The Curse That Cannot Be Reversed
I never intended to be a parent of a special needs child. And though I had hopes of the fairy tale family where everyone breathed on their own, milestones were met with ease; I soon realized that I was just not meant to live in a perfect castle, high on a hill, while those below thought my life was something more “perfect” than it was.
Wednesday I introduced you all to an organization by the name of Hope's Seed. If you missed that post you can catch it here: https://worthyheart.squarespace.com/blog/2018/neighbors-friends-hope What I did not tell you was the back story to how Hope's Seed came about. It is a pretty powerful story, one that I am so glad I responded to the founder's request and learned more about why she started this organization. I asked Shelley, the founder, if she would like to share her story and she was so gracious and wrote her story as to why she does what she does. Take a minute and read it. You might see how blessed you are or you might see you are not alone. Whichever shoe you are wearing, you are loved!
A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever.
“Shelley and Zoe’s story”
I never intended to be a parent of a special needs child. And though I had hopes of the fairy tale family where everyone breathed on their own, milestones were met with ease; I soon realized that I was just not meant to live in a perfect castle, high on a hill, while those below thought my life was something more “perfect” than it was.
I know that this typical world that looks at the differently abled as broken may try to tell you they pity you, but I want you to know that our life is beautifully chaotic—there isn’t anything damaged about this road that we, us the special needs parents have been asked to walk.
Perhaps we are nontraditional, at times scary, and possibly sometimes, it feels as if we are alone, but there is nothing about our life that is broken.
I see now that this was the journey that some of us were meant to walk.
I would never have thought my children would grow up thinking that trauma was a routine, instead of something you read about in a magazine,
Perhaps if I can show you through my words that sometimes this special needs road isn’t easy—and that the first step is always to learn how to cope—then maybe you will know more than I did and make choices that are founded in greater awareness and courage.
I didn’t know how little I knew about life and myself when I began my journey of special needs parenting, but time did a beautiful job of teaching me.
I know that sometimes it’s hard just being confined at home, only going out to doctor appointments, because your child is too medically fragile to just go out for ice cream, There is hope, and there is always a way to learn the joy of this new normal way of life. Yes, I say new normal, because this life that you are being asked to walk will turn into a normal life, a different one then you are used to, but you're new normal.
You are enough; you are doing the best you can, I know that you still want to do more. However, you have to realize your good enough, is good enough.
When you tell me that you can't-do this it is too much, I understand, I have driven on the highway, many times with tears sliding down my cheek because I honestly thought I couldn't do this, just as much as you have. I can’t say that it is easy, I am saying you can do this.
But I do know that I was given this child who does not breathe for a reason, and you were given your differently abled child for a purpose.
For now, all I can do is love you, and give you hope to know you are not alone and you are strong enough to do this.
To say that your new normal is beautifully chaotic and messy implies that your life is hard, but it is has created flowers where there were dry and barren fields.
The reality of this journey is we don't know the outcome. Will, your child live, will your child be able to have some semblance of a normal life, will your child have someone other than you to want them, to love them, or will you be able to do it alone. The answer is I just don't know. I have found that staying in the present and dealing with the day to day and not dwelling on the what-ifs or maybes of what the future brings is the way to help to take some of the anxiety of what the future holds away. It is hard dear hearts, not to worry about what is coming around the next corner, staying grounded in the present is key to calming the storm inside of our hearts.
I know that what I say doesn’t mean anything if I am not willing to do the hard work to back it up with action. I struggle with what the future holds, when I know what the future will bring, more ICU stays, more people not understanding, more people wanting to pity the journey that we walk.
What good would I be to you if write you these love notes about finding, loving yourself, following your heart and all of the magic that this life of parenting a special needs child is if I wasn’t willing to follow my advice?
The truth is, my loves, we stumble over this road, we make mistakes, we learn lessons, and we get up the next day and do it all again.
If I hadn’t followed my heart and decided that I wanted my child not just to live, but have a life worth living to be the greatest example to both of my children, to show grace and fortitude, to advocate for them, to pave away, to tell them it doesn't matter if you can't breathe on your own, cannot talk, walk, eat by mouth, you were put on this earth to teach us what life is really about, then I also wouldn’t be the mother that they truly needed me to be.
Without this road that I have been asked to walk, I wouldn’t be the type of women who would have amazing children who were differently able that will one day change this world.
My goal from the start has been to raise amazing children; this did not change because one of them was born not knowing how to breathe. I never intended to keep watch over them teaching them, their ABCs while they learn how to best blend into society so that one day they might get a mortgage, and an IRA and find themselves settled down but empty.
I intended for them to grow up to be people with soul and depth.
People who have vision and ambition who know they will have to work through blood and sweat to get the life they want and deserve, breathing on their own or not.
People who follow their hearts no matter where it leads and who possess the courage to help others who are differently abled to do the same.
I wanted my children to be game-changers and status quo destroyers. This is what our special children were born to do. No, they might not be in the boardroom, behind a desk or political office they were born for greater things.
I first had to become this type of woman because of walking this journey.
So, no my darlings we do not have broken children, it was us who were broken before we had them and were able to learn what truly mattered.
Brokenness begets gratitude for the little things, the first step of a legally blind child, the first food a tube fed child eats by mouth, the first word a trached child forms, the first day you drive alone with your vent dependent child, all these things that unbroken parents never think of. You just feel the rush of gratitude for the ordinary, the new normal, the only normal you now experience. It makes you who you are, strong, yet bendable, because you know the wind will blow hard again, but you bounce back. Every time.
My story like all good stories is a story of hope, failure, brokenness, elation, beauty, and life.
My darling Zoe was born just like every other perfect child. She came out kicking and screaming, the nurses beamed, the father overjoyed, and I laid on my birthing bed glistening with the dew of a hard-won victory.
Even Shakespeare could not have foreshadowed the events that began to unravel like a ball of un-kept yarn as soon as Zoe's head was placed in the nursery.
You always hear the greatest stories of milky laced trauma that start with a dramatic birth but alas Zoe had a perfect peaceful birth, yet like all good suspense novels, it is not what is obvious that stirs the plot but the silent nuances that sneak in like a thief in the night.
Zoe just simply stopped breathing, there was no struggle she just closed her perfectly made doe eyes pursed out her bow like lips, went to sleep in the nursery of the hospital and stopped breathing.
There was no fanfare, no blue to tinge her lips, not even a tear.
The nurse noticed something off and went to pick her up, and Zoe took a deep cleansing breath opened her eyes yawned, stretched and wiggled like any other newborn. The nurse shook her head laid Zoe back down and walked off. This seemed to be the beat of Scottish tattoo Zoe played.
Stop breathing, the nurse picks her up Zoe takes a breath, and the snowflake pattern begins a new.
The doctors moved her up to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit all confused why this perfectly perfect newborn would stop breathing with not even a struggle.
Zoe played this game of cat and mouse for 6 months, 6 months of Zoe not breathing when she slept, a tube was placed in the small of her neck so a machine could whirl and whistle air into Zoe's while we all held our breath watching and waiting for Zoe to take a breath on her own. For six months we waited winter turned into spring and spring into summer.
At last the doctors had found a name for why Zoe would not breathe, like all good fairy tales one needs just a simple curse to make the story come to completion.
A curse is what she had, to be precise Zoe had " Ondine's Curse" the curse of forgetting to breathe.
Hearing words that your daughter has a curse upon her, and you not knowing what that curse could be, you sit there in that ICU holding your cursed baby and weaved steadily within her, and I a resolve to weave a web of a life with little fear and only beautiful joy. The doctors gave us no hope; the nurses gave me a pearl garland to wind her head, to lay her on a velvety bed and let her fly back to heaven like a fairy princess. The curse can never be reversed but I did know you could live with a curse I had read about all kinds of fairy tales when I was small. You should always believe in fairy tales not because curses can be reversed, but because curses can turn your scars into threads of silvery beauty. The Doctors gave me one year with Zoe, Zoe has given me 17 years.
Shelley
To learn more about Shelley's organization go to www.hopesseed.com
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Every mom could use an Apple Watch
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Have you gotten your mom that special something for mother's day yet? If not click the link above! You might find something she will love!
Neighbors, Friends, and Hope
Have you ever heard the saying, "A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing?"
Have you ever heard the saying, "A bad neighbor is a misfortune, as much as a good one is a great blessing?" It is so true! I am happy to report I have amazing neighbors and our little block is one of pure love and joy. Once a month the moms on my block all get together and do a mom's night. Every once in a while we will change it up and include the family, but for the most part it is about 12 women and we get together and eat, talk, and just share life. It has been so good for our souls and so good for our street. Twelve or so mom's getting together and finding out that we are all the same, but yet so different. Some work, some do not. Some exercise, some do not. Some like wine, some just drink water. Some have multiple kids, some just have one. Some have kids out of colleges, while others still have kids in the womb- the list goes on and on of differences, but what we do have in common are the same fears and dreams for our families and we all understand the joy of doing for others.
Last month after our last get together I started putting ideas out there of what we could do for April. Oddly about the same time, I read a post on the book of face (facebook) from a lady who was collecting bags for mom's in the hospital on Mom's day with their sick kiddos:
Many mothers are going to spend their first and last mothers day sitting at the bedside of their children who are medically fragile and terminally ill.
Help Hope's Seed to bring mothers day to these mother's at children medical center Dallas.
We need gift bags full of items like lotion, toothbrush, dry shampoo, chapstick, pens, notepads, anything at all that a mom would need while in the hospital with their child. Let's all bring some sunshine into these mothers lives on Mothers day this year.
I will PPU all you have to do is get your friends together, church groups, girls scouts, mothers day out or just on your own. I will pick up and deliver to children's medical center on your behalf.
