I Want to Hold Your Hand.....

As I sit here writing, many emotions are coming up....You see my dear friend's father just passed away yesterday and the wound from my own mothers death is so fresh that this has been a very confusing and emotional thing for me as well.  On the one hand I feel selfish for even bringing up my pain....I mean golly, I know exactly what my friend is experiencing and here I am talking about my pain, but I feel like I have sooo much to say for those of us going through our parents (or any loved one really) getting sick and watching them slowly fade away.... that I just want to make sure to get it all out.....So today I confess I am in pain, but I am in pain for a number of reasons.  For my friends loss, for my loss, and for the fact that all of us even have to go through these losses.   It just does not seem fair, but it is a fact of life....the one thing we will all do and experience is death...our own and the death of people we love.  

When I lost my mom, it was like a sword piercing through the core of my soul.  The pain was ruthless.  I was lost and hurting.  She was my BESTFRIEND and we talked daily....and she was gone.....What I learned on my journey with my mom in the end was very powerful and I want to share a little of that today with you.  Some of us are getting to the age where this reality of loosing our parents is right in front of us.  I hate hearing regret stories from my friends of things they would of, or should of, or wished they did differently....or sadly,  did it all.  So today I am going to share with you about things that I did that actually helped me as my mom progressed in her journey towards Heaven and I think they probably helped her too when Jesus reached out his hand and said, "come fly with me...Your family will be ok....."

This past week as my friend and I stayed in touch and as the nightmare of her fathers condition played out all I kept thinking about is what did I do to help myself and my mom when we were in our nightmare?  It was actually very simple, but it is very hard for some to do.  Some people are scared or uncomfortable around sick people.  I mean all those machines and tubes and doctors and nurses...And the words that name all these crazy conditions.....the names of all these conditions are so long and foreign that you end up googling them and that is the WORST thing you can do!  Trust me!  Every patient is unique and Google is not your friend!  You can't be strong for your family member and your family around you when you google this mess and it basically says...DEATH!  You just can't!  And miracles happen!  I believe in them!  I really do, but sometimes, miracles are not in the cards...so when they are not you got to dig in deep....You don't google!  You pick up your loved ones hand!  You hold their hand....you kiss their forehead....you tell them over and over again how much you love them, you hold their hand  and  you tell them how proud you are of them. You hold their hand and you talk about the good times...I even talked about the bad times and how we grew from those times...and you hold their hand!  I keep going back to holding their hand....you know why?  Because I so desperately wish I could hold my sweet mama's hand one more time...Trust me on this...when they die it is a matter of minutes and that shell of a body is just that....it is no longer your loved ones hand....It is a weird rubbery hand!  You think I am kidding...I am not! It was so weird for me!   Just like that she was gone and so was her loving touch....And all that was left was this weird hand that was not hers but was hers!  So listen to me friends...HOLD THEIR HAND....and if you have to share their hand just touch them!  I promise.  I have alot of siblings and everyone of my siblings have a significant other....I get sharing...so touch them....and touch them often and whisper I love you, because I so wish I could hold her hand.....

xo,

Amy