did not do that because I was really angry with God at that time in my life. Guess what that is OK if you are too! But, if you are further along in your walk then I was, I will challenge you to pray over the box every time you place something in it.
The point in this part of the exercise is you are outwardly saying, “God, I sUrrender, (there is that word of mine for 2020 and that U is capitalized for a reason! U is for Unlimited Love of God), I give this to you Lord, it is yours, do with it what You will. I trust that You love me beyond anything I can imagine and You will bless this or something better will happen. This will resolve how You see fit. THY WILL BE DONE.” And just like that you let it go.
I know, it is not that simple, but doing this exercise is a tiny step in letting it go, surrendering to our Father, and trusting that His will will be done. Again, don’t believe me, try it. You will find that slowly, but surely as you surrender whatever it is to Him, He will prove to you over, and over, and over again how His love has no bounds!
As time goes on and the dust settles on your fears, worries, doubts, situations, take a look in your box and pull out a piece of paper or two. Look at the date. My gut tells me you will see that whatever it was is handled, maybe not how you thought, but everything is OK and if it is not, more than likely it is better and your faith becomes firmer in understanding how truly amazing God’s love is for you .
So today as I think about my word for 2020 and how I have broken it down I will celebrate how great and UNLIMITED our Heavenly Father’s love is for you and for me! You my dear friend are worthy of His love! Even in our unlovable moments We are Worthy and His Love is UNLIMITED!!!!!!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
That Time Again
Dear Mom,
Here we go again….another Mother’s Day without you. If I am being honest it gets easier, but I still need you and I still miss you like crazy. However, I am learning that the saying I hate the most….you know the one…."time heals all wounds”, well that stupid saying is true. There! I have admitted it.
All those years you told me when my heart hurt, “Amy, these things take time, time will heal your heart, time heals.” I wanted to chunk something at you, but instead I rolled my eyes. Well I guess the joke is on me. You can roll those beautiful blue eyes at me Mom. I deserve it!
Why? Because, you might be the biggest wound I have ever experienced, along with Baby Berry, but again if I am being honest, I think your wound is bigger. You were my best friend. You were my mother. You carried me for nine months, then you picked me up whenever I needed it for 46 years! You were my biggest fan and you were my biggest confidante. You showed me what true faith is. You showed me what true forgiveness does. You showed me what it was to be loyal and to serve others. You showed me that winning feels like everything, but it is not. Even when you lose if you celebrate with the winner you win! You showed me how to cook, how to care for my family, and how to be a friend. And now you are gone.
But, the wound is healing nicely. I am learning to find you in different ways. I am learning to find you in the quiet of the morning when I spend time with God. I am learning to find you on my walks with Trey. I am learning to find you while I cook and while I clean. I see you in my boys eyes. I feel you in my heart. I know you are here. I just know it. And times when I am really needing you…..well at those times I buy hydrangeas! Your favorite! And I find that peace again. I keep your rosary by my bed and your cross from your casket in my front room. I know, morbid, but hey, it brings me comfort!!!!! So if that is what it takes to close the wound, than so be it.
I still have not gone back to Graham. I just can’t. I imagine myself at home with you and knowing you are not there breaks me, but I will get there someday.
People might wonder why I still write to you. I feel for them because to me that says they did not have a mom like I did. I don’t ever want to forget you. Your red hair. Your beautiful blue eyes. Your pink lipstick. Your funky arthritic hands that worked so hard for us, your cute little pinky toe, your Jersey accent, and your spunky fiery way! That is why I keep writing to you! And because of the relationship we had. You were my mom and I was your Amy. I miss you so mom! I love you so!
Happy Mother’s Day to the BEST Mom EVER! Thank you for loving me, protecting me, providing for me, and believing in me!
All my love,
Amy
Friday Faves!!!!!
Welcome to my Friday Faves!
Every so often on Friday I will come on here and share with you some of my new favorite things! Whether it is a thing, a place, (which we will not have any of that during covid), or a person. I will come on here and share! In return if you have something or someone I should be listening to, reading or trying please tell me! I love to find new things! Especially if they are a good deal!!!!!!
This Friday I would like to share some things I have found on Amazon that I am in love with! And I think you will love them too!
This book is EVERYTHING and then some! If you are ready to stop making excuses on why you can’t lose weight, get out of debt, be a better mentor, be a better leader, do whatever it is you have been wanting to do, but just can’t seem to move forward….then this book is for you! Click buy now and thank me later!
I swear by this oil! I put in on my face at night once I have completed all my steps and I leave it! It smells so good and my skin, oh my skin is in better shape than it ever has been! If your skin feels dehydrated I promise this is amazing stuff! It will help restore radiance, tone, and bring your face back to life!
My neighbor Kristy was wearing this dress and I was like I have to have that! She sent me the link and I ordered it and I am so happy! Call it a moo moo….I DON’T CARE! It is so comfy! Perfect for summer nights. Perfect for a cover up. Perfect for around the house or going shopping! And it is so boho chic it is nuts and the price is RIGHT! Need I say more? Thank you Kristy for the link and for sharing!!!!!