Deadline for PPU is May 10th
I had never heard of Hope's Seed, but I had done enough work with my "Cancer Mom's" in the past to know that this was an amazing idea. I immediately sent out the text to the group asking if they would like to do this. You guys, my friends/neighbors went above and beyond! EVERYONE jumped in and everyone contributed; even if they could not be there the night I had chosen to build the gift bags. My amazing sister in-law, Erin, donated gift bags, ribbon, and adorable stickers from her stationary business at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/erinshelby
I made my neighbor, Amy's tortilla soup! If you missed that post you can find the recipe here: https://worthyheart.com/blog/2018/4/28/amys-tortilla-soup-modified-for-this-amys-tastebuds Some of the mom's bought other nibbles and wine and together we built 50 adorable bags of love. We had fellowship, we had laughs, we had food, we had wine, and we all counted our blessings because God willing we will be home on mother's day with our healthy kiddos. It was such a great night, so easy, and we all felt so good inside! We were all happy and full! Full of love, full of joy, and full of hope for these mommies!
Grandpa joined in on the food and fellowship! #luckyguy
“I began learning long ago that those who are the happiest are those who do the most for others.”
We enjoyed this evening so much that one of the mom's came up with the idea of "Cause a Quarter"! I love that! Once a quarter Milton Mama's will be giving back! How fun is that and how blessed am I to have such amazing neighbors! Not only neighbors, but friends! Each one of these ladies has a story and beautiful story and each one of these ladies has a heart a beautiful heart! To top it off each one of these ladies I can personally call my friend!
“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul”
So as Mother's Day approaches I want to take a moment to thank my neighbors/friends for being who they are! I want to tell each one of them you are Amazing! You are Strong! You are Loving! You are Happy! You are Selfless! You are Graceful! And you are Special! Happy Mother's Day to 12 amazing ladies and Happy Mother's day to all Moms! Because after all, Mom's are like buttons, they hold everything together!
If you want to learn more about Hope's Seed go to: http://hopesseed.com/ and later this week, Shelley, the founder of Hope's Seed will be sharing her story as to why she started Hope's Seed. Stay tuned because it is a story you will not want to miss!
Bags of love produced by some amazing women! Women I call my friends! #luckygirl
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
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Mother's day is fast approaching! Here are some beauty gift ideas!
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Don't forget your moms! Click the link above and find her something to make her day EXTRA special!
Letter to Barbara
Dear Mrs. Bush,
When I heard the news you had declined medical intervention I really did not know that much about you. I knew the basics. I knew you were the First Lady and I knew one of your sons had been President, which those two facts alone make you something big in my book.
Dear Mrs. Bush,
When I heard the news you had declined medical intervention I really did not know that much about you. I knew the basics. I knew you were the First Lady and I knew one of your sons had been President, which those two facts alone make you something big in my book. You were a wife and a mom, just like me; and as far as I am and was concerned when I was listening to the news that is pretty big, maybe bigger than being the first lady and the mother of one of our Presidents. Our jobs as moms and wives are big and you set an example that I want to follow the rest of the days of my life.
As the end of your life was progressing I learned so much more and then you died and I was glued to the T.V., glued to N.P.R., which any of my friends reading this letter would tell you that is not normal. I like my music! But you Mrs. Bush have me wanting to hear more and more about you. You were an amazing lady who got it! You got the meaning of life and you were so classy! Gosh I wish I had known you personally! What I could have learned!
I am not really sure why I am writing you this letter; we all know it won't reach you in heaven, but maybe by writing this letter, I can engrain the many, many, lessons you have left behind into my pea brain and be a better person. A better wife. A better mom. A better friend. If that happens- then hey this letter was worth it!
Your strength and faith was amazing. I honestly had no clue you lost a child to leukemia. I use to do a lot of fundraising for Leukemia Society and it is an organization that is very near and dear to my heart. Not because I lost a child to leukemia, because I have not and God willing I will not. I actually think it is a crime for a parent to lose a child. It goes against the order of life. Your grandparents die, then your parents, then your older siblings, then you, THEN your child. Not your child first! That is not fair. Yet, you never looked at it as unfair. Sure, when Robin got the diagnosis you tried everything, any parent would, but when she died, you did not shrivel up. If anything you made her death a beautiful story. You shared how she was still a joy not a sadness. You shared how she was your angel and how no you can't hold her, but you can feel her. That story right there changed my entire perspective on my lost baby. I no longer want to wallow in what could have been, but I will stand firm in knowing I have an angel that I cannot hold, but yes I can feel. And when the day comes for me to meet that baby in heaven I just know my reunion will be just as joyous as the reunion between you and Robin and the other baby you lost. I wonder if that baby was a boy or girl. I wish you could tell us, but I know that reunion was just as amazing! If you get some time will you go give my baby a hug for me? Mom to Mom?
Barbara, your humor, I had no idea you had such a sense of humor. and the way used it was amazing to me! I really think it helped to break the ice or make the playing ground even. You never wanted people to look at you as royalty or someone big, you wanted people to look at you as Barbara. I just love that. What a beautiful gift; the gift of humor to make people feel worthy, loved, and normal. The joke you made about your famous pearls back in 2015 just had me in stitches and the fact that you told the doctor in your last days that your son was the way he is was because you drank and smoked with him in utero, well, do you know what that joke did for a lot of moms? That joke let a lot of moms off the hook. If you are a mom- you know what I am talking about.
Your commitment to your husband was one beautiful love story! 73 years! Wow, if Trey and I get 73 years together on this earth, I hope and pray it is half as beautiful as your love story was to George. The simple act of you two holding hands until the end, again, thank you! I will now hold my Trey's hand more often. Such a simple act with so much emotion. Holding hands says: I love you, I got you, you are ok, I am not leaving, hold on tighter, and the list of emotions goes on and on. Medically it has been proven to decrease blood pressure and heart rates and puts people in a more relaxed state. You two did this often and you did it until the end. What we all can learn from this act alone in your marriage; hold hands with your spouse and hold hands often.
It is said you were the enforcer in your family. You were straight forward with your kids! They knew right from wrong, they knew you loved them, but that you expected them to live a life of purpose and meaning, genuine and authentic. I love that all your kids knew the basics: Sit up, do your homework, say please and thank you, eat your vegetables, don't whine or complain, look people in the eye, be kind, treat others how you want to be treated, always tell the truth, don't put others down, serve others, and most importantly love God with all your heart. Wow! How lucky your kids were to have you! That my new found friend is everything I want to teach my kids! Thank you for being such an example. All these lessons no matter how little or big- become habits if you are there every day enforcing them. You were and I will be too! I know there will be difficult times and I know that as long as I am strong and firm in my beliefs like you were and remembering that sometimes these boys will need tough love or as you put it "benevolent dictatorship"! Ha! I love that! I am stealing that line! I hope that is ok? Because I assure you my boys will not look at it as benevolent most of the time, but we moms know what is best and sometimes tough love is it. The ability to strike fear into a child when they are acting out, but let them know they are loved at the same time is a gift. I would say Barbara, you had this gift. Look at your legacy! Beautiful! Well done my friend! Well done!
So as I wrap up my letter to you Barbara, I now know why I wrote it. I wrote this letter to say thank you! Thank you for being you! Thank you for all the lessons I have learned this past week and will continue to learn, because you better believe I will be stalking you! You have taught me so much since your death and I will forever be grateful. You have taught me how to be a better human, wife, and mom. You have showed me what it looks like to be the Rock of the family, the enforcer of the family, the heart of the family. You have taught me not to take myself to seriously and that my humor is a joyous gift. You have shown me an amazing love story, one I plan to emulate all the days of my life with my Trey and you have shown me how death is not scary because our God is beautiful and he is real. Thank you Mrs. Barbara Bush and may you rest in peace as I know from the little bit I have learned about you, It is well with your Soul.
Your friend in Christ,
Amy
P.S. Not really sure how it works in heaven, but if you by chance see or can find my mom, will you tell her I am o.k. and I love and miss her dearly. Thanks! Xo, Amy
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Diary of an Amazon Mom Part 2
Ah Friday! How I have needed you this week? I don't know about the rest of you, but the end of the school year is always hard on me. Maybe it is because I am a mom of three VERY active beautiful boys. Maybe it is because there is a banquet for EVERY interest they are in. Maybe it is because there are still soccer games, flag football games, baseball games, dance recitals, orchestra concerts, choir concerts, homework, projects, fundraisers, and the list goes on and on! Oh and did I mention that I have yet to book the littlest guy in any summer camps or vacation bible schools?
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Ah Friday! How I have needed you this week? I don't know about the rest of you, but the end of the school year is always hard on me. Maybe it is because I am a mom of three VERY active beautiful boys. Maybe it is because there is a banquet for EVERY interest they are in. Maybe it is because there are still soccer games, flag football games, baseball games, dance recitals, orchestra concerts, choir concerts, homework, projects, fundraisers, and the list goes on and on! Oh and did I mention that I have yet to book the littlest guy in any summer camps or vacation bible schools? My organized friends started that mess in February! No LIE! I am afraid my poor little guy might not get in, but I will deal with that when the time comes. For now I need to focus and keep the household afloat! So how am I gonna do that? AMAZON! DUH! I am telling you AMAZON is my friend and can be yours too! Here are just a few things I got this week to keep the house from crumbling! Let me know what you got! You never know, you might save me big time with your Amazon Finds!
With all boys in the house we run out of soap all the time! So thankfully when one boy is low they bring it to my attention and bam! The world is saved from stinky Berry Men! Thanks Amazon!
I follow Glennon Doyle on Facebook and love her! You might too! So I ordered her book and I will let you guys know what I think, but I have to say, I am betting it is a winner!
My boys have a habit of telling me they need a particular book at the last minute and when the calendar is super full. Thankfully this time I had 48 hours notice so I just went straight to my phone, pushed some buttons, and Amazon made sure it got to our door just in the nick of time!
We have a lot of trash! Four men, a lady, and a dog! We need big bags! Enough said!
I know this seems crazy, but Trey LOVES these and yes we can get them on Amazon! You see why I love this company! All from my home I can do this!
Will drinks a lot of protein shakes and this is his favorite powder and thankfully Amazon has it!
I love to take notes at Church and this is my journal of choice. Filled up my last two and keep ordering this one. It fits in my purse nicely and it is lined and easy to keep.
The littlest Berry is on the Astros so when in Rome.....
