Life with Dad
If someone would have told me 10 years ago that when my mom died my sister and I would be sharing the responsibility of taking care of my father I probably would of laughed in their face. My father was and still is one of the most independent, strongest, men I know. However, life has taken a toll on his memory and he cannot live alone.
A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY.....
My father was in a serious car wreck when I was a little girl. He basically went through the windshield of his car going 70 mph. He was conscious until the paramedics arrived and he told them EXACTLY where he was headed and who he was going to see and then slipped into a coma. He had something like 8 surgeries and once he healed he went on with life happy and healthy, UNTIL probably around 2008 when my siblings and I noticed some changes. Not really memory changes, but more like he was not involved in the conversations and decisions with our family business and other things. Slowly the memory issues started creeping in and when he got lost one time going to get my nephew we knew it is time to intervene.
VERY LONG STORY SHORT...
My father was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. Honestly I think it is just a catch phrase for physicians now a days because people are living longer and they are seeing astronomical numbers of patients with the same condition. They use to call it Alzheimers if I understand the history correctly until they realized you really cannot diagnose Alzheimers until the patient is dead. Yep you heard me....Dead! Then they called it Dementia, which basically is a huge Umbrella of memory issues and now I feel like the new term for beginning phases of Dementia and Alzheimer's is Mild Cognitive Impairment. And let me be clear, this is the Amy Berry Understanding of Memory issues in the elderly, because honestly, I don't think they know! This is all new territory because more people are living ALOT LONGER and the brain is an AMAZING thing! But, the more I talk about my father with friends and hear their stories about their parents or grandparents I see that we are all in this boat paddling like crazy and not really getting anywhere with answers or solutions!
OUR SOLUTION FOR NOW...
When mom died, my sister Robin and I decided we would take care of Dad together. We knew he could not live alone and we also knew he would NEVER allow a nurse or babysitter in his own home, and the idea of any kind of assisted living, well that just shuts him down. So for now our set up is, I get Dad Monday through Friday, anywhere between 11 and 1, and keep him until around 6:00 at night where he then goes to my sisters. Our baby brother Paul helps when he can on the weekends and we are all a team. It is not easy and at times it gets tense but it is what we are doing. It is what works for us for now.
NO IT IS NOT EASY, BUT IT IS A BLESSING...
People give me a hard time because we don't discuss other options, but it is so hard to think about other options. I just lost one parent and I don't want my father to feel like we don't care. Every family is different and every family has to work to find what works for them. This works for us for now. If you only knew how many fights and battles we had when mom was alive trying to get them to move into assisted living or to Dallas to be near us. It was awful! Now my father has lost the love of his life, he has basically moved to Dallas, away from his home of 49 years, his friends and church, and people want us to put him in assisted living. I just can't right now. Right or wrong, I can't! And I know there are many other people out there dealing with this as well. I hear stories almost every day. I wish I had an answer, I wish I had a solution, but I don't. So I am hoping through my blog I will meet other people in my shoes who we can bounce ideas off of each other, offer each other solutions, and hope, all the while loving on our parents to where they don't live in constant fear of losing their independence and everything they have ever known. There has got to be a way and I think we can pave the way together. So if you too are in a situation like me where you are taking care of your parents tell me what you do to make life beautiful for all? I would love to hear.
xo,
Amy
