Mother's Day is coming...How do you feel about that?
Mother’s day is coming…How do you feel about that?
I am having ALL kinds of emotions.
On the one hand, my mom is gone which makes it hard, but honestly, each mother’s day gets a little easier. You know the old adage, “time heals". It really does, although I freaking hate that saying. With that being said, I have so many friends that this is their “first” and my heart hurts for them. I remember like it was yesterday. The first is the worse!
I think I feel more pain for my friend’s hearts this year than my own. I remember that pain. It’s like an open wound that is bleeding and you pour hydrogen peroxide all over it and it just foams with pain. I know you know what I am talking about and to my friends that are going through this pain I say write your mom a letter. I know it sounds crazy, but I promise you this, it works! It truly works. Get yourself a beautiful candle, a cup of hot tea, find a quiet spot and just write your heart out to your mama. Everything you wish you said, everything you know she knows, and anything else. Tell her how things are going, just like she is here. It sounds crazy but there is something so healing about journaling.
Another emotion has sprung up this year….
This year I find my heart is breaking for the woman who has miscarried or lost a child. I had the privilege of speaking this past week to the women of Twelve 12 Ministries. While this was such an honor it brought back so many feelings. Feelings from when we lost our angel baby.
I remember thinking will anyone remember I am a mom of three. At the time we lost our baby I only had Will and JP and I wanted people to remember I had an angel baby and I was a mom of three. Nothing has changed in those emotions except that now I am a mom of four and I can’t help but think of the beautiful women out there that have no babies on this earth, but they have angel babies and I am sure they are thinking the same thing. Or the woman like me who is blessed with children here on earth, but she too has an angel baby. I know what they are thinking and feeling…. Will anyone remember and will anyone see me as a mother? My answer to them is YES! I DO! I see you and you are a beautiful mom! You are not invisible.
I see you and I want to celebrate with you! I want you to celebrate you. No matter if your child was in your womb 6 days, 6 weeks, 16 weeks, born but not living, or born but left us too soon…No matter how long, they still lived and you still loved them, YOU ARE STILL A MOTHER, and Mother’s Day is for you too!
So, how are you going to celebrate? You can celebrate even if those around do or not.
I have an idea or two. First, write your sweet baby a letter. Just like I told my friends above writing is the key to opening up your heart and soul. Writing is therapeutic and can take you to places of freedom no one else can. Trust me on this. So write your beautiful baby a letter. Tell them how much you love them and let them know you are ok knowing they are watching over you. After writing your letter go outside, move your body, connect with nature, and look for your sweet baby in the sun, the flowers, and the trees. Maybe plant a tree or flowers in honor of your child. If creativity lights your soul on fire, get creative. Paint something, make something, choreograph a dance in your babies memory. Whatever creative outlet you choose, do it in honor of your baby. Getting creative can be so therapeutic.
Wherever your pain is on this mom’s day, pull out those photos and remember. Where ever those keepsakes or photos are, pull them out, look at them slowly and remember. Maybe start a keepsake box as a beautiful way to remember and celebrate those you are missing.
Buy flowers! Flowers always make a room brighter.
Visit wherever you use to go with your mom and remember those precious moments….or visit a place you wish you could have taken your child go….sometimes leaning into the grief is more healing than avoiding it.
And finally, if you know someone going through the same pain….text them, call them, or write them. You might know how they are hurting or feel forgotten. Tell her, you love her…you see her….listen to her….you both will heal.
But hear me when I say this…There is no guilt or shame if you do NONE of these things…I want you to feel the freedom to do one, none, or all of these things. Maybe for you, it is best to stay in those jammies all day and under the covers. If that is the case, I get you and I see you. You are loved and so is your mom and or your child. You do whatever is best for you on mother’s day. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to celebrate mom’s day their way. You do it your way. Whatever your pain is. Don’t wait for someone to do something for you. You choose how to celebrate this first mom’s day without mom or baby.
Just know you are not forgotten. I see you and I am here for you.
XO,
Amy
PS…if you are looking for a community that can build you up and support you during your grief journey, join me and my amazing friends for free in my Facebook Group SOUL GOALS
