A friend posted a comment about grief yesterday morning on her social media account. Her mother too has passed away and reading her post was cleansing, yet it brought up some emotions again. I cried all day missing my mom. I thought time would make it easier, but this month has been rough. I guess that is why they say it takes 12 to 18 months.
Grief is strange. I don't like it. It is weird. The thoughts, the what ifs. The wondering if mom is ok, all the while knowing I really am not without her here.
Silver lining...the funny memories. My mom was a pistol! A beautiful red headed pistol!
Everyone around knew she was a firecracker! I think that is where I get a lot of my pop from! I will never forget one day in the hospital after she had her first stroke, physical therapy had come in to do her exercises and they asked my mom to lift her leg. I wish I had a video of it!
She threw that leg up so high it almost went behind her head and hit the pillow! Everyone in the room busted out laughing because that was just her personality. Tell the redhead to do something and she was not just going to do it, she would do whatever you asked and then some just to show off! She was this tiny little 4 foot something red headed elf that weighed maybe 95lbs... Kind of like a tea cup chihuahua who thought she was a great dane! She was so feisty and funny! Man do I miss her and wish I could call her, but I can't.
So on days like today, when the tidal wave of grief hits, I will dig in deep. I will be ok with whatever emotions come out me. I will repeat: I am ok all the while trying like heck to remember something about her that will carry me through. After all there always is a silver lining - we just have to look for it.
xo,
Amy
