Doubting God

As I sat watching the tragic event of Las Vegas unfold and remembering Hurricane Maria,  Harvey, and Irma, and the earthquake in Mexico and Kim in Korea...My goodness this is a lot of bad I kept thinking to myself!  I started thinking, "what the heck God?!"  I mean my mom's Death hit me VERY hard and I was doubting God, but now this?   This has got to have a lot of believers Doubting.  Unfortunately,  that is what Satan wants which puts him at an advantage.  Which infuriates me so I started wondering how do I get the upper hand on my doubt?  I look Up and look to God and really ask some hard questions.  Satan really does not like this and I personally think he preys on these questions.   

 I think Satan looks at this questioning as a weakness and just can't wait to pounce.  So I decided I would try to Look at it from God's perspective which meant really digging in to my quiet time. Really asking hard questions and crying out to God and asking the hard question, "WHY?"

After Irma hit the beautiful islands I kept thinking....what a terrible loss of life!  WHY?  AND SHE WAS STILL ON HER WAY TO FLORIDA WHICH MEANT MORE LOSS!  WHY GOD!?

Then it hit me!  All loss of life is terrible.  A child dying of cancer is tragic!  It should be against the law for a child to die before their parent.  Someone getting killed in a sudden accident is tragic!  There is no time to say good bye.  My mom, after 80 years on this earth dying, tragic!  I lost my best friend!  And all these people in the wake of these storms or bad dictators.  Tragic!  It is all bad. AND newsflash,  People die everyday!

INTERESTING FACT:  Did you know that 154,000 on average die everyday! And guess what...God knows EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!  

GOD is aware of EVERY single person who suffers and who dies EVERY moment of EVERY day in EVERY nook and cranny of the world.  So while I sat there thinking how unfair and why is it  happening, I had to remind myself of the mom whose child died of Cancer,  or the Friend whose best friend took their life through drugs and alcohol, or the Wife whose husband died in an accident,  or the loss of life to Malaria, to Heart attacks, to head injuries to whatever else...you get the point.  It is ALL bad and it ALL seems unfair!  

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE THE ONE IN THE EYE OF THE STORM and it is your loved one who died.

It is so easy to Doubt God during these times, but what we NEED to remember and what we NEED to hold on to is God created this universe.  God gave us life and He determines the length of life for everyone.  He is simply taking back what is HIS.  WE ARE HIS.  

When we start to doubt God we are letting Satan win and we cannot do this.  We are God's children.  When we are suffering we need to try as hard as we can to see it from God's perspective. Sometimes we cannot see God's perspective until well after the Storm is gone and honestly there are storms we may NEVER know God's perspective until we get to heaven.  So how do we deal?  How do we not doubt?

FAITH MY FRIEND!  FAITH AND TRUST THAT GOD IS INVOLVED IN ALL OUR SUFFERING.  WE MUST HOLD ON TO THE FACT THAT OUR SUFFERING IS NEVER MEANINGLESS. OUR SUFFERING ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH GOD'S ETERNAL PURPOSE.

I do realize that this is so hard to understand.  We are after only human.  So my dear friend, when suffering reaches such an intensity in your life that seems senseless and you just want to give up....it is then and only then that we MUST CLING TO GOD IN FAITH!

DEFINITION OF FAITH:  complete trust or confidence in something or someone: trust, belief, confidence, conviction

So as life unfolds and we suffer tragic events, suffering, and losses.....let us never let go of our faith and God because God will never let Go of you or me.

xo,

Amy

Hello, World!

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Chicken & Rice Soup - My Way (Paleo-ish)

About a year ago, I decided to change the way I ate.  I am not a hard core paleo mama by any stretch of the imagination, but I do try.  My motto in life is  pretty much anything and everything in moderation.   This would include my diet.  You may or may not see me indulge in a coke here and there and you will FOR SURE see me indulge in Vino and Vodka and the list goes on and on.  But, for the most part, I do try.  

One thing I started doing last year, with the help of Primal Mom, (check her out on Facebook) was I  started cooking breakfast and lunch for the week on Sunday.  Truth be told, not every Sunday, but a lot of Sundays.  