If you saw my post about my addiction to tanning, then you understand this purchase completely! If not, you can find it here: https://worthyheart.com/blog/2017/8/25/secrets-of-a-tan-a-holic
Have you smelled these dryer sheets?! IF not I suggest you get them! So fresh and so good!!!!
To understand why I need this much turmeric you have to check out my post on my coffee! It explains the amazing benefits of this yellow powder that is like gold for the body! Click the link here: https://worthyheart.com/blog/2018/1/7/do-you-bullet-proof-your-joe
So that my friends is a sneak peak at this Amazon Mom's finds for the week! What have you found on Amazon lately? I would love to know!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
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Spend $50 on select natural baby items and get a $10 gift card! I love that!
Amazon mom!
Amazon might be taking over the world, but I assure you they have saved this busy mom's butt a number of times! Heck Amazon saved Christmas 2017 for the Berry Family! Take a look at what I get and how it continues to save me week after week!
I was sitting at a soccer game the other day and literally over heard two dads discussing Amazon. Basically they were discussing how Amazon is taking over the world and how Amazon is becoming an animal of it's own; more or less...Point is they were kind of irritated. I had to bite my tongue, but hindsight I really wish I would have opened my mouth. Why you might be asking? Well, because Amazon literally saved my life last year when I was in the throws of my mom dying, taking care of my dad, and raising a family. Like LITERALLY! Christmas was saved and anything anyone needed happened. All from the cold hospital room that my mom was dying in! Amazon saved me and keeps on saving me!
Like most mom's of multiple kids I am extremely busy. Throw in the differences in age and likes (one plays soccer and is 16, one is an actor/dancer/ musician/ and is 15, and one is six and remains to be seen) all that makes it more complicated. Add that I help take care of my dad with my sister and I am married to a pilot who is gone quite often. So, yes, Amazon is my hero! I am not lying when I say to you that I order from Amazon on average once a day sometimes two or three times! And Amazon Pantry is my friend! She makes sure that we never are low on dog food, paper towels, energy bars, toothpaste, detergent and toilet paper; which could get ugly in this house!
What do I order? Let me just tell you EVERYTHING. Ok I lied. Almost everything! I have yet to do raw meat or dairy, but you never know. They do offer groceries from WholeFoods now and I am told is is great!
I will show you what I have ordered this week alone and you might laugh, but then again you might say, "Hey, I need that! Had no clue I could get it from Amazon or even have it set on a monthly schedule! Thanks Amy!" -"You're Welcome!"
Sneak Peek at this weeks Amazon deliveries-and we get a bunch!
I am happy to report the Berry's very rarely run out of T.P., unless of course there is a crush on some girl and we just have to toilet paper her house!!!!!
My son LOVES these and I have to say on busy days when I just don't have time to eat I grab one of these babies!
Boys are ALWAYS needing new shoes and I hate the mall! Thank God for Amazon!
Love my detergent and love I can get it from Amazon.
I do my own dermaplane facials and love to use these. Trust me it is a much better price than the dermatologist and so easy!
I am a book-a-holic so to go to a bookstore can be dangerous. Amazon is such a great source and I cannot wait to dive into this one!
Another great bar that my entire family loves!
Again I hate the mall so I really love the free shipping and shopping from my own home!
These gummies are Grame's favorite gummies and that makes life easier getting those probiotics down daily!
If your child has sweaty feet I promise these shoes are the best ones on the market! Graeme actually has a condition called Hyerhidrosis which is basically feet that sweat excessively and these shoes along with the socks below saved our life! Best shoes and socks on the market and Amazon carries them! Bonus!!!!!
These socks have relieved a lot of stress from our lives with Graeme and his sweaty feet! A lot!!!!!
This my friends is only a taste of what I have received this past week! I swear Amazon helps me get more done in a day with one click of a button! So I have decided that Friday's will be my Amazon share for the week! Maybe just by me showing you what I had delivered will spark what you need. Busy moms need each other! So I am here to help and so is Amazon! Trust me!
Until next time!
XO,
Amy
What Ignites Your Soul?
As you know I LOVE to dance; I would credit dance to saving my life. As something that has really brought me so much joy, confidence, and a passion (the loss of weight, fat, and inches is a plus).
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Friday's Pure Cardio!
As you know I LOVE to dance; I would credit dance to saving my life. As something that has really brought me so much joy, confidence, and a passion (the loss of weight, fat, and inches is a plus). Dance reaches at my soul almost as much as my quiet time with God. It is a fire ignited in me that brings an unexplainable amount of joy and so much more!
The community of ladies that I have met through dance is nothing short of amazing. They range in age from 21 to 71! NO LIE! And each one of these ladies brings something to the class that is all theirs. Whether it is their smile, their whoo hoos, their twerks, their wisdom, their organizational skills, their wine knowledge, or their ability to make the room light up with love. Each lady has a story, a story that has brought them to our class. From needing to meet people, health reasons, or wanting to get back to their love of dance. Today I want to introduce you to one of our newest members that's story is just that; a wanting to get back to her love for dance.
Meet Brittany!
Meet Brittany! Brittany just found us this year and I am so glad she has. Brittany is 31, married, and a lash stylist at The Lash Lounge. She does have a dance background as she is a former Dallas Vigilantes dancer, but what I did not know until just last week is Brittany has been working with a Personal Trainer for over a year now and had hit a wall if you will. After meeting us and joining our group, in just one month Brittany lost 2.7 pounds of fat! And that was just by joining our group! She did not change her diet or any of her workouts she was already doing, all she did was add 1-2 days of our classes! I laughed when she was telling me her story because she said her trainer was a little ticked, but very happy for her.
Today I share Brittany's because it is similar to why I got started. I needed to lose weight, but I was also somewhat in a funk. When I found Dallas Dance Fitness I found a home that loved me where I was and encouraged me and cheered me on. I had a lot of challenges to overcome, which I will save those for another day, but I can tell you since I started I have lost over 25 pounds, gained friendships that will last a lifetime, and found a passion for teaching dance. I would say that is a good exchange!
Hello, World!
Rediscovering dance has brought me a peace within my soul that I so wish everyone could have. Think of passions you may have that light you up? It could be tennis, golf, walking, karate, improv, acting, running, swimming, or maybe dance like me! What is it that you really want to try and are scared to take the first step and show up? Trust me, you can do it and you will love it! Take that first step. Sign up, take the next step, and show up! You might be surprised at what the future holds when you go out on a limb and try something you've always wanted too! You might find a peace and joy that you never knew you could have, and isn't joy so much sweeter than the despair that the day to day drudge of life can bring us!
Try it! I dare ya!
Xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
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How Does Your Garden Grow?
I just spent the most magnificent,relaxing, week away with my husband. On the plane ride back I started my third book of the trip and the whole basis was flowers and love. Through this book, I realized our marriage, and all meaningful relationships, are the same in that relationships are like a garden. If you don't tend to them, water them, and clean them out at times, what happens? They die.
Amy, Amy, quite the lady, how does your garden grow? Bluebells, and seashells, and pretty pink tulips all in a row!
This child hood nursery rhyme is nothing short of truth to my marriage. Now I know comparing a garden to my relationship may seem weird but if you follow me there's no doubt you'll relate in the same way.
I just spent the most magnificent,relaxing, week away with my husband. On the plane ride back I started my third book of the trip and the whole basis was flowers and love. Through this book, I realized our marriage, and all meaningful relationships, are the same in that relationships are like a garden. If you don't tend to them, water them, and clean them out at times, what happens? They die.
Well, after the week we just spent in Mexico, my garden (me and Trey) is lush and full of beautiful blooms, like we were first married. However, I am smart enough to know that weeds will creep in, soil will go bad, bugs may or may not infest it, squirrels and rats may invade it, and children might stomp through it. What am I or you to do and protect our blooms.
TIME!
This is a tricky one as Trey is gone a lot, but it is also very important as I can honestly say we have had to fight to bring our garden back to life at times. What happens when you don't spend time in your garden? I named a few above and they are all bad, so Trey and I decided we needed to really communicate in meaningful conversation a minimum of 15-30 minutes a day in order to keep our garden in the shape it is in now. Hate to break it to you, but what doesn’t seem hard, with three active boys, chores, groceries, schedules, a high energy dog that must be walked, might throw you for a whirlwind! It is much harder than you would expect. I would like to think of the conversations we will have as water. Life. These conversations will help us to sustain the marriage just like water will help sustain the garden.
Date night does not have to be fancy like this either! It could look like a run to home depot or the movies!
We also need to really focus on establishing a date night at least twice a month, preferably every week. This part of the time equation is what will help keep the weeds out and when they start creeping in we can pull them immediately while we are out on our date. Not a couples date either! A date with just Trey and I.
And lastly, we need to go away as a couple at least once a year, preferably, if one can afford the time and money, more than once a year. This will keep the insects and tiny animals like rats and squirrels at bay. If the children are stomping on the garden while playing ball ruining it we can fix it because we will be away, alone, spending time together. Feeding, nourishing, and loving on our garden and our marriage, watching it come back to life. If you are lucky enough to do this more than once a year think how beautiful your garden will be!
This is us on a date to Home depot then off to the movies! Time well spent!
I don't know much and by no means am I a counselor, but I do listen to my friends who have been in tough situations and I have looked back on my own marriage during tough times and it all pretty much came back to we were not spending good quality time together. One on one time that does not revolve around the kids, work, friends, fundraisers, or simple management of day to day life. Time, time, time. When Trey and I are in a rut and believe you me it has happened and I am sure it will again, it comes back to-WE HAVE STOPPED SPENDING MEANINGFUL TIME TOGETHER. Sure we were physically present, but not emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.
We were so young here! How fun to remember these times!
Think about your relationship when you first met and compare it to a brand new garden. That relationship took time to grow just like your garden. You were so excited to water it and see what would come up from the ground and you could not wait to get to know it more. Just like your spouse, you could not wait to get to know him/her more and your relationship grew into a beautiful marriage, just a like a new garden that you spent time in. In order to keep the garden beautiful you must be intentional with your efforts to keep it alive and the same goes for our marriages. We have to be intentional on our effort to spend meaningful time together.
