Heart of Understanding

Have you ever considered how it takes guts to really look into your own heart and other’s hearts to really understand the challenges unique to each of us? Why do I say this? I say this because if you truly look into your own heart or that of another, you might love what you see or worse you could hate or disagree with what you see and then what? Well that is when understanding comes into play which takes guts and love! Something this world needs more of!

Challenge

I wrote last week about gratitude and I truly believe if you start and end your day with gratitude this challenge will be fairly easy. What is the challenge I speak of? The challenge is a heart of understanding. Understanding of yourself and understanding of others. When this happens a beautiful thing called grace happens.

I define grace as unmerited forgiveness, unmerited love, unmerited acceptance of a weakness or fault you or someone else might have.

Wow that is pretty big! Accepting, loving, and forgiving others who don’t deserve it! Well, guess what my dear friend and reader….we don’t and we have been given this beautiful gift! Did you know that God sent his one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross for you and for me and in return we are to love! Love with grace and understanding. It is such a simple request, yet it is so hard to do. Especially when we don’t have the same belief systems, ideas, or dreams. It gets kind of sticky. But, there is a way and we can all do it, but we have to open our hearts and minds to it. It is simple….we must listen…..really listen to one another.

Listening, truly listening is an art. Hearing is a physical activity. Listening is a skill. Most people when they are listening, are listening with the intent to respond. That is not good. That says, “I want to be heard. I don’t care what you have to say.” Or they play the game of, “Yes but….” What good does this do? You win the verbal exchange because yours was better? Well how does that leave you feeling? Bigger and better? Really? For me it leaves me feeling somewhat like a bully and questioning why I always have to one up someone? Sometimes all someone wants is a person to just hear them. Not fix them or try and make them feel better and definitely they do not want to be one upped! They definitely do not want or need to hear, “Oh ya, well, guess what my child did….or my husband….or that happened to me and…..” You get the picture. All they want is to be heard. Being heard, really heard, is very healing for a person.

In order to do this, however, it takes self discipline and honestly a lot of practice. I am STILL practicing the art of listening and I assure you I fail AT LEAST once a day. At least! Why? Well, because we are human and it is what it is, but if you are actively working on this skill it will and can come naturally over time. It just takes discipline. It is kind of like a professional athlete. They don’t become an expert in their sport without practice and the same goes with listening. We must practice being quiet and paying attention to others words. Practice eye contact, leaning in, nodding, and smiling without any interruption and when the urge to say, “Ya that happened to me and (fill in the blank)” arises, STOP! Do not do it! Don’t interrupt and try repeating what the other person is saying. By doing this you are showing them you really care about what they have to say and in turn they will feel valued. Isn’t that what we all want after all? To feel valued and loved?

What you will find by really honing in on your listening skills is that your relationships will become stronger. People are so desperate to be understood that we forget to be understanding, but by truly listening and opening our hearts we actually grow and learn. So much growth happens when we not only open our ears, but when we open our minds and our hearts.

Larry King once said, “I remind myself every morning nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I am going to learn I must do so by listening.” Think of all you will learn just by listening and not by talking and think how much better the world will be when everyone is practicing the art of listening. Listening to understand first then to be understood really is simple yet very hard. I believe the more people in this hurting world feel like people really are listening to them they will feel valued and in turn be able to go out and do the same for the next person. The domino effect of truly listening to understand first can and will make this world a more loving place. A place where people start to realize they are worthy and they are loved AND they are heard.

Maybe that is why God gave us two ears and one mouth….something to think about….

Until next time….

XO,

Amy

4 Keys To Active Listening

Starring Everett Bowes

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