OK covid has taught me to go with the flow LITERALLY! With all the pollen in the air I am still washing my hair ALOT! Which is not normal for me, but at this time of year I have to! Normally I blow it out and fix it because I am going out in public. GUESS WHAT! I don’t have to anymore! This stuff is AMAZEBALLS! I don’t have to dry my hair! Is it perfect like I went to the Dry Bar? No! But it does the job and I actually look, “messy, sexy!” Trey’s words! Not mine! So if you want something that helps your hair dry without the heat and it looks good, try this! It works!!!!!
AND DRUM ROLL PLEASE! Those of yall who really know me….like really know me….You know I go to Palm Beach Tan EVERY week, sometimes twice a week, to get a spray tan. I am addicted and it is my vice, that and my potty mouth! I digress! Point is, some of you have literally commented in my story’s about how tan I still am. Well, here is my secret! NuSkin! I found it through my friend Sandra and I could not be happier! It is amazing! It does not stink! It looks natural! And the price is right! So if you want to get that natural glow without going to a place, lord knows I am not going anytime soon because I am in the camp of caution is best for me, than this is it! If you want some you can contact Sandra a couple of ways:
You can text her at: 214-649-6483
Private Message her on facebook at Sandra Morgan
Instagram @sandramorganyouth
Tell her I sent ya!!!!!!
So there are some of my faves as of late! What faves have you discovered in this awkward time of life?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Choo Choo! It's All About YOU!
Dear Graeme!
Today is your day! Happy Birthday to our Caboose! I can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without you! You bring our entire family so much love, joy, and FUN! Boy do you bring the fun! You are always doing something to make us laugh!
Sweet “Kulla” (Kayla) and my boys…..
Can you believe that nine years ago today God gave us you? I remember it like it was yesterday and I remember thinking what a miracle you were! You know if it was not for Baby Berry in heaven, I am not sure I would have had you. Have you ever thought about that? That honestly might be a little more than your nine year old brain can wrap its head around, but I swear I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and God knew we needed you. I also believe God has BIG plans for you! I can’t wait to see what they are!
You bring us so much joy and laughter!!!!!
Maybe you will be a famous soccer player, maybe you will be a doctor, maybe you will be a pilot, maybe you will be a business man with a business plan, maybe you will be an inventor……The point is Graeme Berry, you can be whatever you want to be because you are you and you are so unique, so smart, and so amazing! And I am so grateful God gave us YOU!
I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you!
So as you celebrate your day today, even though you cannot celebrate with your friends, know that this day is so very special to me and to daddy because this is the day we got the best gift of all! We got our Caboose! And what a ride it has been these last nine years with you, our special baby boy!!!! WE LOVE YOU SO!!!!!
Last year….we will be able to do this again soon buddy! I promise!!!!!!
Happy Birthday!
XO,
Mom and Dad…and your big brothers too!!!!!
Are You Seeking Him in the Stillness
Last week I broke down my word for 2020 with you all. If you missed that you can catch that here. The word for 2020 is actually two words, Surrender and Obey. Something I firmly believe God is trying to teach all of us in this unknown time. But, in order to Surrender and Obey Him we have to know Him. Do you know Him? I know who God is, but do I really know Him?
I have been digging deeper and truly seeking Him out. Something I can say I personally think is missing in this world today. We are all so busy and self absorbed that we really don’t have time to seek God and get to know Him. Before Covid, when was the last time you tried to have a REAL relationship with God. Not a, I know who God is relationship, but a I KNOW WHO GOD is relationship.
For me personally it was in 2016 when my Mom was dying, but if I am being honest, before then it was kind of on my own terms or when I felt like it. That is just me being honest. If I am being TRULY honest, the hard truth is that I just relied on the fact that I knew who God was and I got my check in the box every Sunday when I so triumphantly got my family to church. Like I should get a pat on the back or something because I was so good.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that I was getting my rear end to church because those seeds were being planted, but I had yet to bring the water to the seed if you know what I mean. It took me losing my mom for me to really hit my knees and cry out. I am a little hard headed and very self absorbed….or at least I was.
Hard times will make you look inward and in the mirror. I did not like what I was seeing. I did not like the rat race I was in of constantly trying to fit in, keep up, perform, look good, and oh the family too…..they had to look good, fit in, perform, and keep up. If all that happened then it would be serendipity and everything would be hunky dory fine! WRONG! I was miserable. Truly miserable, unless of course I was 3 glasses of wine in and losey goosey! But as my Dad always said, “lose lips sink ships.” And he was right!
Looking back I realize now why life was so hard and exhausting. Because God was missing. I mean He was there. He always has been, I just was not desperately looking for Him.