Life has too many twist, turns, ups and downs, and curves that if we are not intentional about this time, we too can find our garden bored, dried up, and lifeless and in such bad shape we just want to quit and start over. A little secret my friend, quitting and starting over will still require you to invest intentional time in your new garden. So why don't you just do the work in your current garden. I know Trey and I have worked hard at ours and we will continue to, won't you join us?
xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
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What Is In Your Kid's Snowball?
What did you do this springbreak? I went with the whole family on a mission trip and you might be surprised in what I discovered....
In December Trey and I sat down with our two big boys, Will and John Paul, and talked with the boys about our plan for Spring Break. Trey flies for Southwest and as of recent they have started flying to Costa Rica. We thought it would be so cool to take the boys surfing, but both boys immediately shot down the idea saying they had already planned on going on mission with the Church. I honestly was taken back as they have been going on Mission for 5 years now. I thought this might be a good break, but no, they insisted. So we agreed of course, and decided against their will to join them. Plot twist! Just kidding! But in all seriousness, Trey had been before but I had not and really wanted to see why they were so adamant about going. We had to see if the Church would allow Graeme to attend, which they did happily, and the rest is history!
So this past weekend we all loaded up with about 120 other people. Mostly loud, obnoxious, full of life and jokes, teenagers and headed to San Antonio to do God's work for the people of San Antonio. BUT, what I was shocked and amazed by might surprise you.
When we got to San Antonio I was excited to see how God was going to bless each family who we were there to help, to see the end result of each house, hear the stories of how each team touched each family, and hear the kids saying how much fun they had! All that did happen but, something else did too.
When you think of mission trip what comes to mind? The definition of mission is: the vocation or calling of a religious organization, especially a Christian one, to go out into the world and spread its faith. Does this match up with yours?
I did see all of that, but I saw more. Every night after dinner we had worship and what happened each night in worship with our own was amazing. It was like a tiny snowball at the top of a hill on Sunday night, but by Thursday night it was this ENORMOUS snowball at the bottom of the hill that had rolled a little farther down the hill each night. Each night that ball collected more snow, more debris, and more momentum that by Thursday night it was so big and so full of stuff that had been picked up and taken to the bottom of the hill where it was safe.
You might be thinking at this point, "What the heck are you talking about Amy?" I am talking about our own kids. I am talking about their pain, their fears, their frustration, their joys, their hurts, their confusion, their hopes, their dreams, their desires, their wishes, their disappointments, the pressures they feel, from themselves and from us, I am talking about their beautiful minds, their amazing yet oh so fragile hearts, talking about how bad they are hurting. Our kids! Mine included! The ones who came to help are hurting too! This broke my heart each night as I looked around the room and saw tears and clenched jaws with anger.
I also saw friends loving on them, leaders loving on them. I saw the tears turn to tears of joy and the clenched jaws release and the shoulders relax. I saw the Holy Spirit and he was working overtime people! And let me tell you, this is not only a teenage girl thing which is what really shocked me. I saw teenage boys hurting like there was no tomorrow. This pain does not discriminate. This pain is not for the least popular. This pain is not for the acne ridden kid only. This confusion does not just say I am a female. The fear is not just in our boys. It is across the boards male and female. And I promise you the teenage hormones aren't the reason for these cries; Cries for love and a safe haven.
That is just what our kids received this week! Love! They got love and help from volunteers with NO skin in the game. What do I mean by this? I mean volunteers whose kids are grown with their own kids, or volunteers that are new fathers, so they come to learn how to be a better parent. Volunteers who are single with no kids and not on youth staff! These volunteers were there loving on our own and letting them know they are loved, they are worthy, they are safe, and they are supremely good. When they came to worship each night I saw the veil of pain, anger, and confusion slowly lift. Each night the kids were given the option to leave after the message and have free time or stay and worship with the band. Each night the group staying grew. Each night there were more tears because kids finally felt safe enough to let it go! They felt safe enough to find a leader or a pastor and they would release whatever it was and in return they would receive love. I can honestly say, by Thursday night each kid who did let their guard down had changed. A rejuvenation if you will. If tears came they were tears of happiness and relief and tears of knowing full well they are supremely good because they are made in the image of God.
Sure this did not happen with every kid there. IF I am being honest, as I sit here and write this, my heart hurts more for those who could not let their guard down. My prayer is someday they will, but I spent an entire week with our staff and I know first hand that until they do or do not this staff will love each and every kid right where they are. No matter how hard it is. That is how AMAZING our children's ministry is at HPUMC. Truly amazing! They love our kids hard and love our kids big! And for this I will be forever grateful!
Spring Break 2018 I tried something different. I went out of my comfort zone in a huge way and I had a blast! My dream is every parent in the metroplex who reads this will join me next year, whether it is at our church or yours! It was that good. I am smart enough to know that probably will not happen, but if I have one wish, it would be this post might stir something in a few of you to join me and let's partner with our churches and their youth staff and together we can encourage and love our youth. After all they are the future. Won't you join me and learn what is in your kiddo's snowball?
Until next time....
“You are loved beyond all measure. ”
xo,
Amy
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Proverbs 31.....Superhero or TOTAL Beat Down?
When you hear Proverbs 31 what do you think? If I am being honest I think, "Oh God, her again!"
It is Sunday morning and we are leaving for spring break and I am not going to lie to you; I am SPENT! Trey has been gone for 10 days and each kid had more than the norm AND I have to get the entire family ready for our mission trip, all the while still doing my daily routine of dance (thank God for this), get Grandpa, groceries, clean, laundry, walk the dog, cook dinner, etc. etc. etc. To say I am tired is an understatement. But by the ironic will of God when I got up this morning would you believe my quiet time included the Proverbs 31 woman.
If I am being honest, she is a total beat down for someone like me! She is a Domestic BADASS, who has her entire life put together! She gets up in the middle of the night, makes all meals for her family (and maids), and she gardens with bare hands on top of everything else. Verse 17 says she girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. To me that says she works out and keeps her body in check. She stays up late making clothes on an ancient spindle, feeds the poor, and reaches out to the needy. OH and those clothes she makes, she sells them too and makes money! She is IMPOSSIBLE to live up to, however with a little study time I was surprised by what I found.
Proverbs 31 is a poem meant to explain women of strength. Not a lesson for women on how to land a man, get married to him, have kids and take up the loom. The subject of this poem is a woman of noble character. It is meant to be a tangible expression of what wisdom looks like: Bravery, faithfulness, guts, kindness, grace. A woman of valor. The poet uses flowery words to basically describe the achievements of an upper class Jewish wife, keeping her household functioning daily, on top of managing and investing money, feeding her family, and preparing for each and every season of life. It's purpose is to draw attention to the overlooked glory of the everyday. I realized when I got deeper in to my study it is not meant to be interpreted as a job description, its purpose is to celebrate women. A strong, dignified, multi-talented, caring woman who is an individual in her own right.
The target audience for Proverbs 31 is a man, and not so he can go have his checklist of what to expect from his future wife. I learned from Rachel Held Evans that in ancient times jewish men memorized this poem and sang it as a song of praise to the women in their lives; wives, daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, all women! Memorized it and sang it to them! I can't imagine my husband doing this, but oh how I would relish in it if he did! And another fun fact is the only verse that has ANY kind of instruction in it is a verse directed at men! It says: “Praise her for all her hands have done.” All these years I have looked at this passage as a command to women and not as an ode to women! What a difference those two words are. Command means: give an authoritative order, Ode means: a lyric poem in the form of an address to a particular subject. What a refreshing difference. Proverbs 31 is a song through which a man offers a woman praise it is NOT a task list through which a woman earns it.
Proverbs 31 celebrates women of Valor. I love that! Valor: great courage in the face of danger, especially in battle. This poem is meant to celebrate who we are as women! Not who we or anyone else thinks we should be or do. It is meant to say here is how we praise and celebrate a woman- a woman of Valor. It is meant for men to affirm the women in their lives. It is meant for women to affirm the women in their lives. It is meant for us to know as a woman no matter how small and insignificant the task may be do it with valor. If you are a stay at home mom, make breakfast with Valor! If you are a barista at Starbucks, make the grande latte with Valor! If you are a teacher, multiply with Valor! If you are a doctor, save with valor or lawyer, argue with Valor! Whatever it is, as a woman, this poem reminds us to do it with Valor!
Look, the bible is not a blueprint or a list of bullet points of how to live, it is basically a collection of stories that look like real life. I promise you, you DO NOT have to be a proverbs 31 women to be a woman of valor. All you have to be is you and all you have to do is love! Love is what it means to be biblical-love is our highest calling. Love God and Love thy neighbor. Love-that my friend is a woman of valor. It doesn't have to be some chic that makes her own clothes and kneads her own bread, although if you do that, make sure to do it with valor! So as I sit here reflecting on my study, I sit here feeling like a BADASS! That's right girls! A BADASS! I know I love my family, I love my friends, I love my neighbor, and I love God and now reading the poem I realize that is all it takes to be a Proverbs 31 woman!
xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
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F.E.A.R.
What does FEAR look like for you? For me it is ugly and it is real. Today I will share with you my biggest fears and what I am doing to combat those.
Fear! What does this word mean to you? For me Fear is a nasty word. It is what keeps me up at night. It it was makes me freeze on decisions or getting things done. It is what causes me anxiety, panic, or feelings of guilt and loneliness. It is one ugly word and emotion if you ask me.
The true definition of fear is:
An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.
The feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone.
The likelihood of something unwelcome happening.
And last but not least a mixed feeling of dread and reverence.
Fear is ugly. Fear is unforgiving and fear is daunting. What is it we fear? For me it was:
F. Future: The what if's.
E. Evil: It is everywhere.
A. Abuse: Of substances.
R. Rejection: From people
Yep! There you have it! These are the things that use to freeze me! These things use to keep me up! And sometimes they still do. True confession! The future can give me so much anxiety and not for me, but for my kids.