This Sunday I made my version of her Chicken and Rice Soup.  Y'all this stuff is AMAZING!  My six year old even loves it!  And did I mention it has bacon in it?  Who doesn't love bacon?  

I am going to share my version with you all today.  You should try it, and if you are wanting to make the change to healthy eating, you really should look Primal Mom up on Facebook!  I promise.  Her recipes are amazing and she helps you every step of the way!  And you might even get the added benefit of weight loss...just saying.....So try the soup and look up Primal Mom!  I promise neither will disappoint!

 

Recipe for Primal Mom's Chicken and Rice Soup (mostly...I changed one or two things to fit my family)

Ingredients:

3 Chicken Breast

1/2 lb bacon

chopped up celery and onion (I go to Tom Thumb or Central Market and get the box they chopped up that day of celery and onion)

bag of small skinny carrots

Trader Joes cauliflower rice

Chopped Garlic like as much as you want I take 6 spoonfuls from the jar

4 Cups of Bone Broth

1 Cup of heavy whipping cream

2 teaspoons Red pepper flakes

1 Tablespoon Dried Thyme

 

Prep:

chop your bacon

Season your chicken (I use dowry's season salt, Himalayan salt and pepper) Cut chicken into small pieces

Instructions:

In a large pot over medium heat cook bacon

When bacon done add chicken and cook through.  Add ALL remaining ingredients, EXCEPT CREAM, cover and simmer for 1.5 hours

When done add the cream and mix well

Serve immediately or let cool and store in refrigerator and you will have lunch ready for the next 5 days!  Easy Peasy Lemmon Squeasy!

Bon Apetit!

 

Amy

Choose Life: On Becoming a Dance Instructor

You guys are starting to learn a lot about me I think through my writing, but one thing I have failed to touch on is my LOVE of dancing!  I don't know what happens to me, but when the music comes on and I begin the steps, it's like I go into this other world.  I am serious! It is like whatever is going on around me just goes away like magic and it's just me, the music, and the moves.  It is very cathartic at times, very healing at other times, and just a full out party.  A party that I get to attend and forget what is happening around me.  

Last July, after a dance class I had just taken, my now mentor, Alana, approached me about teaching.  Her timing could not have been more perfect.  You see, It was in June that my mom started not feeling well and we started trying to figure out what was going on with her.  So when Alana, questioned me about wanting to teach dance I JUMPED at the offer.  

Dancing for me is living.  

I started the training process, and I am proud to say I am now a teacher.  I dance a minimum of 3 days a week, but try hard to go 5.  Believe me, I don't just jump up and say, "It's a dance day!'

No, it is me waking up those days and saying I choose to live. I actually do this most days!  It is hard to get up and get moving.   I totally get and understand the numbing effects of sadness and depression and just not wanting to engage, but I also know that refusing to get up and do something about it is choosing to die.

I know depression is real.

Another side note about me, I have suffered from Clinical depression since the age of 16.  I understand more than you will know, not wanting to get up.   

When life throws pain at you when you already fighting most morning just to get up, well...let's just say, somedays I know it would be so much easier just to take to the bed and NEVER get up.  But you have to!  You have to most importantly for yourself and then for those around you.

So I want to challenge you!

I am challenging you to choose life!  

Choose life, turn toward God and open your heart and your mind  to the new joys in life as well as the additional sorrows.  

Find what will help you dance through life. Who knows, maybe it will be dancing with me!  I would love for you to come to my class!  It would bring me so much joy!  But, if dancing is not your thing, find what is, embrace it. It does not matter how old you are!  Look at me!  I started teaching dance at the ripe young age of 46!  So find it, embrace it, and hold on to it!  

May you too find your dance of life.

xo, 

Amy

 

September Book Review - Three Books I Can't Stop Recommending

This month I have decided to start my review with the book that started this blog in motion. Here are three books I've read recently that I can't stop recommending.

Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow

Friends, this book was just what I needed.  A friend who had lost her son this summer and was in pain but still had hope wrote about a book she was reading.   I was in such awe of her strength and her courage, but mostly I was in awe of her love for Jesus still.  I mean she had lost her son and she still had faith.  