What does it mean to really seek Him? I think it is kind of like this memory I have of when I was a kid. My parents took Paul and I to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus in Dallas. It was intermission and my father took Paul and I to get a souvenir. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted. I wanted the stuffed elephant so we got mine first then we went on a mission looking for Paul a light up something or other. I remember I was petting my little elephant and I looked up and all I could see was people and not just people but STRANGERS! STRANGER DANGER! I did not see my dad anywhere! I remember freaking out and screaming and the next thing I knew I was up in a police officers arms and I was shaking and sobbing. He helped me find my Dad, but I remember I was desperately looking through all the people. All my energy and strength went into finding him. When we did finally find him, I remember the peace that overcame me. I felt so safe and so secure and I had never been so happy to see him. It was in that moment that I first realized my father would always be there for me. A safe place, a loving place, a place where I could gain wisdom and strength. That is what God is for all of us and that is what God wants from us now. He wants us desperately seeking Him out in the crowds and business of the world and the circus it has become.
We are all in the perfect time and space to get to know God more and ourselves to be truly honest. I believe it could be a gift from our heavenly Father. The gift of time. The gift of intermission from the circus. The souvenir is to be still and get to know Him. It is in this stillness that you will find unexplainable peace, unexplainable rest, and unexplainable strength. How do I know this? Because I have been living under His wings since 2018 in some pretty scary times and the strength, peace, and love I have received is something I will never be able to explain other than it has come from God Himself. You have heard the saying, “The peace that passes understanding,” that is the peace I have, but I have it because I seek him daily. And trust me when I say this, the days I do not get my quiet time in, they sometimes can be a little rockier. True story.
So during these times I want to challenge you to get up 15 minutes earlier than you normally do, take some time with our Father in heaven. Get to know Him. Talk to Him. He loves that. I know He does. If you need help I have some books that have helped me along the way and if you want a tribe you can join my Solo group. Message me, but honestly, just spending the first 15 minutes of your day with God talking to Him will produce miracles. Don’t believe me? I dare you to try it for 30 days. Do you accept the dare?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Put a Fork in 2020!
So we are almost 5 months into 2020 and I don’t know about you all, but I DO NOT want a do over….I just want 2021 to get here. Put a fork in 2020! SHE DONE!
I WISH! And we all know that is just not possible, so I find myself doing what I said this year I would do. Surrendering. Isn’t it funny that my word for 2020 was Surrender and Obey and here I am. Throwing my hands up in the air! I gotta remind myself next year to be VERY CAREFUL and CAUTIOUS when I pick my word because this is nuts.
But is it? Is it nuts or is it a blessing I chose Surrender and Obey? I think it is a blessing and now I am going to really dig in deep and break my word down. Maybe it will help you and I know it will help me. So I will do what I do best. I will break each letter up until I can truly embrace the word and be in it.
S-s stands for Seek Him
U-u is for unlimited! His love is unlimited.
R-r is for reliable. His love is reliable.
R-r is for real. God is real and His love is real.
E-e is for enough. I am enough.
N-n is for need. I need Him.
D-d is for desire. I need to desire Him.
E-e if for expect! Be expectant in God. Not afraid.
R-r is for radiate. I need to radiate His love to the world.
O-o is for overflow.
B-b is for bless. Be a blessing to others.
E-e is for example. Be an example.
Y-y is for yes! Say yes to God.
So while we sit at home, why don’t we all SEEK Him more. God’s love is so great for us. It has no limits….it is UNLIMITED and trust me when I say this; God is RELIABLE. You can count on Him. His love is REAL! I know it is hard to believe this especially when you cannot see Him, but His love is REAL. He loves you! And in God we are ENOUGH. I am ENOUGH in Him and so are you! The world NEEDS Him. Do you NEED Him? I NEED Him and I DESIRE Him. I truly DESIRE a relationship with Him. Why? Because I EXPECT a miracle from Him. I am not afraid. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to RADIATE His love! I want to be OVERFLOWING in my faith and my walk so I can be a BLESSING and an EXAMPLE to others because I say YES to God daily. YES to surrendering to Him and obeying Him. Won’t you join me?
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
What Is In Your Fist
What is in my fist? I ask myself this daily….what am I holding on to? What am I clenching? What am I white knuckling? For me it is my kids, but lately it has felt like life. The pandemic has me all over the place with my emotions. One minute I am so thankful and grateful for it because we are getting all this quiet, slow, family time…. and the next I am terrified for my family and myself. I find my thoughts going to very dark places…places of no return if I let myself go so deep. Then what do I do? I turn to my pillow, or to shopping online for stuff I don’t need, stuff I think will make me happy, or I turn to a glass of wine, or gossip, or lashing out….It is so unhealthy. So today I took pen to paper and here is what I came up with while doing a little exercise.
I grabbed a dollar bill. I gripped it like no other dollar bill ever. I closed my eyes, squeezed my hand over that dollar bill, my knuckles turned colors, my fingernails started making indention’s in my hand, my fist got tired and achy, I had to turn my head away and squeeze harder, I bounced my hand trying to get rid of the exhaustion, and I finally gave up and released it and the dollar fell to the ground. I imagined Satan laughing the entire time the dollar fell. Because that is what happens when we try to white knuckle anything in life…..We finally get exhausted and it crashes and Satan laughs.