As a mom, I'm constantly living in fear for them! Maybe you share the same fears and together we will see we are not alone. Maybe you will think I am nuts and hey, that is ok! And maybe you will question me since I talk about my faith so much, but there is a devil and he finds his way into my life and the battle is constant.
Let's look at MY FEAR.
F
Future. Yall I am not kidding you when I tell you God and I have an ongoing conversation about the future. I find myself talking to him daily, begging him to allow Trey and I the opportunity to grow old together, watching each boy grow up doing what they love; to marry a person of God that he is preparing for them; having children all the while Trey and I getting to be a part of their lives. Already having one baby in heaven has created consistent fear of loss forcing a fight to put my boys future in God's hands.
E
Evil! It is a raging monster, lurking in the media, schools, homes, places you expect to be safe, but are really the safe haven for the beast... Evil scares me. Evil that could happen to my kids. Evil that could happen to me. Evil that could happen to my marriage. Evil that could happen to you. It is real, it is present, and it is everywhere just waiting to pounce.
A
Abuse. Substance abuse is something common in most if not all families. Often times it is not as profound, but I bet it is there. As my boys have become teenagers this is a constant fear of mine. At this day and age they could take the bait and think they are just going to "try" something. Something that leads to the big monster of addiction. I have seen it in our family and it scares me that it could happen to one of our own. It is a concern that keeps me up at night and on my knees praying, "Please God do not let this happen to our kids."
R
Rejection. Rejection from Trey because my youthful appearance and figure is slowly fading. Rejection from my kids due to misunderstandings on both sides. Rejection from my friends because I am not pretty enough, cool enough, funny enough, or whatever enough! Rejection, a sucky word with all kinds of angst.
When I sit here and evaluate my fears of the future, I realize some have relentless thoughts rattling through their heads of regret. At this moment in my life I can honestly say I am ok with the past, but that can change at anytime. For now most of my real fears are for the future, and maybe that is in part because I am a mom...I don't know.
In my journey in understanding my fear I have started a ritual. First thing in the morning I get up, push start on the coffee maker, and sit down in our recliner and spend a minimum of 15 minutes with the Lord. I have a beautiful daily devotional that I dig into and really read and listen to what God is saying to me. Before I open it though, I ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit, and open my ears to what God has for me to hear. What I have found by doing this is I am actually wanting to dig into the stories of the bible more. I am not about to sit here and say I can recite bible verses, but I can share stories now which is very exciting for this ex-Catholic! I am here to tell you, the Bible is a fascinating book. Filled with all kinds of nuggets of wisdom and hope.
I have to also confess that this little ritual of mine did not happen that long ago. It came to me in the throws of my depression and grief from the loss of my mom. This past summer I decided I needed something. I did not know what it was, but I needed something. I tried to dance away the pain, binge watch mindless tv, eat away the pain, drink away the pain, whatever away the pain, but the pain was not leaving and something was tugging at my soul. My boys were becoming teenagers and all those fears above started rearing their ugly thoughts and I needed something. It was the perfect storm of fear, loss, and grief.
What changed? Well, one day while I was losing myself in the abyss of facebook. I saw a post from a friend who lost her son, my biggest fear. This friend of mine was handling it with a grace that was UNBELIEVABLE! Reading about her walk in her faith amongst my biggest fear and amongst her loss, well something in me came alive. She spoke of a particular author and book she was reading to help her through her time of loss and I ordered it right then and there. It was then that I started my routine and then my fears started to lose their grip. The hold they had on me started to fade and my faith started to grow. It was then that I felt God for the first time in a long time and it was then that I started seeing my anxiety go down and my peace go up. Want to know what else happened. My definition of FEAR changed:
F
Fierce. God's love is more fierce than my worst fear and more fierce than your worst fear.
E
Eager. God is eager to have a relationship with me and with you!
A
Amazing: God's grace is so amazing and bigger than my greatest regret and bigger than your greatest regret!
R
Reckless: God's love is overwhelming reckless for you and for me!
Bottom line, what happened, God happened!
What is your FEAR? Is it what mine use to be and can still be at times? Is your fear regret? Whatever it is, might I suggest you taking some time daily to be in quiet and listen and see if you start to feel God's love. Make your own effort to sit down in the quiet and watch the miracles happen.
Until next time!
xo,
Amy
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This is a Mistake....Just Roll With It!
This past week, I did something that really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Like really pushed me.
Wow! Last week was a whirlwind for my family! We had two birthday's, Trey and my middle son JP, we had our typical soccer games, soccer practices, dance and acting lessons, and the list goes on and on as I am sure many of your list do too! However, I personally had a solid win last week! One I would love to share with you! Do you guys remember me talking to you about no resolutions this year? Only Wins! If you do not or you did not see it, you can read all about at this link https://worthyheart.com/blog/2018/1/3/hows-that-working-for-ya
This past week, I did something that really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Like really pushed me. I was asked to lead a small group for a women's retreat at our church. First thing you got to know is I am not in any small groups at our church and when Hannah sent an email a month ago asking I seriously thought to myself, "This is a mistake. There are like 5 Amy Berry's in this zip code alone! All of which go to this church! One of which works at the church! This is a mistake! I was raised Catholic! This is a mistake! I don't know Scripture! This is a mistake!" Of course I panicked and of coursed I asked Trey, "What do I do? Do I say, Hannah, are you sure you got the right Amy Berry?" Of course Trey said a resounding, "NO! This will be an amazing opportunity for you." So I just shrugged my shoulders and thought ok. Probably is a mistake, but I will roll with this. I am trying to get closer to the Lord, I am trying to grow in my faith, I will do this! So I said yes and I said yes with enthusiasm and wrote it about it on my blog! You can catch that here: https://worthyheart.com/blog/2018/1/21/sister-up
The honest truth behind writing that post was to get at least one friend to come with me. Which did not happen! Ha, but, I knew it would be a stretch, because it is almost an entire weekend, but, I did that because I was scared. I did not want to go into a women's retreat alone! Especially with 200 plus strangers and all of them women. Yall that honestly sounded SCARY to me! I don't know why, but it did. Women scare me in groups. That is the truth. Sometimes, they can be so fun and so empowering and other times they can be so mean and degrading so I was scared and I wrote the post thinking if I have one friend, I can do this. Well, that did not work out for me. The good news is, in writing that post I realized that women need each other and I needed this retreat, so I did not chicken out.
I had to read my post a few times to remind myself how empowering we women can be, but I did it and I did it with enthusiasm and fear and I walked away from this weekend so full and so nourished and so loved. I learned so much about me, about others, about the bible, about Jesus's love for me, about coping, about empathy, about raw honesty, about women in numbers, about sisters in christ, about what hatred can do to tear sisters apart, about how communion is just a tiny taste of a crumb of what the banquet will be like, about forgiveness of yourself, about boundaries if you are in bad relationships, yall even about how women of the 70's could not even get a credit card in their own name! Say what!!!!!! I mean I learned and I learned some more and some more and some more and I grew! Boy did I grow!
Me and my AMAZING small group!
I had the most amazing small group! They were so kind and loving and patient! We had 9 women, each of us from a different backgrounds, different generations, and most importantly different stories! I learned as women we all have a story and most of our stories have pain. I watched as we slowly opened up about our story and who we were and an amazing beautiful thing happen with my group. Jesus filled our room and we all became connected. We all looked at each other and felt love, we saw the face of God in each of us. We all were sitting there with either fresh open wounds or wounds from the past and Jesus held our group in his arms and the love that surrounded us was something I cannot even begin to describe. I am in tears writing about it now.
Yall! Every woman has a story! And it is amazing when you really stop to listen to someone's story, I mean really stop to listen, what miracles come from it. Every Woman has a story and that story is important. Your story is important! Who are your sisters? Who can you turn to? Who can you get down and dirty with and show your ugliest side? Your fears, your hurts, your disappointments? Who? If you have no one, again I would love to softly and quietly whisper, find a church you are comfortable in. This can take time and work, but the joys and love that come from this will be amazing. Trust me. Get out of your comfort zone and do like I did. Just roll with it.
One last funny: Remember at the begininng of this post when I said I really thought Hannah made a mistake....well, I am 100 percent convinced she did because my name tag was on the floor by me and one of my group members, who is VERY involved at the church, picked it up and said, "OH Amy lost her name tag, I have to get this to her." Yall she was looking at me saying it not knowing my last name was Berry! I chuckled and said that was me and there are like 5 other Amy Berry's and we went on.....you know what that was.....that was a wink from God saying "Well done Amy, you did it and you got this and watch the miracles happen this weekend!" And boy did they!
xo,
Amy
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15 Years Ago Today, Our World Was Forever Changed and Forever Blessed!
I can't believe that 15 years ago today, I woke up at 5:00 am to realize I was in labor. Again, 6 weeks early to the day like his brother and literally 14 months after having his brother! John Paul decided today was his day to make his appearance!
I can't believe that 15 years ago today, I woke up at 5:00 am to realize I was in labor. Again, 6 weeks early to the day like his brother and literally 14 months after having his brother! John Paul decided today was his day to make his appearance! And boy did he! He was maybe the most beautiful new born I have ever seen! Truly! But, he was by far the most difficult baby in the womb. I mean yall, I was sick EVERY day! I weighed maybe 125 lbs the day he was born and to put that into perspective for you I weigh about 150 to 152 lbs depending on the day! So as you can see I was SERIOUSLY sick. Thank God I had the most amazing doctor and home care nurse known to man. They truly were an incredible team and they truly were amazing! I will forever be grateful to them. But, the point is, 15 years ago today our world was forever changed and forever blessed.
My amazing nurse Teresa and my beautiful mom and I.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant with JP. I had just returned from a trip to Colorado to spread the ashes of a very dear friend of mine and I was already emotionally wrought. When I took the test and it showed up positive I crumbled. I remember looking at Will who was only 7 months old at the time and thinking, "How can I ever love another child?" I am sure other mothers can testify that this is a real fear. One that is healthy, but I promise you the minute the second baby is born it is a fear that fades away into the world like it never even happened. I can tell you that I love my JP every bit as much as I love his brother Will. Heck if we are being honest somedays he is my favorite, other days Will is my favorite, and still other days Graeme is my favorite! It all depends on who is behaving! Just kidding! Kind of! I love them all so much and I love my JP so much! I digressed again!
