Twenty-Five Years: What the Tide Taught Me About Love

Author’s Note:
This reflection was written from a place of gratitude and growth—not crisis. It shares lessons from the past, not a moment of urgency in the present.

Twenty-Five Years.

That sentence still takes my breath away.

If I’m honest, it feels nothing short of a miracle. Trey and I have shared beautiful memories over the past twenty-five years — moments of laughter, deep love, and joy. We have also walked through seasons that were painful, heavy, and far more real than I ever imagined when we said I do.

Did we always like each other?
That answer is a hard no.

But I do believe we have always loved each other. At least, I know I have loved him — even in the ugliest seasons. And I think that may be the quiet truth of long marriages: you won’t always like each other, but if there is even a mustard seed of love, there is hope.

This year, we celebrated our anniversary in Punta Cana. When we landed, it was pouring rain — the kind that makes you pause and wonder if the universe is trying to tell you something. It brought me back to our honeymoon twenty-five years ago, when I realized one of the tiny diamonds in my wedding band was missing. I thought that was an omen too.

Now I see those moments differently.

Sometimes things go missing.
Sometimes it rains when you hoped for sunshine.
And still — the sun rises again.

What matters most is what we do in those moments.

Over the years, I’ve learned to turn not to the world for guidance, but to God. The world often means well, but when something isn’t His will, the rain seems to linger. When I turn to Him, eventually the clouds move.

And they did.

We woke up the next morning to sunshine — soft and warm.

Strength, Trust, and Learning Again

On this trip, we decided to start a new tradition together: lifting weights.

Anyone who knows me knows I hate weights. Trey knows this very well. But strength matters at this stage of life, so we showed up together — awkward at first, unsure, then slowly finding a rhythm.

It felt like a mirror of our marriage.

We didn’t start strong. We didn’t know what we were doing. And I had to learn — again — how to trust. When trust is broken, rebuilding it takes time. But slowly, steadily, we are.

We spent quiet days by the pool and long walks on the beach. We swam with sharks — terrifying and exhilarating — and I held a stingray, slimy and strange, thinking how familiar fear and courage can feel. At one point, we floated in the middle of the ocean on a platform, receiving massages with nothing but water and sky around us.

I remember thinking, How lucky am I?

And also feeling heavy.

Both were true.

What I’m Proud of After Twenty-Five Years

I am proud of myself for staying.

Not blindly.
Not silently.
But with boundaries.

When we married, we promised for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. And we have lived every one of those words.

I want to say this clearly: if there is physical abuse, you leave. Period. That is a line I will never blur.

What I learned is that boundaries are not punishment — they are protection. They are fences that keep the bad out so the good has a chance to survive inside. Without them, harm grows quietly. With them, even when life isn’t perfect, there can be safety.

Boundaries gave me my voice.
They gave me back me.
They gave me my worth.

I stayed because I finally had myself — not because I lost myself.

Trust Lives in the Body

For many years, I didn’t trust my inner voice. I explained discomfort away. I tried to make everything feel okay so tension would disappear.

It didn’t.

What I’m learning now is that trust lives in the body. When my body doesn’t feel safe, I’m allowed to get quiet — not to disappear, but to listen.

That quiet isn’t shutting down anymore.
It’s discernment.

Healing isn’t linear, and love doesn’t always feel light. Sometimes it feels sober. Sometimes it feels tender and unsure. And sometimes it feels like grief — grief for who I thought I was, who I thought we were, and what I imagined marriage would look like.

But there is also gratitude.

I don’t miss the mean.
I don’t miss the numb.
I don’t miss the version of myself without a voice.

What the Tide Taught Me

On our last morning, I stood at the edge of the ocean and noticed the boundary where water meets land. The tide rolled in and out — never the same, always moving.

That’s what our marriage feels like now.

It rises.
It falls.
It changes.

And the boundary — where water meets land — is beautiful. Necessary. Sacred.