Think about it. What are you white knuckling. Is it the almighty dollar? If so what is falling to the ground while you are clenching it? Your kids, your wife, your relationships? Maybe it is your health because you are so tired because you keep working for more money. Question: have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t take it with you and you can’t send it ahead.” What is suffering because money or things are your God?
Maybe it is your kid. Are you clenching so hard to what YOU THINK their future should be that you are missing all the gifts God has blessed them with? I did that with my middle son. You can read about that here. I was so convinced he was “Suppose” to be an athlete that I almost missed out on the amazing gift of his talent.
Maybe it is your friends. Are you holding on so tight to them for fear of missing out? Who is suffering while you do this? Your spouse, your child, your parent….your self. Are you neglecting who you are just so you can be included? How is that working out for your heart?
I don’t know what it is for you only you do, but I would challenge you in the exercise I did. Write down what it is you are holding in your fist. Then write down what would happen if you released it. My hunch is God will catch it and you. God will decided what you need and guide you to it. IF YOU GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. When we trust God, and truly let go, it is then that our hands become free. Free to love. Free to serve. Free to worship. Free to be held by our Heavenly Father.
When we are holding hands with God miracles happen. When we release whatever it is we are holding onto and truly let go you might be surprised at the peace you will feel. You might be surprised that you actually have missed your loved ones. You might be surprised at how tired of the rat race you are. You might be surprised that your kiddo has some seriously amazing gift you never even knew possible. You might be surprised your friends will still love you even though you can’t be there always. You might be surprised at just opening your fist just in the slightest a miracle might happen. So open up that fist. Let Go. Let God.
What are you holding onto that you can release to God.
Is it the state of the world and this pandemic? Release it. Give it to God because what can you do about it? Write down what you can with it and give the rest to God.
Is it National Security? Release it. Give it to God because what can you do about it? Write down what you can do with it and give the rest to God.
Is it Money, Riches, and Wealth? Release it. Give it to God. Write down what it means to have all that money, riches, and wealth. What would it help? What would you sacrifice to have it? Would that be worth it? Then give it to God.
Is it Things? What would it mean to have all those Things….or even just that one thing. Write it down. What would you have to do to get it? Would you or anyone sacrifice while working toward it? Would that be worth it? Then give it to God.
Is it fame or acknowledgement of some kind? What is that about? Write it down. What would it mean to get it? Would it change anything? What and how? Would anyone sacrifice while trying to get it? Would you? Write that down then release it to God.
What is in your fist? Can you give it to God? I promise you when you give it to God miracles happen. It might not look how you thought, but I promise it will be so much better! And think about this…..What is the opposite of Satan laughing? Satan crying! Satan stomping his feet, holding us in his fist, white knuckling, getting tired, and releasing us! Releasing us to God! What a relief that is! To be released to God. To Trust God and to just let God be in control. What happens when we do this. We are free to do what we need to with our hands which is love others, help others, assist others, and raise them to God and praise Him. Trust Him with open hands. Opening our eyes to God and trusting Him. After all we are all Worthy! We are all His children and all He wants is us to trust Him and love Him.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
Letter To My Senior
Dear Will,
As I write this letter I am filled with so much emotion. Fear, sadness, confusion, but most of all love and pride. You are the one who gave me the title of Mother. You are the one to say the word “Mama” first. You were the first to cause me real fear when you got sick. You were the first to show me that love without even knowing someone is real. I loved you the very first moment I found out I was going to have you!!!! I had no picture, all I had was a double line. And I fell in love. So this letter is full of love.
But with love that grand comes a magnitude of sadness when you are worried and fearful for the one you love so much. I am so sad because this was suppose to be your year! Your last year to play soccer. Your year to go on a senior spring break trip without me or dad. Your Senior Prom. Your year as president of the Art Club and whatever else the rest of your senior year had to offer you. The last year to be with your closest buds before you all went your separate ways out into the world. This was what you had worked so hard for these past 13 years and it was all taken from you and the rest of the Seniors across the world due to a global pandemic.
As I sit here writing this I realize that a lot of your classmates were born around September 11, 2001. 911….Funny, you all came into this world at such a painful time in history and we are going to send you all out into the world at such a painful time in history. I tend to think there is a divine plan around this. God does not make mistakes. There is no mistake in this. As a matter of fact I think there will be true leaders made from this. And I think you will be one of those leaders!
But, that still does not take away the pain, confusion, or sheer madness you and your friends might be feeling. And to that I say, feel it! Let yourselves feel it. It is real. The pain is real. You have been robbed of a precious time in your life. An important time. One filled with so much anxiety, excitement,and joy and now all it is sadness and loss. It is o.k. to grieve this loss. With grief comes all kinds of emotions. Be there for one another. Listen to one another. Sit in silence with one another. Cry with one another. Of course as I write this I realize you will have to do this via face time, zoom, snap chat, or whatever technological way you all do these things now. And that in and of itself is so sad!!!!! But all the more reason to show you how resilience you all are! You are so tech savvy and so creative and innovative you all will make a beautiful thing out of this terrible situation! I just know it!!!!
