I keep dreaming about my mom. It is so strange. I am not in a fog or depression, but I do keep dreaming about her and that does make my mornings a little tougher. I have to process the dream and cry a little. I think if I did not do this I would be depressed, but I just roll around in the dream and try to decide what it was about.
Last night I dreamt of her funeral. It was so odd because I was in her closet with greasy hair and had not showered. My best friend Ginger said we had 15 minutes and I kept thinking I have no clothes here but this black jumpsuit. I could see all my mom's perfectly white tennis shoes. She LOVED white tennis shoes! She had a ton. I kept talking about how we needed to donate them because that is what she would want.
As I sat drinking my coffee and doing my QT, I realized, that is it! It has been almost a year since her death and everything is just how she left it in her closet. Maybe she is telling me, "Donate that stuff Amy Irene!" For those of you who know my mom I GUARANTEE that is what she is saying!
She was THE HARDEST person to buy a gift for. She did not want STUFF! She would say, "Don't get me anything that collects dust!" She did not wear jewelry and she was quite the little spit fire golfer/active mom so she was not into "the trends" of style. She was so basic and so simple! QUITE OPPOSITE of me or my sister! Kind of funny actually!
She wore only mascara and deodorant. For those of you who know me, I wear makeup and perfume EVEN to dance in! Heck I have been known to wear my pearls to dance! So VERY OPPOSITE! And people I love me some stuff! Have you seen my house? It is a dust freaks nightmare! I feel bad for my kids when I die. It will be harder than heck to get through all this. Maybe that is my take away from the dream. Maybe I should start cleaning out.
I promise you my moms house will be so easy to go through. She was sooooo organized and did not hold on to anything. And honestly, now with her death I see why. She could not take it with her and she definitely did not send it ahead, so why keep it. Only keep and use what is needed. RIGHT? But, who am I kidding? I LOVE MY STUFF!
So my take away for today....I need to talk to my siblings about what we should do with my mom's stuff, but I shall keep on keeping on with my stuff and not beat myself up for it! I like it! I like my house and I like my things and if you do too, I say ENJOY them! It does not make us any less of a person. Just might make it a little more work for those we leave behind. But then again, they may like our stuff!
xo,
Amy