I stopped asking for signs and started asking for trust. God is the truth, the way, and the light. Not every storm is a message. Sometimes it’s just weather passing through.

And it does.

Coming Home, Hope Intact

It rained again as we packed to leave. By the time we drove away, the sun was shining. Our flight home was easy. The flight attendants toasted us with champagne for twenty-five years. I left a gift behind for the woman who cleaned our room, hoping it might bless her.

We came home to a broken dishwasher.

I laughed.

Life, in all its irony.

Good and bad. Joy and frustration. Love and grief — all living together.

We are not promised sunshine and rainbows every day this side of heaven.

But we are promised presence.
We are promised growth.
And we are promised that love, when tended with truth and boundaries, can deepen instead of disappear.

After twenty-five years, I don’t have all the answers.

But I have my voice.
I have my faith.
And I have hope — steady, honest, and still standing.

And for now, that is more than enough.

48 Years Ago Today....

Dear Trey,

48 Years ago today the world was forever changed and believe it or not mine was too. I firmly believe that 48 years ago today, God started to pave the path for you and I to one day be together in marriage. You know why I believe this? Because my mom was a woman of prayer. My mother prayed daily for all of her kiddos and I have been blessed to have witnessed this and I in turn do this now for our kids.

Do you know what one of those prayers is? I would love to share it with and you, but I must confess this prayer has evolved over the years due to lessons I have learned from people who love me and love us. It goes something like this.

Dear God,

Thy will be done with our boys and if I may I would like to be open about what I would love to see, but I will trust your will. (YES! I do say this!) Thy will be done with all the boys. I pray they all three do great in school, they are self motivators, do their work, stay out of trouble, and are leaders. I pray they all know you Lord and have a servants heart and a heart for you. I pray they all get into a college of their liking, one that you see fit for them and one they would love. I pray they get to do their passions, whatever they are, from the arts, to athletics, to work. I ask that you guide them and when they are through with college, I pray the perfect journey will start for them. One that includes their hearts desire as well as a partner and helpmate for life. A partner that you have been preparing for them now with a heart for you and one that will build them up and love them always right where they are. I pray if it is your will they will have children and Trey and I can grow old together watching all of this unfold and getting to be a part of their lives….with our health, happiness, love, and finances in tact so we can participate in life with them. What a beautiful thing that would be God. That would be my dream. Thank you God and I know you have us all but please keep my boys safe from the evils in this world. Protect them and fill them with your Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amy

Yep….everyday this is what I pray….sometimes I add in and sometimes if I am being lazy I just cut to the quick and say something like, “I am tired….please God allow us to grow old watching all three boys grow up to be and do wonderful things.”

I believe in my heart of hearts my mom did this for us. I believe she prayed for us starting October 22, 1970 and December 30, 2000 I believe my mom’s prayer came to life. Maybe not exactly how she would have had it because Lord knows I gave her a run for the money growing up, but when all was said and done I know she thought, “Yes Lord, this was my prayer. This man who loves and adores my Amy.”

December 30, 2000……The day we became one…..

So February 18, 1971 the world changed because of a beautiful addition, one that would change my world. I am so grateful for you Trey Berry! Thank you for always loving me right where I am, for believing in me when I don’t believe in myself, for building me up, and for giving me loads of grace! Grace that I don’t deserve.

I am so grateful my mom prayed over me like that and I am so grateful you were in God’s plan for me. You complete me and our family is so blessed because of you. I admire you. You are the most courageous man I know and the way you fight for your family leaves me in awe daily. Thank you for believing in us and for setting such an incredible example for our boys. Because of you someday they will make someone feel as safe, protected, and secure as you have made me. My prayer is they will find someone to love them back right where they are… always believing in them like I believe in you!

Our beautiful family….

I believe in you Trey Berry! Don’t you ever forget this! Happy Birthday my love and here is to many, many, more!