I have to be honest, when my mom died, I REALLY started questioning things.  Then my friend opened up about her loss and what book she was reading and it was Hearing Jesus Speak into your Sorrow.  

I ordered that day off Amazon and I am so glad I did too.  The book is such a great resource for anyone who is struggling with a loss of a loved one or struggling with unanswered questions about pain and loss.  If you are this person I highly suggest you order it.  

I hope it brings you the strength and encouragement it brought me.

Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow

By Nancy Guthrie

Buy on Amazon

It Ends With Us

Now for my escape this month. Oh my, I was in tears at the end and honestly I could NOT put this book down.  

If  you like a good love story, you will like this one. It's just you find that sometimes Love comes with a price. Oh my, I did not want this book to end.

I am so proud of Lily the main character,  and I know you will be too. Do yourself a favor an order the book. I promise it will not let you down!

It Ends with Us: A Novel

By Colleen Hoover

Buy on Amazon

And drum roll please...I read another one this month and just like the first two it did not disappoint....

Small Great Things

People!  Do you want a book that will make you think?  Do you want a book that will make you angry?  

Want a book that will make you cry?  Want a book that will make you smile?  Want a book that will show you people can and do change?  

Then this book is for you!  

I mean seriously, some nights I found myself wanting to jump into the book and shake the daylights out of some of the characters and then other nights I sat up and really thought about some serious topics that are VERY real in today's world.  This book had a profound effect on me and in a very good way...maybe it will on you too.

Small Great Things: A Novel

By Jodi Picoult

Buy on Amazon

So there we have it. Three Great Books that I think you too will really love! What have you been reading that you think I might like?  I would love to hear!

xo,

Amy

The More You Read, The More You Know

When I decided to start this blog, I thought to myself,  "I should start reading more." because in my head,  this will make me a better writer, so I set a goal of two books a month and I got to work.  

The truth is I LOVE to read, but with my busy life it just gets put on the wayside.  I have to say I LOVE this goal of 2 books because

A. it is a doable goal and

B. it is reminding me of my passion of reading...I love it when I pick up a good book and get lost in it!  

I mean come on... I  get to COMPLETELY forget about my reality and I fall into someone else's!  And the best thing is I get to make them look and talk however I want!  I LOVE that!  

I also love it when I pick up a good book that helps me when I am in a rut or a dark place.  After my mom died, I was in such a dark place and my world was in slow motion.  One day I read about a book on a friend's social media page, that I  ran out that day got it.  It has helped me so much that I have given it to at least 4 people going through some rough times.  And it was after reading that book that I decided to dive in and do this blog that I had been playing with for months. 

Reading for me can be very entertaining, it can be healing, and it can be a much needed escape. It can be these things for you too!  Will you join me on my journey and read with me?  

I promise you will find yourself lost in some amazing make believe worlds that you get to dream up all by yourself in your quiet space!    Now, I can't promise that every book will be good, but I will do my best! And on the flip side if you have a book that you love, please tell me about it and I will read it as well!  After all...

 

The more that you read the more things that you will know....the more that you learn the more places you'll go!

Dr. Seuss

 

xo,

Amy

Even at the DMV, there are Angels Among Us

Angels Among Us

Did you know there are really Angels everywhere?

Somedays they just pop out and are so obvious...like the story I am about to share with you.  

But, sometimes we have to look for them. Other times, I firmly believe they are amongst us, we just cannot see them, or feel them, or recognize them.

Do you know why we can't see those angels among us?

Because some days we are so hard, so closed up,  and hurting so bad, that unless the angel literally slaps you in the face. You just don't know they are there.

But I promise you they are. Look for them. Pray to the Holy Spirit, he will reveal them.  

I honestly forget to do this, but days like today when I remember, well, let's just say it brings me chills and comfort.

Sons may grow into men and grow out of their toys, but in the hearts of mothers, they are still our little boys.

Today I took my 15 year old son, Will, to the DMV to get his drivers permit.  

On the way there I prayed to the Holy Spirit to please let this go smoothly.

I actually begged! 

You see yesterday, my husband, Trey, took Will at 7:00 am,  and I received a very not-so- happy call at 11:30 am. Will had failed the eye exam.  