It hurts my heart it has to be this way. When we were on our walk and you were talking about how you would never step foot into your high school again and how it hurt you to know you may never see Mr. Fullwood….well let’s just say I had to choke back the tears.
I remember being a senior. One of the most exciting times of my life. I remember all the emotions. All the gatherings and parties. I remember all the planning for college. AND I remember crying in my theater teachers arms, Mr. Cody, about how sad I was it was over. But the difference between my senior year and yours is my senior played out how it was suppose to….Yours was taken from you like a thief in the night. I remember being scared about what it would look like going forward, sad that I might not ever see some of the people I had seen daily for years, and sad about all the familiar comfortable things my childhood brought me. He played a song for me, one that I will never forget. Some Good Things Never Last, by Barbara Streisand. The words in the end go like this:
We’ll live for the future
We’ll learn from the past
No matter how hard we try
Some good things never last
Why can’t they last?
I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what tomorrow holds. What I do know is you are creative. You are smart. You will all find a way to band together with your friends and make the best out of this awful circumstance. And through this terrible circumstance you and your friends will be all the stronger for it which in turn will bless this world and our future.
I am so sad for you Will and all your friends and classmates. But as I close this letter know that I close it in hope! Hope because you and your classmates are our countries future! I am excited to see how you all will make the most of this situation and that in and of itself will provide hope for our country and our future! You all are leaders and this is STILL YOUR YEAR!!!!
All My Love,
Mom
Are You There God?
2020 might be the longest year in the history of years! AND WE ARE ONLY IN MARCH! Does anyone feel me? If so, can I get an AMEN! This year has been tough for my family as my husband as been very sick, our school district has suffered two teenage suicides, and now the pandemic of the corona. I swear sometimes I find myself asking, “God are you there?”
I can honestly say, just as fast as I ask that or think that, I come back to: of course He is here! I look back to January 3 when my husband’s illness started and remember some very dark days in January, days I thought I was going to be a widow and I made it through. Trey made it through. My kids made it through. We made it through four hospitals, 63 days total in those hospitals, me as a single parent, And we did it all by the grace of God. How? God! That is the only answer I got!!!! I know I leaned into God like I have NEVER before and I know it was God who brought all of us through.
Why am I telling you this? Because I know it seems God is not here. Trust me I felt that way in January! Why would He allow this? And now a pandemic?! I don’t know that answer, but I personally THINK the answer is because He is desperate for ALL of us to rediscover our foundation of faith. He wants us to rely on Him. Is that all he needs us to do in this pandemic? No! He needs us to be like Him too! And he needs us to be smart! What does this look like? Well here are a few of my thoughts….take what you like and leave the rest, these are just my thoughts and maybe just maybe it will bring you the comfort it brings me.
RELY ON HIM! What does it look like to rely on Him? Well, I think for me it is starting my day with Him! No social media, no TV, no newspaper, but quiet time with Him. It is there that I find peace. It is there that I find something in the word that when the day does get scary like yesterday and all the gyms close (the places I work), or the schools close, I can lean back on my morning and remember His words that brought me comfort and peace. God is chasing after us. He is watching us. I know it seems like He is not because this is happening, but I promise He is. God does not make mistakes. This pandemic is not a mistake. It is all in His Perfect Plan. Do I know what that is? No, but I think He is here with us.
BE LIKE HIM! Love your neighbor! What does this mean? Well, it is pretty simple. Stay home and be patient. Our elderly, like my father, those with underlying illnesses, and our infants are depending on this. Think of the poor mama whose child has been suffering from cancer. They have been stuck in the hospital for who knows how long. They get to FINALLY come home and she of course has to go to the grocery and into public to stock her home. Don’t be selfish and be out bringing all those germs that can land on her and she can bring home to that child. OF COURSE there will be times you have to go, but be patient and go when you need to. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T HOARD THE TOILET PAPER! I had to say that, but I am scratching my head at what the heck is that all about? Point is, guys, I know it is hard. Trust me I know. I have an eight year old. But, we need to be sensitive to those at risk. They are all around us. My dad, my neighbor with diabetes, my neighbor with cancer, my neighbors mother in law, my college roommates daughter with CF….the list goes on and on. I bet if you took a pen to paper you would find on your block alone there is at least one person who falls into “HIGH RISK”, be aware and be smart and be like Jesus! STAY HOME unless you need to go out and when you do go out, don’t hoard! Share with your neighbors. It is very simple: The law of radiation and attraction. You get what you give! Give love, get love. Be crappy, get crap! You get the point. Be like Jesus! Emulate LOVE. Emulate compassion. Emulate patience. Emulate selflessness! BE LIKE JESUS! If everyone did this imagine how much more compassion and kindness would be in this world.
