Jesus, A Red Ball, and A Puffer Fish
Have you ever stopped to think that everyone has a story? I mean my bagger at Tom Thumb Kennith has a story, my boss Alana has a story, my friend Ginger has a story, you have a story, I have a story....we all have a story. Today I want to introduce you to one remarkable lady. A lady who let me tell you has a story! A story that will at first fascinate you, then drive you to tears, then laughter, then amazement! But in the end, her story will leave you knowing you are loved. We are all loved. God loves you! God has the courage and strength you need in any and all circumstances. We just need to borrow some courage from Him and watch what happens.
Meet sweet Tova! Tova has a smile that will light up the room and Tova has a story that will touch your heart at it's core. That is what happened to me when I first met Tova in 2010 at Highland Park United Methodist Church and I remember thinking, "I like this chic. I get her! I need to be her friend! She gets me! Or at least she will once she meets me! Ha!" Fast forward to literally the morning of our anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I found out she wrote a book. I looked immediately ordered the book and reached out to her and asked if she would write a guest post. I explained to her that all those years ago she really touched me and really brought me out of a dark place. I had lost a child and she had no idea, but I had actually borrowed courage from her. You see she was a pastor at the church when we decided HPUMC was our home. So I will forever be grateful for her inspiration, her teaching, and her love. So as I was saying earlier....Meet Tova.....
TOVA SIDO
For years close friends, family - quite frankly, a lot of people would say to me – “T, you HAVE GOT to write a book and tell your story!” I would internally roll my eyes and politely respond by saying, “Oh I would never do that!” The truth was, I had never really been comfortable with “my story” – and well so many things were so damn sad that the thought of sitting down and reliving it while writing it sounded absolutely miserable. For years – with a lot of therapy and even more of Jesus - I had worked through so much of that pain, why on earth would I ever dig up those dry bones and bring that pain back to the surface?
But the undeniable truth is this – in January of 2014 the Lord woke me out of a dead sleep (this is often how He choses to speak to me) and told me, “T, it’s time to write that book. It’s time to tell people what I have done in your life.” I had to admit that this wasn’t just my story, this was God’s story – and I had to be obedient.
Some people would call themselves authors or writers. I am neither one of those. In fact my spelling and grammar is dreadful. I use WAY too many dashes and dots, have to spell check everything, and most of my sentences are run ons. So you can imagine me sitting in front of my computer the next day. I just kinda stared at it. For a long time. How would I start? WHERE would I start? What was the title? What would even be the point? I had no idea. So I said a prayer, took a deep breath and just started typing.
My deepest fears about writing my story were actualized. It was hard. And I cried and cried. And cried some more. I cried because well, here’s the cold hard truth about my story…..I :
Grew up in an abusive home
Have a mom who fought cancer for 14 years and died at the age of 53
Have a dad who left my mom for another women while she was in the hospital
Had a stillborn
Had a miscarriage
Buried my son Charlie who lived 8 months
Buried my daughter Louisa who also only lived 8 months
Am divorced
I mean is that sexy or what? Some resume……
But here’s the deal. It’s not the WHOLE story.
As I was writing the book I remembered when I was a little kid how incredibly petrified I was of storms. When I was in the second grade I had just moved from New Mexico to Texas and a terrible storm ripped through my school and stole my playground. I was so scared in tornado position that day I actually peed my pants (for good reason I left that part out of the book). After that I was never the same with storms. At the first crack of thunder or lightening I would race in to my parents room – anytime of day or night – and say to my dad “Daddy, I’m scared”. My daddy would crawl out of bed, put on a shirt and come and sit at the front storm window with me. We would count lightening and thunder and would watch the storms roll through. All those spring nights full of Texas storms I would borrow courage from my daddy until it was safe for me to go back to bed.
When we are young we are lucky because when we are scared or lost or sad or broken we have big people from whom we can borrow courage – a mommy, daddy, teacher, coach, grandma, grandpa. If you fall they will help you back up – if you were sad – well, they wipe tears – and if you are afraid, they will count the space between thunder and lightening until you’re not afraid anymore.
Adults oftentimes aren’t so lucky. The dreaded storm often rolls in and because we no longer have anyone to borrow courage from – we crumble. Jesus was so dang smart He actually warned us that this could happen in the gospel of Matthew. He said this, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
It fell with a great crash.
That’s what happens without Jesus.
You know the amazing thing about what Jesus promises us is what the storm will look like with him – and what the storm will look like without him. I guess the whole thing strikes me because Jesus is telling us…….the storms will come…….
Some people think storms shouldn’t come with Jesus. It’s kind of a silly thought when you consider the storms that Jesus endured. Even Jesus. Why should or would we ever be exempt?
The storms will come. And when they come, our life resumes can take a hit. Those “hits” are different for all of us. For some it’s cancer, infidelity, bankruptcy, or addiction. For others it’s death of a loved one, infertility, depression, chronic illness or pain, divorce or loneliness. Some parents are estranged from their children. Some children are estranged from their parents. And so much more……
But we do not have to fall…..with a great crash.
I believe it is in these moments God’s story is written in us. This is when He can show up and do some of His best work.
And so is the rest of my story…..
Someone on the outside looking in on my life would put their hand over their mouth and the other on their heart while shaking their head and thinking, “Bless her heart.” I would say different. And it’s ONLY because of Jesus – and the courage I have learned to borrow from Him.
I know, with every single thing inside of me, that our God already has or will redeem all the heartache, loss and pain in my life. I know that even though the storms have and will continue to come – that my life – and more importantly, my spirit, will NEVER fall. Every single day I wake up I ask my Savior to be with me. Walk with me. Light my path and show me the way. And He never fails me. Never. Tova Sido alone is weak and sinful and has very little courage. Tova Sido with Jesus is courageous and strong and can do anything. And I mean ANYTHING. I am not afraid. And I never have to be because Jesus has already promised me that “Perfect love casts out all fear” – and well, HE is perfect love. As long as I am walking with Him – I never have to be afraid.
One of my favorite worship songs is called “Great are you Lord” and the lyrics say this,
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
All the earth will shout
Your praise
Our hearts will cry
These bones will sing
Great are You, Lord
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It’s Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
To You only
These lyrics are based off of Psalm 51:8 where King David says this, “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.”
Joy and gladness can come from darkness and pain. These bones WILL SING – Great are you Lord…….
We are promised that one day – when this earth is gone and we are reunited with our Savior in His kingdom, “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
I tear up thinking about that perfect day. I just can’t wait.
Until then my friends, Borrowed Courage.
If you want to learn more about Tova's story you can order her book at https://www.tovasido.com
A portion of the proceeds of this book support children with special needs and Dream on International.
I promise her story will stir something in you, you never knew was there and you will walk away appreciating what God has given you because after all we need is Jesus, a red ball, and a puffer fish! (Got to to get the book to know why you need a red ball and a puffer fish and of course why we need Jesus!)
xo,
Amy