IWALY/LYMSIL,

Amy Girl

Peace

As I sat reflecting on the second week of Advent, which is Peace, I really struggled with what does peace mean for me? I mean I am a mom of three boys whose husband travels AND I help take care of my father. I don’t know but does this sound like it would be peaceful? NO! There is rarely a peaceful moment in our world. But, is that what peace really means?

PEACE

I looked it up actually and the definition of peace is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility.

Ya, that does not happen with all the moving pieces and peeps in my life, BUT, I will tell you the more I thought about it I do know it is possible to have a peaceful life IF I choose to do a few things to better myself and line up my priorities. I am telling you guys I am learning so much about this and it is weird how when you take time to better yourself in the areas of your relationship with God, yourself, your health, your spouse/partner, kids, and friends in that VERY order you will have a peace that is so eerie at first, but you learn to just be in it and relish it.

Let’s take a look.

1. God-Trust me on this….get up everyday earlier than everyone else in your world and spend a minimum of 15 minutes with Him. Start there! Just doing this starts you in the right direction. When you are in a relationship with God it is amazing what starts to happen around you.

2. Yourself….get a journal and write down all you are thankful for daily! Start little…..start with one thing a day and build on it. It is amazing when you turn your heart into a grateful heart how much peace overcomes you. Along with this take a self improvement class, read a self help book, or find a mentor. Fill yourself with positive mental nutrition and watch the peace pour over you.

3. Your health…start watching what you eat….NO not a diet! Maybe you go from 3 cokes a day to 1, maybe it is only eat dessert 3 times a week….I don’t know what it is but start paying attention to what you are feeding yourself AND join a workout class or a tennis team. Walk the dog longer, take yoga, maybe it is kick boxing for you? Find one thing that is a workout that YOU really enjoy, not anyone else, YOU and go for it! I am speaking from experience in that I REALLY wanted to play tennis and be a part of a team and I did it, until I got injured, and I look at that injury as the BIGGEST blessing and you know why? Because I found dance! No one else was doing it and heck my friends are still not doing it, but, I am and I love it and I have lost a total of 30lbs and still losing! Why? Because I LOVE IT! And now I feel great about myself which makes it a lot easier to feel peaceful.

4. Your spouse/partner….this is a big one and it is still a struggle for me, but here it goes….we all really need to set aside one night a week for time with each other without kids, cell-phones, or friends…..just the two of you. Trust me guys….I get it and I am being so honest here by saying I am failing hard at this, but now that I wrote it I am going to work on it! As well as a relational journal. Try writing each other notes of gratitude about things you are grateful for about each other. I actually got Trey this for Christmas and I cannot wait to start it with him! Now, let me say there will be times when one partner is the only one writing….it is what it is and that is just part of a relationship, but stick with it and see what happens. Trust me! Ha! I have not even done this yet, but I know in my heart it will work! I just know it! It will not solve all problems, but it will change our perspectives and show us the good stuff!

5. Kids….Now these guys will be so much happier if the steps above are all working and when you then throw in special time with them, no cell phones, night out for a movie, or whatever it is amazing what happens. I know my children love it when I take them out one on one. It does not happen near as much as I would like, but we do a family dinner and I try to make our one on one time special. Even if it is just a ride to get their haircut. Take that time to talk and you ask a question and really listen. It is amazing what happens when you really listen to your child.

6. Last but not least friends….Now here again I am going to be so open and I am ashamed to say this, but I use to put my friends first. I really did. Why? I am not sure why except that they are so fun to hang out with and I really like them! But the truth is the order has to go how I put it to find peace. It just does….and when one is out of whack peace is hard to come by, but when they are all in order it is so amazing the feeling you get.

   So my biggest take away for you today is YOU CAN HAVE PEACE! You can! You just have to make sure your priorities are in line and you are taking care of you! When you take care of you and improve on you and no I do not mean nails, hair, botox, or whatever….I mean really improve on you with positive nutrition for your brain and mind you will find peace. No every day is not full of roses, but it sure is easier to handle and handle with ease when all these things line up. So…….