Be Smart! This kind of falls with number two, but I also think it falls into what you hear everyone saying. Drink your water. Eat your fruits. Eat your veggies. Take your vitamins. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. And stay positive. If that means turning off the news and distancing yourself from it, do it!!! Negative thoughts can literally bring down your immune system. So if the news is bringing you down, don’t watch it!!!!! Watch your alcohol intake. It is proven to be a depressant. If you find your are struggling mentally or slower the day after you have had a cocktail or two, maybe you should rethink booze until this is over. Is that buzz really worth your mindset and your immune system. I guess only you can decide that. For me no. I have three boys, a husband, and an elderly father counting on me, not to mention myself! I got dreams I have yet to fulfill!!!!! So be smart. Listen to your body. If you are tired sleep. If you are antsy go for a walk or better yet dance! If you are sad, stop the booze and don’t watch TV! Try journaling your thoughts and feelings. Listen to a podcast. Meditate. Do a puzzle. Play ping pong! There are all kinds of things you can do to change your mindset. Find what works for you and do it.
When you put these three things into place, or if you put them into place, you might be surprised at the peace that overcomes you. Peace that should not be there. Peace that you cannot explain. Peace that is warm.
Do you want that kind of Peace? I know I do. So will you join me and everyday for the next 8 weeks and get up and start your day with God? If you answered yes to that question here is what I am asking:
Order SOLO: an Uncommon Devotional
Join the SOLO facebook group (I can help you here, just message me and let me know you want to join.)
Don’t worry about catching up! Start with Day one and go at your own pace! Trust me on this. I am behind too and GODS TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT! TRUST ME! You will be amazed at how whatever day you are on….whether it is day 1, day 68, or the actual day….the message will be perfect for you and will bring you so much peace.
For those of you who do not want to join you too can still join us every morning in quiet time. Cry out to God. Get to know Him. He is chasing after you. He is chasing after me. And he is chasing after our world. I just know He is and I have so much peace in knowing Him and relying on Him. He is there. He is here. He is everywhere! He is with us!
Until next time,
XO,
AMY
You Light Up My Life!
Baby Bear! It is YOUR birthday and I cannot believe that in 365 days from now you will be 18! Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday you were holding that bottle in between your teeth and dragging that blankie around! Oh that blankie!!!!! Such memories! I can still smell it! NO LIE! But what I would do to erase time and go back to that stinky blankie!
Why erase time and go back? Because there were times I was not at my best and I know there were times I could have done better. Yes ,you have had a wonderful life, but as your mom I know there were times I could have done better. For instance, when I kept making you play football! I am so sorry for that. I know you forgive me and all I can give you is the acknowledgement that I know that I could have done better there. I am sorry. I know there are many more. The point is I want you to know I love you!
Here is the deal, I know you know I love you. I also know we will still have rough patches. What I want you to know son is I will always love you. ALWAYS!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!! You bring me so much joy and light! It’s not just one way that you shine either JP, but a million different ways that you light up my life. You are such a gift! And not just to me and our family, but to the world!
So on this 17th birthday my darling JP remember this: “Keep Shining Beautiful One! The world needs your light!”
Happy Birthday MY JP!
IWALY!
Mom
Surrender and Obey
2020 here you are! Ready or not, which I was not, BUT here you are! Funny thing is normally I am way ahead of the game when it comes to new year, goals, words, resolutions, which I do not do, or whatever new comes with the new year, but this year I found myself frozen. Frozen solid! I could not muster the energy to write, to read, to plan, to organize, to do anything really! Why?
I will tell you some of the reasons why. Comparison, among other things, but if I am being honest, comparison is one real reason why. I would see people on their insta stories doing their vision boards, still have not done mine, talking of their resolutions, their dreams, giving their word for 2020, they would be so happy, God are they happy, AND perfect….oh so perfect… all the while I was frozen, hurting, scared, and screaming inside.
Screaming, “WHY GOD! WHY?” 2020 has been rough and we are only three weeks in. So I have decided to raise my hands and surrender! Yep SURRENDER! I give up! I am giving up! You heard me! Giving the you know blankety blank blank up!
What does that mean? It means I am admitting right here, right now, I am powerless! I am powerless over a lot of things going on and I am surrendering! I am surrendering to God because I know if anyone can bring some kind of peace back to my world it is Him. Let’s face it, this world is hurting. I am hurting. My family is hurting, and the only hope I have is in God. So I will surrender!
So my word for 2020 is officially SURRENDER but I would like to tack on OBEY….I feel in order to truly surrender I need to obey God. I need to surrender to God and be obedient so I can know what to do. What HE wants me to do, which Lord knows He might have to hit me over the head with a frying pan for me to get it….All I know is I am ready to do what it is He wants me to do. That is scary to say even, but I firmly believe if I surrender, fully surrender, to Him, He will show me the way. But, I also know it is not enough to just surrender. I know I will have to surrender over and over and over and over again….all day long….and it will not just be enough to surrender. I MUST be obedient and DO IT!!!! Lord help me is not enough….LORD HELP ME TO WALK OUT AND OBEY….That is what it needs to be.
So for the next 12 months I will go into detail of how I have personally broken down my word to apply it to my life. Maybe just maybe it will help you on your journey….if not you, maybe someone else.
Here’s to 2020 and here’s to not only surrendering, but to truly being obedient!
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
A Worthy Woman
After much reflection on my past decades I am sitting in my 40’s and I am sitting in disbelief, awe, and what the hell….to be quite frank.
