Stumbling in the Darkness
Do you ever find yourself stumbling in the darkness? I don't mean in the "literal sense", I mean in the "figurative sense". I know I do and I do quite often. Usually I can find my way out of the darkness, but there have been two times in my life where finding my way out was like digging through concrete.
The first time was when I lost our baby and the second time was when I lost my mom.
Both times I took to my bed and pulled back the covers and drowned out the world with tears and moaning. Both times I was ANGRY WITH GOD and ANGRY WITH ANYONE WHO TRIED TO HELP. The pain I felt was crushing. I cannot even begin to describe it. It was weird, because both times with this pain I felt guilt. Guilt of could I have done more? Should I have done something differently? AND GUILT FOR BEING ANGRY WITH GOD. But, I was! And it was what it was.
When I look back to those dark, dark, days, I see I was blinded.
Blinded by pain. Blinded by loss. Blinded by anger. Blinded by sadness.
I was in the dark. It was not until I opened up my heart and mind to the Holy Spirit that I was able to see beyond my suffering to the glory of God. This was not easy either! It took me literally forcing myself to open this daily devotional I bought. It did not happen overnight either. It was a slow painful process, but one I am happy to say brought me to where I am today. I still have a lot of room for growth, but I am happy to say I have at least opened my eyes to Hope. Ironically enough, the book's name is Hope!
HOPE IN JESUS
Some days this hope just lies in getting through the next 30 minutes and somedays this hope just lies peacefully in my heart. But I have HOPE! And I do still stumble in the dark, but I hold onto Jesus and I hold onto hope!
Do you ever find yourself stumbling in the dark? If you do, I promise Jesus is there! He is reaching out his hand ready to touch you and take hold of you and your heart and transform your life. Will you let him in?
xo,
Amy
