How Does Your Garden Grow?
Amy, Amy, quite the lady, how does your garden grow? Bluebells, and seashells, and pretty pink tulips all in a row!
This child hood nursery rhyme is nothing short of truth to my marriage. Now I know comparing a garden to my relationship may seem weird but if you follow me there's no doubt you'll relate in the same way.
I just spent the most magnificent,relaxing, week away with my husband. On the plane ride back I started my third book of the trip and the whole basis was flowers and love. Through this book, I realized our marriage, and all meaningful relationships, are the same in that relationships are like a garden. If you don't tend to them, water them, and clean them out at times, what happens? They die.
Well, after the week we just spent in Mexico, my garden (me and Trey) is lush and full of beautiful blooms, like we were first married. However, I am smart enough to know that weeds will creep in, soil will go bad, bugs may or may not infest it, squirrels and rats may invade it, and children might stomp through it. What am I or you to do and protect our blooms.
TIME!
This is a tricky one as Trey is gone a lot, but it is also very important as I can honestly say we have had to fight to bring our garden back to life at times. What happens when you don't spend time in your garden? I named a few above and they are all bad, so Trey and I decided we needed to really communicate in meaningful conversation a minimum of 15-30 minutes a day in order to keep our garden in the shape it is in now. Hate to break it to you, but what doesn’t seem hard, with three active boys, chores, groceries, schedules, a high energy dog that must be walked, might throw you for a whirlwind! It is much harder than you would expect. I would like to think of the conversations we will have as water. Life. These conversations will help us to sustain the marriage just like water will help sustain the garden.
Date night does not have to be fancy like this either! It could look like a run to home depot or the movies!
We also need to really focus on establishing a date night at least twice a month, preferably every week. This part of the time equation is what will help keep the weeds out and when they start creeping in we can pull them immediately while we are out on our date. Not a couples date either! A date with just Trey and I.
And lastly, we need to go away as a couple at least once a year, preferably, if one can afford the time and money, more than once a year. This will keep the insects and tiny animals like rats and squirrels at bay. If the children are stomping on the garden while playing ball ruining it we can fix it because we will be away, alone, spending time together. Feeding, nourishing, and loving on our garden and our marriage, watching it come back to life. If you are lucky enough to do this more than once a year think how beautiful your garden will be!
This is us on a date to Home depot then off to the movies! Time well spent!
I don't know much and by no means am I a counselor, but I do listen to my friends who have been in tough situations and I have looked back on my own marriage during tough times and it all pretty much came back to we were not spending good quality time together. One on one time that does not revolve around the kids, work, friends, fundraisers, or simple management of day to day life. Time, time, time. When Trey and I are in a rut and believe you me it has happened and I am sure it will again, it comes back to-WE HAVE STOPPED SPENDING MEANINGFUL TIME TOGETHER. Sure we were physically present, but not emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.
We were so young here! How fun to remember these times!
Think about your relationship when you first met and compare it to a brand new garden. That relationship took time to grow just like your garden. You were so excited to water it and see what would come up from the ground and you could not wait to get to know it more. Just like your spouse, you could not wait to get to know him/her more and your relationship grew into a beautiful marriage, just a like a new garden that you spent time in. In order to keep the garden beautiful you must be intentional with your efforts to keep it alive and the same goes for our marriages. We have to be intentional on our effort to spend meaningful time together.
Life has too many twist, turns, ups and downs, and curves that if we are not intentional about this time, we too can find our garden bored, dried up, and lifeless and in such bad shape we just want to quit and start over. A little secret my friend, quitting and starting over will still require you to invest intentional time in your new garden. So why don't you just do the work in your current garden. I know Trey and I have worked hard at ours and we will continue to, won't you join us?
xo,
Amy
Hello, World!
Take advantage of Target's sale on bath! Sale Ends Thursday!