My 40’s started off with a bang when I found out we were pregnant with our sweet Graeme bear. Who knew you could get pregnant after 40 AND after the doctors told you it is out of the question? I guess God knew because here I am 9 years later with an almost 9 year old! So, long decade short, my forty’s started off with a miracle! And as I sit here today with a difficult situation happening around me I know in my heart my 40’s will end in a miracle. The road to that miracle might not be smooth, but it will be a miracle.
This is us….all of us….so much love and so many miracles right here.
Forty for me has been a decade of growth. Growth in personal development, growth in love, growth in compassion, growth in strength, growth in perseverance, growth in gratitude, and growth in my faith.
Each area of growth has been a long time coming when I look back on my past. Most areas have been easy to grow in and honestly natural. A few however have been a struggle. My faith for instance has honestly been difficult. Some days I find myself rocking my relationship with God and other days I find myself cussing him out. True story! Some days I find myself excited to wake up and spend time with him, some I find on my knees begging him to listen, and, if I am being honest with you, which I always am, sometimes like yesterday I find myself yelling, “Fuck you God! I am out the Devil wins!” This my friends is no lie and my poor mom is rolling over in her grave that I admitted that and that I said that word, and typed it! Sorry Mom….Rest in Peace. I made up with God today…. for right now at least. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Point is sometimes growth is two steps forward and ten back. What you do in the backslide is what is important. Thank God with all the other areas of growth I usually snap out of it and keep on keeping on….something I have gotten fairly good at over the decades.
As I look back on each decade I see something about myself that makes sense to who I am today. I look at the good times and the bad times and I realize it has ALL molded me into who I am right now. A strong, confident, tenacious, persistent, sometimes stubborn, compassionate, honest, worthy woman. And I am proud of her…..I love her…..
A Worthy Woman…..
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
a worthy woman
First Came Love....Nine Years Later Came Marriage
Amy and Trey sitting in a tree…K I S S I N G! First came love and nine damn years later came marriage and wham bam 12 months later came Will in a baby carriage!
Welcome home Will Berry!!!!
This is LITERALLY how my 30’s started, but first we had to make it through a plane crash! And when I say “we” I mean Trey! You heard that right! In May of 2000 my amazing husband survived a plane crash while doing work ups for the US Navy off the coast of California.
Would you believe he was out of the hospital in less than 8 hours! So this young, dumb, in love, fiance, thought nothing of it and kept on planning their wedding and never thought twice about it until recently. BIG mistake. The brain is a funny thing and trauma can resurface in odd and weird ways! But, hey! That is my forties and we are in my thirties!
My thirties were miraculous in that I became a wife and a mom! We got married on December 30, 2000, moved to California, and two short weeks later, Trey was off the coast of California preparing to go overseas for six months. We lived in a house on Silver Strand Beach with 5 other guys in which Trey’s squadron dubbed it the snake ranch with a flower. I have to say looking back I think to myself, “What the heck was I thinking?” But, I also have to say I had a blast with those guys!!!!! We cooked together, hung out, watched Survivor, and just had a blast. I never was alone and I never felt unsafe in my new surroundings. It was like I had four body guards and Trey! It was awesome! They took care of me and welcomed me with open arms.
In February, just before Trey got sent overseas, we FINALLY got to have our honeymoon. One thing is for sure. When you are a military spouse you learn real quick to be flexible and I think that was a great lesson for me. I had to learn to bend and realize that honeymoons might not happen in the traditional sense, the day after the wedding, Christmas for us might not be spent on December 25th, or birthdays and anniversaries might not be spent on their actual day, and I learned it was o.k. My life did not crumble. Just typing this I realize I probably learned a lot about that while working with my kids with cancer because it never bothered me and when we did finally get to be together I just really appreciated the time and was so grateful for it.
Trey left in March of 2001 for six months and I got to meet him over in Australia for a few weeks. My dear friend Dana came with me and we had a ball. We flew into Sydney and met the ship the next day and the adventure began! Australia is such a neat place and Trey and I have so many wonderful memories there, but the biggest memory we have is Sydney, Australia is where Will Berry was conceived! Yep! On the US Constellation! (That is a story for another day!) I use to kid with Will and tell him if he was a girl I would have named him Connie, but that is not true, I was going to name him Sydney if he was a girl, but it is a mute point, because, well, because he is a boy and he is my Will!!!!!
I had no idea we had conceived Will until about a month after I was back in the states and I was so sick! So sick, I came back to Texas and my mother in law and mother had to take care of me. I had terrible hyperemesis, but again, looking back God knew what he was doing because I got to be here to spend more time with Leah. Matter of fact Leah was with me the day I found out the sex of the baby. I remember that day like it was yesterday. When the nurse announced it was a boy, she got up and bolted from the room. Poor thing was so sad. She desperately wanted me to have a girl so I could name her after her and thank God for my mother in law’s quick thinking because she immediately said, “Well, his name will be William which is the male form of Leah!” Leah bought it and life was good!!!!!