Failed the eye exam?  Yep!  Failed the eye exam.  

The boy who is literally legally blind in his left eye did not wear his contact. 

Naturally, after sitting at the DMV for four plus hours and to going through the ENTIRE process, to get to the eye test and Will say, "I can't read that" was not ideal. Let's just say, it was not a pretty ride home.  

This morning I begged the Holy Spirit, "Please throw us a bone." 

I think He heard me.

We walked up to the front door, and I explained to the lady the situation from the day before, and she led us straight to the information desk.

It was there I met my Angel of the day, Miss Charlotte.  

To make a long story short, once we explained the day before she literally looked Will in the eyes and said,

"Son, why did you not wear your contact?"

He explained it fell out Tuesday night at soccer practice.  

She said, "Why did you just not put in another one?"

Good Question!  

He explained that was his last one. She then began to lecture him on how you never wait until the last one.  You always tell your Mama when you have two left!

I sat there with tears streaming down my face thinking this Lady, this Angel, really has my son's attention. He is getting the message!  Thank you.

For those of you with teenagers you can appreciate this.  You see when your kids pull the lazy card, or the entitled card, which happens, (You were a teenager once. You remember).

It's easy to lose your temper.  Let's just say, mine is not pretty. She actually has a name: Tawanda (more about her later).

Sometimes my kids get the message with Tawanda, sometimes they do not, and all the time I have to eat crow and apologize for my behavior. That sucks!  But it is reality, and I do it.

The point here is after the tension from the day before, Will was just not getting it. But this lady talked to him calmly and sternly, and I think he got it.  

Will looked at me, and was so confused as to why I was crying.

Miss Charlotte quickly said, "Son, this is an emotional time for a Mom give her a hug." And he gave me a sideways hug,  and she proceeded to say,  "Not a sideways hug, son!  A Real hug!"  

Do you know what I wanted to do?  I wanted to  jump across that counter and Hug her!  My Angel!

So you see, Angels are here. They are among us. We just need to look for them, and maybe, just maybe, on those really stressful, hurtful, lonely days, if you open up to the Holy Spirit and ask him to be with you and throw you a bone, well, he might send you a Miss Charlotte too! Try it.  I dare you.

xo, 

Amy

Secrets of a Tan-a-holic

My life isn't perfect but my tan is....from lotion source.com

You guys all know by now that I am a mom and just an ordinary gal,  but I failed to mention a secret about myself....well, not really a secret, because if you ever ask me about it in person I would honestly confess it....but for those of you who don't see me daily you would not know this....I am a tan-a-holic...True story!   It is truly an addiction!  The definition of addiction is:

the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity

synonyms:dependency, dependence, habit, problem

I DEPEND on this tan!  I know...it is REDICK!  But I LOVE to be tan!  Let's face it, brown fat is prettier than white fat!  And EVERY Friday (yes I go every friday!) when I step into that booth....it is like magic!  It sprays me and BAM! I am brown AND BONUS 5 lbs lighter!  Yes!  I swear!  5lbs lighter!  Its crazy!  And yes I do know that this is all in my head!  I mean come on, I just sprayed at least 1lb of solution on me.....So in all honesty I might have gained a pound! But, I have also gained this golden glow and it makes me feel a little more confident, and in this day and age I will take any dose of confidence I can get!

I mean seriously, as a mom of three boys, I am at the grocery store almost daily and I have to look at all those bombshells in the magazines on the racks while I wait to check out,  all the while reading the lies these stupid magazines promise you and me!  They are constantly promising me if I do this I will look like this....If I eat this I can lose 5lbs in 5 minutes....if I drink this my hair will not be gray and will grow....if I jump up and down like a monkey 10 times a day the fat will melt...If I wear this, the world will adore me....mix up this mask, put it on your face and you will look 21 again!  You all know what I am talking about! IF you are like me you have bought into these lies a time or two...me personally I STILL buy into them at times when I am down.... 

Well guess what friends....it is all A BUNCH OF BALONEY SANDWICHES!  For real!  I have tried alot of the gimmics and I have learned that while some things really do work for some people, we are all made differently....and MOST things will not work.  So Sad but So True.....