Back to the morning of February 21. I remember I woke up and I had a horrible dream. It was actually a dream about me having a baby. Only in my dream JP was a little girl and she was born still born and my childhood neighbor was helping deliver her. She kept saying to me she was with God she did not want to be in this world. I remember waking up crying and seeing that it was 5:03 am and pop! My water broke! I leaned over and told Trey it was go time. We of course were not ready as it was 6 weeks too early, but I remember he was so great with me though and reassured me all would be ok.
My mom was with us as I had been so sick that our parents took turns coming to stay with us and help to take care of Will. That was a bonus being I was so scared and I really loved having my mom there. On the way to the hospital I remember crying and Trey kept telling me everything was going to be great. I did not have the heart to tell him about my dream. I was TERRIFIED and this baby was coming and there was no time to really think about it. We did not know the sex of JP so it really was scary because I had no idea if he was a boy or a girl. I kept praying to myself, "God please no....don't let this be a still born little girl....please God. Please let this baby be healthy. Please God Please!" That is all I kept praying.
My mom and John Paul the day we brought him home from the hospital. Look at the love in her eyes.
I will spare you all the details of the delivery because honestly it was pretty non eventful, which is a great thing! I do remember my sweet mom having a hard time watching me in pain and watching me push, but our neighbor Kerry, who happened to be a nurse, and my nurse Teresa did a great job of shielding her and tending to her. I am so glad she had them because they talked her through everything so she was able to stay in the room and she was with us the moment our beautiful son JP was born. What a miracle and what a blessing! And to have my mom there made it even more special! Sure she had birthed four kids of her own, but watching her grandson come into the world she said was a day that she would never forget and she would always cherish.
I remember the moment the doctor said, "We have a baby!" And my husband literally yelled, "Is it a hang down or a split tail doc?!" For real yall! I have it on video somewhere! She looked at me with a beautiful smile (chuckling) and said, "It's a boy! A beautiful little boy!" And he was so beautiful! Will had to be sucked out so he had a little cone head, but somehow my sweet JP's tiny little head was perfect and round and he was stunning! And would you believe that he was born at 2:10 PM, weighed 5 lbs, 10 ounces and was 19 inches long and Will Berry was born at 2:10 AM, weighed 5 lbs, 10 ounces and was 19 inches long. And they BOTH were born 6 weeks early to the day! I think that is so cool!
15 years ago today I was blessed with our second son and blessed with the gift of JP and what a gift he is. He has grown into such an amazingly talented young man with such a bright future ahead of him! Ever since the day he was born I have tried to be the best parent I can be. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING and having TWO babies REALLY changes everything! Priorities shift... and the day JP was born my priorities changed to not only Will, but Will and JP and our precious family.
Priorities of helping them feel important, empowering them, teaching them about Jesus, finding time for the things that matter to each of them. Laughing with them, crying with them, growing with them, listening to them, and all the moments in between. Sure we disagree and my biggest fear when this happens is do they know that even in disappointments I love them? Do they know that I will make mistakes or they will make mistakes, but, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM. No matter what, I love them! Do they know this? That is the priority! Love! Unconditional love.
So, as I reflect back on the last 15 years, I sit here in awe. I am in awe of the young man JP has become and I can't wait to see what the future has in store for him. I know my boy is a star and he has such a beautiful future ahead of him. The world is his and I pray every day he realizes how loved he is, how amazing he is, and how he can be and do anything he wants to!
Happy Birthday my JP Bear! Believe in yourself JP and you WILL be unstoppable! I believe in you!
All my Love,
Mom
Hello, World!
Don't Give Up on Joy
"I'm free... Don't give up... I've got stamina..."
When I started my planning for this month on the blog, I started with the idea of writing about what I love. We are in the month of February after all. One thing I have really enjoyed on my blogging journey and truly fallen in love with is highlighting people in my life that I am so blessed to know. People who have blessed me and others in various ways. It brings so much joy to my soul to share with you all stories from my AMAZING friends and today is no different. I am just giddy writing about this person!
So far you have learned about my friend who has taken on a holistic lifestyle. You have learned about my friend who lost his wife and befriended a homeless man who gave him life. You have learned about an amazing little girl with the heart the size of heaven. You have learned about my social media guru, and lastly about my dear friend who lost four children and still finds joy in life. For the most part there is a common thread. The thread of suffering, but still finding joy. Not giving up. Living through the suffering and even being thankful in it at times.
Today is no different. Today I want to introduce you to yet another amazing individual who has endured some really tough times, but has emerged with joy. She is raw, she is vulnerable, she is wise beyond her years, and she is joyful! Today I want to introduce you to Dresha!
Dresha and I met this past summer at dance and we immediately connected. One day I shared with her my dream of writing and she said, "Do it! I blog, you should too! And I will help you!" Yall, she came over that day and the rest was history. I will forever be grateful to her for helping me take the first steps.
Dresha's blog, which is titled Joy Speaks, is a bit different in that her mission is:
Joy Speaks aims to penetrate the world with the sweet, raw truths of the gospel. Through testimonial videos (Coming in 2018), building community relationships and service, we aim to place the gospel in places untouched while striving to create disciples and leaders of the current and next generation.
In January, Dresha wrote a post that really spoke to me, like really spoke to me. When you read it below and watch her video I know you will understand why, but I asked her that day if I could share it. Of course she said yes and I feel like this month is the perfect month! I hope you will take a moment and read her post below and watch her video. I promise you will not be disappointed!
Don't Give Up...
Is what I had to tell myself every single day after a string of unfortunate events ending out the year of 2017. Grief would strike during an already weak season of my life, and I found it so incredibly hard to wake up to a purpose every morning. Mentally I was starting to tap out, seeing all that I had accomplished to a certain degree, deeming it acceptable - enough. I had graduated college, went to graduate school, loved hard, reconciled some relationships and led others to Christ. According to the detached version of myself, I had done just enough to get by and lived through many varying degrees of sadness and mourning.
I was aimlessly driving around one night when the song 'The Greatest" came on my shuffled playlist. I've heard the song a million times, but this particular night the words were striking against my soul hard. "I'm free... Don't give up... I've got stamina..." the words kept playing over in my head as I slowly traced them next to my circumstances. I was down, but I wasn't out. Recognizing the attack on my mental health, I saw myself slipping down a path I had abandoned years ago.
With my head spinning in space, I remember just 'seeing' people dancing. Not necessarily me, but people, moving to the song and it brought me so much joy. I wanted to escape and join them to experience the freedom that they had. I was about three plays in when I realized I had an entire routine choreographed in my head. So naturally, I kept replaying it over and over making sure it stuck.
I called up a few friends of mine to help bring it to life, just like I saw in my head that night. Thank you, Corinne, Kali, Carlos, Jay & Aneth for sharing your passion for dance with me! <3
I hope you enjoyed today's blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. You can follow Dresha at Facebook.com/joyspeaks1 and on instagram at @audresha.joyspeaks
Until next time!
xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
Hello, World!
A Love Letter to Trey
When I started my blog and my writing I made a pact with my husband I would not air any of our dirty laundry. I am very open as most of you know by now and Trey's one request is that I would respect our "stuff." I agreed with him, but with the knowledge of knowing at some time I would have to make it very clear that our marriage is not a story book marriage.
When I started my blog and my writing I made a pact with my husband I would not air any of our dirty laundry. I am very open as most of you know by now and Trey's one request is that I would respect our "stuff." I agreed with him, but with the knowledge of knowing at some time I would have to make it very clear that our marriage is not a story book marriage.
No marriage that I know of is and we are no different. We have our ups and downs. Our good times and our bad times. We have our scary moments and our moments of sheer joy. What I think sets us apart from some marriages is that A. we never forget who is at the center of our marriage, God, and B. We never quit on each other. I mean seriously people, if we did not have God at the center of our marriage, our marriage would of been over so long ago. Promise. It is just too hard in this broken world and without God we would be so lost and it would be so easy to just quit. But we don't. So today I want to thank my husband for not quitting ever.
Dear Trey,
It's Valentines Day! A day for love and romance. After 17 years of marriage and really almost 26 years together since we met, I realize how lucky I am and that it is not just about the love and romance. The romance comes and goes in a fleeting moment, but what you and I have....well, that has stood some test that would shake any relationship to it's core and we have managed to somehow come out of it stronger. Why? I firmly believe it starts with our faith in God and I know I have you to thank for that. Sure my parents did a great job while I was growing up to get me to church and Sunday school. They prayed over meals with me and at bedtime and I do think that set my foundation, but being married to you has been what has really challenged me in my faith and I mean this in a good way. I will never forget when I got really sick in college and you wrote me a get well card that said, "I will be praying for you." I thought that was weird! A junior in college is going to pray for me? Little did I know that was a glimpse into your passion for Christ. As we got to know each other more and I got to witness first hand your love for God and I too began to grow in my faith. Watching you made me want to be better. Watching you made me want to know God more. Watching you made me want to really have a faith and really trust in God. You pushed me in my faith in times when I was frozen or had my back to it. You never gave up on me in my walk and if I fall short again I still don't think you will give up on me. Through you I have learned so much about grace, about forgiveness, about true love, and about faith. For this I will forever be grateful. I grow to love you more everyday and I did not think this was possible, but it is true. Naturally we have difficult moments where I wonder, "how are we going to make it through this time?" And I know unfortunately there will be more of those moments in the future, but I would not trade any of it for the world because I do think it is part of our love story and part of our journey. There is no one else in the world who I would want to travel this path with but you, because Trey Berry, I love you and I am proud of the husband you are and so very proud of the father you are. I love you more today than I did yesterday and less than I will tomorrow! I love you big!
LYMSIL,
Amy
Hello, World!
Hello, World!
What Do You Radiate?
It's all about the law of radiation and attraction....You get what you give in life....give love.
