Oh no You Didn't!
Do you ever feel like where did I go wrong? How do people do this? Dear God, PLEASE HELP ME! I AM A FAILURE AS A PARENT!
It does not matter what stage you are in with this thing called parenting and honestly I don't think it matters what book you read on the subject matter- I still say it is ONE BIG FAT EXPERIMENT!
I mean come on--EVERY kid is different and EVERY kid thinks differently or reacts differently! So yes, while these books give us direction the truth is it is STILL AN EXPERIMENT!
ITS KIND OF LIKE MEDICINE REALLY--The way I see it with medicine, every case is different, every body is different, every cell is different, and that is how our kids are! DIFFERENT! So I have decided, due to a "CERTAIN" situation, I will do an experiment. Maybe just maybe, my little experiment will help someone else in my shoes navigate this thing called...
A TEENAGER!
It's a scary thing I tell ya! A Teenager! Somedays they are so kind and loving and other days you are like who is this creature!? And you find yourself thinking, "Oh No You Didn't!?"
So for this experiment here is your background:
I get up every morning at 5:45 for my Quiet Time (I will call this QT). I pray over my family, our day, my friends, etc. etc... by 6:20 am I start waking the boys and I usually start with our Soccer Player. At least twice a week right now we have to be out the door by 6:40 to get to his Physical Therapy for his ankle. I drop him at PT and if my husband is on the road I run back home (this is what I did this particular morning). I get the other two boy's up and going and get them to school and yep I head back to PT to pick up Will. As we are leaving therapy I gently ask Will if he has gotten his note for school since we will be late? The emotion that erupts from him on this one question is UNBELIEVABLE at best, his language is colorful and he let's me know that as far as he is concerned I know nothing....
Enter Tawanda! (remember her? my alter ego)
Oh NO he Didn't!
But unfortunately, Oh Yes he did! When I get to a safe reasonable area to pull over and look him in the eyes and calmly say, "Will, I am your cook. Your uber driver. Your laundry mat! Your coach! your cheerleader! AND much, much, more, but I am most importantly your mother! You don't ever talk to me like this again and until you can appreciate me you are on your own! You are on your own with your meals! Your laundry! Your rides! Your recruitment coaches! Your school! Your jobs! YOU name it....you are on your own! Once I get you to school you are on your own!" Not another word was spoken- When we got to the school... AGAIN he surprised me! He got out of the car without saying a word and slammed the door!
BIG MISTAKE!
This is where my heart crumbled and I knew what I had to do-I had to follow through and nip this behavior in the bud. This is not the boy I raised. Where have I gone wrong? What should I do?
It hit me! Blog about it! Blog about my follow through and how it felt, so on days in the future when something like this happens again with Will or one of the other two boys I have something to remind me it will be ok. And guess what? So will you my friend!
Teenagers are hard, but so were toddlers, and all the other stages-It is just a different kind of hard! We are all in this together and together if we share our stories and our mistakes even, maybe we can raise Strong, Confident, Kind, Loving, Respectful, God fearing human beings. This is what I want for my kids and I am sure it is what you want for yours. So yes, discipline and follow through are hard, but together we can do it!
Fast Forward to the very next day, because my son was too smart to ask for any assistance the same day, however, he did think I would forget and soften within 24 hours. WRONG! He asked for a ride to work. I looked at him calmly and without any emotion simply said, "you are own your own buddy...remember?" Tears welled up into his eyes and I had to turn and walk away as they did in mine too and my heart was yet again crushed. I knew I had to do it though. I knew he would be late for work, but that was a consequence-
Consequence-a result or effect of an action or condition
Something these kids need to learn. Will went through the rest of the weekend without asking me for anything, it was strange, and we were distant, but he was thinking and I was praying. By Sunday night, he was asking for forgiveness and telling me how much he appreciates me and realizes how much I do. I accepted his forgiveness of course and gave him the biggest hug and so far so good-sure there have been a few bumps, but for the most part he has really worked on his attitude.
This follow through hurt. It hurt Will's ego, it hurt my heart, it hurt our relationship while we were in the thick of it, but in the end we were both better for it. Will learned and saw what I do for him. I learned and saw what Follow through can do for Will and my other two boys. As hard as it is I need to remember this experiment and follow through. Our kids need us too. They need to learn under our roof the consequences to poor decisions so when they are out in this ruthless world they can cope. Cope with Confidence, Grace, Respect, and Love.
My follow through with Will was so hard, but I did it and I am proud to say I have seen a change and shift in his behavior. How long will it last? I don't know that answer, but my prayer is that through this situation he and I both have grown in areas we needed to and we are both better for it.
Where are you growing in your role as a parent? After all we are in this together!
xo,
Amy