So the moral of this long story....I have found something that does work...for me at least...Spray Tan...it give me confidence and I do it every Friday so I can go into my weekend glowing and 5lbs lighter and eat drink and be merry!  (if you want my solution I am happy to give it up to you-I promise I am ALMOST a pro at!  But my skin type is different than yours so you might have to play with it a bit!)

So there you have it folks...My first confession in the books....I am a tan-a-holic and I am happy and glowing!  

Here's to you finding your little confidence builder and if it is spray tanning I will see you at the Salon!

xo,

Amy  

Take A Breath and Look UP...

Summer is  officially over and today is the first day of school. AGH!  UGH!  (and insert many, many tears here). Yes I hate this day!   I am not your typical mom who can't wait for this day each year... I am not the one who has the champagne chilling next to the orange juice in the frigelator (JPism for Refrigerator)!   No, I am actually quite opposite.  The first day brings up so many emotions for me, but the biggest one is My Boys are Growing Up!  This saddens my heart.  It is a wonderful time, yes, because we can reflect on how much they have matured or developed or whatever...but it is a constant reminder to me that time is running past me and before I know it they will be going to College and preparing to live the life God intended for them.   Trey and I 's job will (kind of) be done.  

When I meditate on that, I start to think about who will they be, what will they become, who will they marry and then I just get way ahead of myself and I have to reel myself back in and say slow down Amy!  So I take a deep breath and look up and simply pray, "Lord, thank you for our beautiful boys and for having faith in us to bring them up.  I pray that as this year starts, they will remain steadfast in their foundation of you and they will go out into this world and be an instrument for you.  I pray Lord that their peers, their teachers, their coaches, and whomever they encounter,  will see you in them.  I pray they will be Leaders and not followers.  I pray for their Health and for their hearts Lord and I give them to you...Please make them instruments for you and protect and guide them this School year.  In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen"

Remember who you are and what God Expects you to become.  You are a child of promise.  You are a man of might.  You are a Son of God.-Thomas S. Monson

So as this new school year starts, if you are celebrating, or if you are like me and crying, Let's not forget to take a breath and look up.  In Celebration and in tears, God is here.  

Happy first Day of School!

xo,

Amy

I Want to Hold Your Hand.....

As I sit here writing, many emotions are coming up....You see my dear friend's father just passed away yesterday and the wound from my own mothers death is so fresh that this has been a very confusing and emotional thing for me as well.  On the one hand I feel selfish for even bringing up my pain....I mean golly, I know exactly what my friend is experiencing and here I am talking about my pain, but I feel like I have sooo much to say for those of us going through our parents (or any loved one really) getting sick and watching them slowly fade away.... that I just want to make sure to get it all out.....So today I confess I am in pain, but I am in pain for a number of reasons.  For my friends loss, for my loss, and for the fact that all of us even have to go through these losses.   It just does not seem fair, but it is a fact of life....the one thing we will all do and experience is death...our own and the death of people we love.  

When I lost my mom, it was like a sword piercing through the core of my soul.  The pain was ruthless.  I was lost and hurting.  She was my BESTFRIEND and we talked daily....and she was gone.....What I learned on my journey with my mom in the end was very powerful and I want to share a little of that today with you.  Some of us are getting to the age where this reality of loosing our parents is right in front of us.  I hate hearing regret stories from my friends of things they would of, or should of, or wished they did differently....or sadly,  did it all.  So today I am going to share with you about things that I did that actually helped me as my mom progressed in her journey towards Heaven and I think they probably helped her too when Jesus reached out his hand and said, "come fly with me...Your family will be ok....."