It's Valentines Day in a few days! Have you even wondered where on earth or who on earth came up with this day? I know I have, so I took a few minutes and researched it a bit and I found it very interesting and ironic really. Did you know it started as a Roman tradition many many many many years ago?! And it was said to have been in mid February to signify the coming of spring. Unfortunately for us this year, our dear friend the ground hog saw his shadow.....so we are out of luck, but with that being said that is one of the reasons Valentines Day was first started.
However, did you know Valentine's Day has a dark side to it as well? It is said that way back when, Emperor Claudius II executed two men-both named Valentine on February 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. The Catholic Church, believe it or not, deemed February 14 the day of romance named for their Christian Martyr's. I find this so odd and ironic seeing that priest cannot even get married, but hey that is beside the point. The point is, these poor guys were beheaded for helping Christian couples wed. So Valentines day was not made up by some genius who is making a ton a money, which is what I originally thought. No, February has been celebrated for many a years as the month of romance, and Valentines day as we know it today contains traces of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
After learning the roots of Valentines, I do understand now why we celebrate it the way we do. I also understand however, that it still leaves some people feeling empty. That makes me sad. I remember many a Valentine where I was left feeling empty thinking I had no one to love me romantically. I was very blessed in I knew my parents, family, and friends loved me, but think of those who feel alone all the way around? It is my guess in this broken world and in this world that feeds us so many lies, there will be a lot of people hurting Wednesday February 14. Maybe even those who have someone to love them. You never know what is going on behind that smile or in someone's heart.
It's the law of radiation and attraction my dear.....
So I want to challenge myself and all my readers to really embrace something I was raised on. My dad always said to me, "Amy, it is the law of radiation and attraction, you get what you give in life.....you give love, you get love, you give hate, you get hate."
I want to challenge us all, on this Valentines, to do a few things. Dress the part if you can. Wear something pink or red. This is the easiest way to spread Valentine's cheer, but I want us all to pay it forward somehow. Whether it is a smile to a stranger, letting that aggressive driver in, paying for the car behind you's coffee, or just giving a hug to your bagger at the supermarket. Do something kind for someone outside of your circle today. You will be surprised at the feeling that wells up inside of you. That feeling is called love.
If you are alone on this day, treat yourself to the spa, or that piece of cake you would never eat. Take a long walk or drive and look at the beauty of the world. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. After all you too are worthy of love. We all are and we are all in this day together so let's spread love. Remember....whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting....Let's all love.....love hard....love pure....because people are worthy of love.
xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
Who was I?
Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?-Danielle La Porte
Do you remember who you were before the world got a hold of you? Think about it for a minute. Meditate on it.....Now think about who you have become. Do you like what you see, what you feel? I know I do now, BUT it has been a long time coming that is for sure.
Life is hard and the world is hard on us, which makes us become hard on ourselves. For some reason we stop opening our hearts and we stop being who we are meant to be and we become frozen in who the world tells us to be. Why? I believe there a lot of reasons and I am old enough that I cannot fall on the blaming the "technology train. " There was T.V. back when I was growing up and magazine stands and somewhere along the line, the beautiful Marliyn Monroe faded into the sunset and our idea of beauty and power became the cover of every magazine.
We have lost touch of what beauty on the inside is because we are so focused on what beauty on the outside is and how maybe that could bring us power. I know I was terrified of life and being who I am really am on the inside. Which honestly is so much more beautiful than what is on the outside. Think about it. How many people have ever said to you, "Your outside beauty brought me so much courage and strength, that I know I can get through this situation!" SAID NO ONE EVER! Well maybe someone has, but I can assure no one has ever said that to me.
I know I use to think if I was just pretty enough someone would love me, but guess what, how could they if I did not love myself? Loving myself had nothing to do with the size of my jeans or the tight tummy I had and could show off in bikinis. Believe it or not, I am more confident now in my bikini and I have little jiggle in each every step! You know why that jiggle makes me happy? Because I have three miracles to show for it and one in heaven. I could lose that jiggle if I really wanted to. That would require some extra work and honestly I am ok not being a size 2-4 anymore, as long as I am healthy, fit and happy. I truly am, but it is because I am going back to my roots
What was I like? I can tell you I was creative, I was spontaneous, and I had a sense of adventure in me. When I look back over the years and try to discern how I lost it, it always seems to come back to outwardness. If I was this size, if I wore this, if I had this skin care, if I have this friend, if I do this volunteer job or committee, if I get invited to this event.....if....if....if.....when I look at all those if's I see sadness, fear, loneliness, and doubt written all over my face, even when I was smiling. I see a little girl trying to live up to the world's expectations and not to who she was brought to this earth to be. Sure I thought I was a badass and beautiful, but I was honestly terrified and frozen and probably did not even know it a lot of the time.
Then mom got sick and my world went upside down, but a beautiful thing happened....she and I would talk about the past and remember things I did and loved. I started remembering my roots.
I started to realize how much I miss that girl, the one I tried to hide because the world might think she is strange, different, or no fun. I realized I needed her. I needed her confidence, her free spirit, her passion, her fire, her creativity and sense of adventure. I needed her to show me that I did not need the next drink to be fun and people to like me. I needed her to show me that yes going to bible study actually was a fun thing and very healthy for my mind. I needed her to say, yes go to a dance class. Have fun, you can do it, and you will love it! I needed her to remind me of what and who my priorities are and that my friends will love me regardless. I needed her to remind me, when my priorities are in tact, I can say no because I don't need affirmation from others just because my name was on some committee or because I got invited to some event. I needed her to remind me that while I do have many responsibilities in life, I need to make space for myself....whether that is through, dance, writing, spending time alone, or with others, I need to remember to love me. Then and only then can others love me. I want to bring back the good parts of my old self!
I want to mold my old self with the wisdom I have gained in my new self over the years through good times and bad, sad and happy times, healthy and not so healthy times. I want to be more open and passionate about my life. I want love and respect who I have become. I have decided to bring back the best of the old me and blend it with the best of my new self and even though I am no longer a size 2-4 I am happy and confident and I am ready to love me.
So my challenge for you my dear reader is, during this beautiful month of February. let's all remember who we were before the world told us who we should be. Let's bring back the good parts of us and mold them with the beautiful parts of who we are now and let's watch the miracles unfold when you really do become our true selves.
For as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "To be true to yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
xo,
Amy
Valentines Day? Who Came Up With This?
Who came up with the concept of Valentines Day? And Why? This year I am determined to look at valentines through a different lens! Won't you join me?
I use to hate the month of February! When I was single that is and at the beginning of our marriage due to ridiculous expectations! I mean who made up Valentine's Day anyway? Whoever did, they were really smart and I am jealous because the idea of Love is one everyone understands. Right?
Let's face it, we all want to be loved and if we are really being honest we all want to be loved in a magical, romantic way. I know I do, but full disclosure here, I married a man whose love language is not romance and definitely not gift giving. Mine is, maybe that is why I get caught and wrapped up in it. However, I married a man whose love language is time. It took a lot of years for me to embrace this and not get my feelings hurt. That is why I use to hate this month. The month of February puts so much pressure on anyone and everyone who wants to be loved romantically. So I decided to take this month at a different angle and embrace the word love, but take out the word romance in my head. This is hard when hallmark like commercials are on TV, but I can do it and so can you if you are anything like me.
I have decided this month, I will focus on love, but what I love and why I love it. I mean everything from my family to food and anything in between. This month, you guys will learn what really makes me tick and why. Some of it might be funny while some of it might be serious, but maybe you will get to know me a little more and maybe through it we will get passed the notion of Valentines has to be for lovers only and make Valentines fun for all!
I want to start off with talking to you about my new found love for writing. I LOVE writing. I love pouring my heart into what I write and sharing my stories, thoughts, pains, passions, and dreams, as well as others dreams and desires. There are so many good people in this world doing good that I really get a kick out of highlighting them and their passion. It feels good to help someone else pursue their dreams even if it only touches one person. And let's face it....it is so much better to hear feel good stories or stories about people doing good than what the daily news provides us! Right?
I love talking openly to you about my hurts and my disappointments. Why? Honestly, it is cathartic in a weird way, but inevitably someone usually, not always, ends up touched by what I am struggling with or they offer me some good advice or my pain might help that person if they are walking in my shoes to know they are not alone. It is really a magical thing when you feel like you are all alone in your hurt and you open it up to the world and someone says, "hey you are not alone." Something happens on the inside that makes you say, "I can do this and everything will be ok." After all, isn't that what we all want. To know we are ok?
I know it is what I needed when I was walking (I still am walking) through the grief of losing my mom. It helped me to hear stories from others in my shoes. It helped me to know that yes it does take a stupid long time to get through it. It was my mom and she was my best friend. I use to feel guilty for playing the dead mom card (terrible wording I know, but it is truth) months after she had passed. Then one reader messaged me and said, "hey this a long process when you lose a mom. Text books tell you give yourself 12-18 months, but I would tell you give yourself whatever you need." That helped me. That helped me see it is okay to still miss her EVERY day and once I gave myself that permission, I was able to live joyfully even in one of my greatest losses.
I love writing to you about my three greatest joys! Will, JP, and Graeme. I love sharing what I am reading and what I am cooking! I just love sharing! Not that I am that interesting, but I will say, when I do share something, whether it is positive or a trying situation, just the simple act of me writing about it and sharing it helps me grow! I realize every time I write a story how blessed I am. Blessed in general, blessed with you as an audience who can lift me up or offer advice, and blessed to have the ability to even do just that, write!
So this month I am choosing to write about love, not the romantic kind, but the kind that makes you happy like chocolate, or the kind that helps you heal, like writing, or the kind that makes you want to get up daily and see what the day shall bring, like my kids....This month I will share with you most of my loves! So grab a box of chocolates and sit back and enjoy!
xo,
Amy
Jesus, A Red Ball, and A Puffer Fish
Have you ever stopped to think that everyone has a story? I mean my bagger at Tom Thumb Kennith has a story, my boss Alana has a story, my friend Ginger has a story, you have a story, I have a story....we all have a story. Today I want to introduce you to one remarkable lady. A lady who let me tell you has a story! A story that will at first fascinate you, then drive you to tears, then laughter, then amazement! But in the end, her story will leave you knowing you are loved. We are all loved. God loves you! God has the courage and strength you need in any and all circumstances. We just need to borrow some courage from Him and watch what happens.