In September of 2001 Trey called to say he was coming home from the middle east!!!!! He told me he was flying home a few days earlier than the ship. I was so excited! It was September 10, 2001 and I was back in California waiting for Trey to get home! He landed around 5 that afternoon, we had dinner with his grandparents, aunt, and mom and then we went home to be alone. We had our own little place on Silver Strand now and it was right on the beach. I remember waking up VERY early the next morning to our phones ringing and I clearly remember the sun coming up over the water and I could hear Trey’s father’s voice saying, “Turn on the T.V.”. We did and well, you know what was happening. I remember being so scared. The phone started ringing again and it was Trey’s Commanding Officer who was still en route on the U.S. Constellation telling Trey to pack his bags they were turning around and going back. This was a terrorist attack and this meant war. I was devastated and if I am being honest I truly was thinking, “This is it. My husband is going to war and is going to die. He will never meet our child.” Needless to say I was a mess.
Trey thankfully did not have to go back to the middle east, but he did fly patrol over New York and Washington DC, which for me gave me comfort because he was state side. I am not sure why, because they took those towers down with all those innocent people in it and that was state side, but for whatever reason I was able to cope. I am thankful for that.
Will Berry came 6 weeks early on December 9, 2001 and I became a mom! What a true miracle! And by January 30, 2002 we were moving across the country to Mississippi. What a whirlwind! We moved to Meridian, Mississippi in February 2002 and Meridian is where my sweet John Paul Berry was born! February 21, 2003. Yet another miraculous day in my life! And he too came 6 weeks early!!!!!
Welcome home John Paul Berry!
So in Meridian I found myself the mom of two active little boys, 14 months a part. A military pilot’s wife and it is when I officially left the Catholic Church. This was big for me! Growing up my father was my Sunday School instructor, we were in Church every Sunday, and people use to kid that my dad thought he was the Pope and my mom was like a nun! She said her rosary daily, almost until the day she died, and if something big was going on in your life she would not hesitate to pull out a Novena. For those of you who are not Catholic or a recovering Catholic like myself, a Novena is basically a thirty day prayer, but it is intense. So leaving the church was hard for me. However, we found the most amazing Church in Meridian. Northpointe Presbyterian Church. What an amazing church and what an amazing community.
Bob Bates was our Pastor and he and his sweet wife, Julie, along with all the amazing members welcomed our little family with open arms. I have so many amazing memories there, but here is one memory that has stuck with me. Being Catholic, I was not raised to pray from the heart, we did not do bible studies, we did not memorize scripture. I actually memorized prayers, which I say to this day, and I am not knocking my faith, it was just different. I remember being in a Bible Study at the church and the story of the rainbow and Noah’s ark came up. As God as my witness I never really grasped that the rainbow was a sign from God and a promise!!!! Now I am not blaming my Catholic upbringing or dogging it, but I am saying it was in that very moment I knew I had a lot of catching up to do! (Still do!) It was in that moment I knew I wanted to go deeper and get to know the bible! It was in that moment I chose to grow in my faith. Like I said, not bagging on my past, but for me this was a pivotal time and one I will forever be grateful for and it was because of that amazing community at Northpointe that I truly started to grow in my faith. Which now I know came at just the right time!!!!!
We were in Meridian from 2002 until 2005 when we moved back to Dallas. That was a little traumatic for us. Trey got out of the military and honestly I don’t think the military does a good job at helping you transition for military life to civilian life. It is quite a change and it is hard on marriages and families. Really hard. When we got back to Dallas I tried desperately to go back to how life was before I left here. I went back to work, tried rekindling relationships with friends I had before I left, and tried to go back to the Catholic Church. All of this made me miserable. Everything had changed and I HAD CHANGED!!!!! It had been five years and nothing was the same. Trey was struggling because he was working for Southwest AND flying for the reserves out of Fort Worth, so two jobs, and an angry wife. That was not a pretty time. It was actually one of our darkest times, but we fought like mad to not give up! Why? Because we were growing in our faith and we fought for that.
It is not easy when your marriage is out of sorts, you are feeling disconnected, and you have no church family. I seriously wonder how people do it with out a church home and a church family? Seriously!!!! We were a mess and desperately trying to find a church home. I am proud to say we FINALLY found a church one as that was so hard with so many choices here in Dallas! North Park Presbyterian was were we settled and yet again it was right where God wanted us. Our amazing pastor, Pastor Rich, truly was a life line for Trey and I. Through his counsel and yet again the amazing members, we made it through that terrible time and we made it through all the more stronger; which helped us to settle into life in the big city of Dallas, Texas!
So as I look back on my thirties I see a gal who grew to be a strong, faith driven woman. A woman who learned to not give up in scary and unsettling times. A woman who learned to be independent when her husband was called to war. A woman who had to learn to adapt to new environments and learned one of the most important ingredients to a new place is a church home. A woman who does not give up or settle on a church home either! She turns over every stone until she knows she is in the right place. Most importantly, I see a woman who fights for her marriage and for her family whom she loves desperately and will go to the ends earth fighting for AND I see a woman who is worthy! That is what I see.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