This past week as my friend and I stayed in touch and as the nightmare of her fathers condition played out all I kept thinking about is what did I do to help myself and my mom when we were in our nightmare?  It was actually very simple, but it is very hard for some to do.  Some people are scared or uncomfortable around sick people.  I mean all those machines and tubes and doctors and nurses...And the words that name all these crazy conditions.....the names of all these conditions are so long and foreign that you end up googling them and that is the WORST thing you can do!  Trust me!  Every patient is unique and Google is not your friend!  You can't be strong for your family member and your family around you when you google this mess and it basically says...DEATH!  You just can't!  And miracles happen!  I believe in them!  I really do, but sometimes, miracles are not in the cards...so when they are not you got to dig in deep....You don't google!  You pick up your loved ones hand!  You hold their hand....you kiss their forehead....you tell them over and over again how much you love them, you hold their hand  and  you tell them how proud you are of them. You hold their hand and you talk about the good times...I even talked about the bad times and how we grew from those times...and you hold their hand!  I keep going back to holding their hand....you know why?  Because I so desperately wish I could hold my sweet mama's hand one more time...Trust me on this...when they die it is a matter of minutes and that shell of a body is just that....it is no longer your loved ones hand....It is a weird rubbery hand!  You think I am kidding...I am not! It was so weird for me!   Just like that she was gone and so was her loving touch....And all that was left was this weird hand that was not hers but was hers!  So listen to me friends...HOLD THEIR HAND....and if you have to share their hand just touch them!  I promise.  I have alot of siblings and everyone of my siblings have a significant other....I get sharing...so touch them....and touch them often and whisper I love you, because I so wish I could hold her hand.....

xo,

Amy

It all started when....

It all started when...

My sweet mom and bestfriend got sick...and it has been on my mind ever since...I need to blog about this....I need to write for therapy and for an outlet.  So here I am today starting my journey with you and I have no idea where it will lead us, but I am hoping we will have many laughs, maybe some cries (you know a good cry is very cleansing), and who knows....maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes....maybe I can learn from you....whatever happens I know it will be an amazing journey....so grab a cup of joe and lets get to know each other.  I promise it will be worth your while.

xo, 

   Amy

 

Redheads are God's way of giving the world Roses.....I love and miss you  mom....Amy

Howdy!

I grew up in the small north central Texas town of Graham, Texas, now known as Graham America.  I am number three in the line of four kiddos and I can honestly say I had a beautiful up bringing out there in the country!

COLLEGE LIFE AND MARRIAGE...

I went to college at University of North Texas and Texas A&M where I met my husband in 1991.  Long story short, I followed him to Texas A&M my junior year (who does that! I guess I do) and when he graduated he told me if I would hurry up and graduate we would get married.... so I hauled my hiney back to UNT,  graduated,  and well....THAT DID NOT HAPPEN...after NINE years...YES you heard me right!  NINE years of dating off and on we FINALLY married in December of 2000 and we are still going strong to this day.  We have three beautiful boys and one angel baby in Heaven.

WHY THIS BLOG.... 

In December of 2016 I lost my best friend, my confidante, and my angel on earth.  I lost my mom....and this rocked me more than any other loss of I have ever experienced.  My mom knew ALMOST everything about me...the good, the bad, and the VERY VERY UGLY side of me that my baby brother, Paul,  has so eloquently named TAWANDA.  My mom loved all parts of me, even Tawanda.  I called her daily and on average we talked 5 days a week.  When she left this earth and went home I can honestly say I was lost.  This loss has challenged me on many levels but most of all this loss has challenged me in my faith.  I am hoping through this blog I can grow stronger than ever in my walk with God all the while making you laugh!

DREAMS AND HOPES FOR MY BLOG...

 What I can promise from this blog is some yummy recipes (I do love to cook), HOPEFULLY some funny stories, probably some not so funny stories, because I promise to be real, and let's face it life is messy sometimes, I might have some words of wisdom here and there (if I do it will be from something I learned from someone much wiser than myself!) and one thing I will not promise is fashion sense....I try so hard here, but I am a dance teacher for adult fitness and my wardrobe consists of black tights and black tops....I will challenge myself in this area and maybe with your advice I can grow here...because Lord knows I am not fashion savy!  

Love of my life and best-friend.

In a nutshell, I am married to the love of my life and my best friend. We have three beautiful boys and a dog named Zoey.  My father lives with us during the day and my sister Robin at night and I survive on bullet proof coffee, God, Dance, and my amazing family and friends.  I am Amy Berry and I would like to be your friend!

xo,

Amy

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