Meet sweet Tova! Tova has a smile that will light up the room and Tova has a story that will touch your heart at it's core. That is what happened to me when I first met Tova in 2010 at Highland Park United Methodist Church and I remember thinking, "I like this chic. I get her! I need to be her friend! She gets me! Or at least she will once she meets me! Ha!" Fast forward to literally the morning of our anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I found out she wrote a book. I looked immediately ordered the book and reached out to her and asked if she would write a guest post. I explained to her that all those years ago she really touched me and really brought me out of a dark place. I had lost a child and she had no idea, but I had actually borrowed courage from her. You see she was a pastor at the church when we decided HPUMC was our home. So I will forever be grateful for her inspiration, her teaching, and her love. So as I was saying earlier....Meet Tova.....
TOVA SIDO
For years close friends, family - quite frankly, a lot of people would say to me – “T, you HAVE GOT to write a book and tell your story!” I would internally roll my eyes and politely respond by saying, “Oh I would never do that!” The truth was, I had never really been comfortable with “my story” – and well so many things were so damn sad that the thought of sitting down and reliving it while writing it sounded absolutely miserable. For years – with a lot of therapy and even more of Jesus - I had worked through so much of that pain, why on earth would I ever dig up those dry bones and bring that pain back to the surface?
But the undeniable truth is this – in January of 2014 the Lord woke me out of a dead sleep (this is often how He choses to speak to me) and told me, “T, it’s time to write that book. It’s time to tell people what I have done in your life.” I had to admit that this wasn’t just my story, this was God’s story – and I had to be obedient.
Some people would call themselves authors or writers. I am neither one of those. In fact my spelling and grammar is dreadful. I use WAY too many dashes and dots, have to spell check everything, and most of my sentences are run ons. So you can imagine me sitting in front of my computer the next day. I just kinda stared at it. For a long time. How would I start? WHERE would I start? What was the title? What would even be the point? I had no idea. So I said a prayer, took a deep breath and just started typing.
My deepest fears about writing my story were actualized. It was hard. And I cried and cried. And cried some more. I cried because well, here’s the cold hard truth about my story…..I :
Grew up in an abusive home
Have a mom who fought cancer for 14 years and died at the age of 53
Have a dad who left my mom for another women while she was in the hospital
Had a stillborn
Had a miscarriage
Buried my son Charlie who lived 8 months
Buried my daughter Louisa who also only lived 8 months
Am divorced
I mean is that sexy or what? Some resume……
But here’s the deal. It’s not the WHOLE story.
As I was writing the book I remembered when I was a little kid how incredibly petrified I was of storms. When I was in the second grade I had just moved from New Mexico to Texas and a terrible storm ripped through my school and stole my playground. I was so scared in tornado position that day I actually peed my pants (for good reason I left that part out of the book). After that I was never the same with storms. At the first crack of thunder or lightening I would race in to my parents room – anytime of day or night – and say to my dad “Daddy, I’m scared”. My daddy would crawl out of bed, put on a shirt and come and sit at the front storm window with me. We would count lightening and thunder and would watch the storms roll through. All those spring nights full of Texas storms I would borrow courage from my daddy until it was safe for me to go back to bed.
When we are young we are lucky because when we are scared or lost or sad or broken we have big people from whom we can borrow courage – a mommy, daddy, teacher, coach, grandma, grandpa. If you fall they will help you back up – if you were sad – well, they wipe tears – and if you are afraid, they will count the space between thunder and lightening until you’re not afraid anymore.
Adults oftentimes aren’t so lucky. The dreaded storm often rolls in and because we no longer have anyone to borrow courage from – we crumble. Jesus was so dang smart He actually warned us that this could happen in the gospel of Matthew. He said this, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
It fell with a great crash.
That’s what happens without Jesus.
You know the amazing thing about what Jesus promises us is what the storm will look like with him – and what the storm will look like without him. I guess the whole thing strikes me because Jesus is telling us…….the storms will come…….
Some people think storms shouldn’t come with Jesus. It’s kind of a silly thought when you consider the storms that Jesus endured. Even Jesus. Why should or would we ever be exempt?
The storms will come. And when they come, our life resumes can take a hit. Those “hits” are different for all of us. For some it’s cancer, infidelity, bankruptcy, or addiction. For others it’s death of a loved one, infertility, depression, chronic illness or pain, divorce or loneliness. Some parents are estranged from their children. Some children are estranged from their parents. And so much more……
But we do not have to fall…..with a great crash.
I believe it is in these moments God’s story is written in us. This is when He can show up and do some of His best work.
And so is the rest of my story…..
Someone on the outside looking in on my life would put their hand over their mouth and the other on their heart while shaking their head and thinking, “Bless her heart.” I would say different. And it’s ONLY because of Jesus – and the courage I have learned to borrow from Him.
I know, with every single thing inside of me, that our God already has or will redeem all the heartache, loss and pain in my life. I know that even though the storms have and will continue to come – that my life – and more importantly, my spirit, will NEVER fall. Every single day I wake up I ask my Savior to be with me. Walk with me. Light my path and show me the way. And He never fails me. Never. Tova Sido alone is weak and sinful and has very little courage. Tova Sido with Jesus is courageous and strong and can do anything. And I mean ANYTHING. I am not afraid. And I never have to be because Jesus has already promised me that “Perfect love casts out all fear” – and well, HE is perfect love. As long as I am walking with Him – I never have to be afraid.
One of my favorite worship songs is called “Great are you Lord” and the lyrics say this,
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
All the earth will shout
Your praise
Our hearts will cry
These bones will sing
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
These lyrics are based off of Psalm 51:8 where King David says this, “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”
Joy and gladness can come from darkness and pain. These bones WILL SING – Great are you Lord…….
We are promised that one day – when this earth is gone and we are reunited with our Savior in His kingdom, “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
I tear up thinking about that perfect day. I just can’t wait.
Until then my friends, Borrowed Courage.
If you want to learn more about Tova's story you can order her book at https://www.tovasido.com
A portion of the proceeds of this book support children with special needs and Dream on International.
I promise her story will stir something in you, you never knew was there and you will walk away appreciating what God has given you because after all we need is Jesus, a red ball, and a puffer fish! (Got to to get the book to know why you need a red ball and a puffer fish and of course why we need Jesus!)
xo,
Amy
Sister Up with Salad!
In keeping with the theme of my week....Sister Up...I decided to share with you all a recipe I got from my FAVORITE SISTER in the whole world. My big sister Robin. Robin and I are from the same parents, but, I will tell you, anyone who knows us would say we are polar opposite.
In keeping with the theme of my week....Sister Up...I decided to share with you all a recipe I got from my FAVORITE SISTER in the whole world. My big sister Robin. Robin and I are from the same parents, but, I will tell you, anyone who knows us would say we are polar opposite. My sister has a air about her that exudes perfection. I have an air about me that exudes hot mess! When it comes to fashion she nails it every time....me....not so much. Her house is impeccable and always on par with what is chic.....mine....not so much. She LOVES yoga. I HATE yoga. She is happy with one or two good friends, me... I like an army.....So as you can see we are very different, BUT when it comes to family we love fiercely and we love each other. We worked well as a team when it came to decisions with our mom and we are still working well as a team when it comes to decisions with our dad. Yes we disagree and yes I annoy the heck out of her, but we love each other and we would take a bullet for each other! (But then again I am bulletproof! wink! wink!)
Another area we are so opposite in is cooking. I LOVE cooking. My sister does not. So for me to even have a recipe from her is funny, but yall this is Trey's favorite salad I make and we got it from Robin. I will never forget the first time we had it. It was our first mother's day without mom and it was a tough one so I was not eating much. Trey kept saying, "Go back and get more of that salad." And the next day when I went to pick up Dad from Robin's house Trey was like, "hey if any of that salad is left over grab it!" I thought, man, what is it with that salad? So of course I had to try it and yall....this salad is so good and you can do so many different things with it! Do what your family likes and play around with it....Trust me...there is plenty of room to experiment with this one! But I know your family will like it because mine does and they are not big on the greens. So try it and let me know your thoughts!
Robin's Kale Salad!
ROBIN'S KALE SALAD
DRESSING:
1/2 shallot, peeled and chopped (I get mine in the deli section of Central market already peeled)
1 or 2 tablespoons of crushed jarred garlic
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
1 tablespoon ground cumin (I have been known to leave this out at times and it is still so good. My family is not big on cumin)
1/2 tablespoon Kosher Salt
1 teaspoon ground pepper
1 cup extra virgin olive oil
SALAD:
Here is where you see me really cheat from the published recipe, but I am a busy mom of three so I like shortcuts!
Shortcut that will save you time!
I get 1 to 2 bags of Taylor Farms Sweet Kale Chopped Salad (Any bag of pre-made kale salad will do, but I really like this one because it has brussels sprouts in it) I throw out the dressing and if I don't want I use the extra seeds or whatever they have to dress the salad I throw that out too, but most of the time I use the cranberries and pumpkin seeds to add a little more pizazz to the salad.
2 cups cooked quinoa
3/4 cup cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
3/4 cup fresh, raw corn kernels
1/2 cup thinly sliced radishes
1 cup salted, roasted almonds (I have used pistachios here)
1/2 cup dried crandberries
kosher salt and pepper to taste
DIRECTIONS:
To make the dressing, place all of the dressing ingredients, except the olive oil, in a blender and blend on high until smooth. On a low speed, add the olive oil in a slow, steady stream. Once the olive oil is incorporated, bled on high for an additional 15 seconds.
To assemble the salad, place all of the ingredients, except the almonds, in a large bowl. Toss with the dressing and season with salt and pepper. Top with the almonds and serve.
So good and so good for you!
Bon appetit!
xo,
Amy
Sister Up!
Do you ever find yourself feeling inadequate? Overwhelmed? Anxious? Just not good enough? Or..... just plain scared? I know I do....
Hello, World!