Go in Peace Always and until next time….

XO,

Amy

Hello, World!

fill your mind with positive nutrition!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Amy, Amy, quite the lady, how does your garden grow?  Bluebells, and seashells, and pretty pink tulips all in a row!

This child hood nursery rhyme is nothing short of truth to my marriage. Now I know comparing a garden to my relationship may seem weird but if you follow me there's no doubt you'll relate in the same way.

I just spent the most magnificent,relaxing, week away with my husband. On the plane ride back I started my third book of the trip and the whole basis was flowers and love.  Through this book, I realized our marriage, and all meaningful relationships, are the same in that relationships are like a garden.  If you don't tend to them, water them, and clean them out at times, what happens? They die.

Well, after the week we just spent in Mexico, my  garden (me and Trey) is lush and full of beautiful blooms, like we were first married.  However, I am smart enough to know that weeds will creep in, soil will go bad, bugs may or may not infest it, squirrels and rats may invade it, and children might stomp through it. What am I or you to do and protect our blooms.

TIME!

This is a tricky one as Trey is gone a lot, but it is also very important as I can honestly say we have had to fight to bring our garden back to life at times. What happens when you don't spend time in your garden?  I named a few above and they are all bad, so Trey and I decided we needed to really communicate in meaningful conversation a minimum of 15-30 minutes a day in order to keep our garden in the shape it is in now. Hate to break it to you, but what doesn’t seem hard, with three active boys, chores, groceries, schedules, a high energy dog that must be walked, might throw you for a whirlwind! It is much harder than you would expect.  I would like to think of the conversations we will have as water. Life. These conversations will help us to sustain the marriage just like water will help sustain the garden.

Date night does not have to be fancy like this either!  It could look like a run to home depot or the movies!

We also need to really focus on establishing a date night at least twice a month, preferably every week.  This part of the time equation is what will help keep the weeds out and when they start creeping in we can pull them immediately while we are out on our date.  Not a couples date either! A date with just Trey and I.

And lastly, we need to go away as a couple at least once a year, preferably, if one can afford the time and money, more than once a year. This will keep the insects and tiny animals like rats and squirrels at bay. If the children are stomping on the garden while playing ball ruining it we can  fix it because we will be away, alone, spending time together. Feeding, nourishing, and loving on our garden and our marriage, watching it come back to life.  If you are lucky enough to do this more than once a year think how beautiful your garden will be!

This is us on a date to Home depot then off to the movies!  Time well spent!

I don't know much and by no means am I a counselor, but I do listen to my friends who have been in tough situations and I have looked back on my own marriage during tough times and it all pretty much came back to we were not spending good quality time together. One on one time that does not revolve around the kids, work, friends, fundraisers, or simple management of day to day life.  Time, time, time. When Trey and I are in a rut and believe you me it has happened and I am sure it will again, it comes back to-WE HAVE STOPPED SPENDING MEANINGFUL TIME TOGETHER. Sure we were physically present, but not emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

We were so young here!  How fun to remember these times!

Think about your relationship when you first met and compare it to a brand new garden.  That relationship took time to grow just like your garden. You were so excited to water it and see what would come up from the ground and you could not wait to get to know it more.  Just like your spouse, you could not wait to get to know him/her more and your relationship grew into a beautiful marriage, just a like a new garden that you spent time in. In order to keep the garden beautiful you must be intentional with your efforts to keep it alive and the same goes for our marriages. We have to be intentional on our effort to spend meaningful time together.

Life has too many twist, turns, ups and downs, and curves that if we are not intentional about this time, we too can find our garden bored,  dried up, and lifeless and in such bad shape we just want to quit and start over. A little secret my friend, quitting and starting over will still require you to invest intentional time in your new garden.  So why don't you just do the work in your current garden. I know Trey and I have worked hard at ours and we will continue to, won't you join us?

xo,

Amy

Hello, World!

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