It’s the most wonderful time of the year….so they say….but for some it is the loneliest time of the year. The holidays can be a big ball of yuck for a lot of people. It might be that it is their first holiday without a loved one, their last holiday with a loved one, or it could be simply self induced pressure to be “WHATEVER” they think they are suppose to be (the best mom, the best elf on the shelf creative, or the best entertainer)…and the list goes on. Point is the holidays can be a real suck for a lot of people.
I fall into the camp of I love the holidays, but, I use to get so stressed out about the dang family christmas Card. That dang card, every year, darn near ruined the holidays for me, that is until I would get it into the mail. It was then and only then I could enjoy the magic.
Then my mom got sick and was put in the hospital on December 9, 2016, my first born’s birthday. The card had yet to go out and I was super stressed about it. I started writing in a journal, mainly to deal with taking care of my kids while being at the hospital with mom, helping to care for dad, making sure the house was cheery and decorated, and the damn card. I remember clearly writing one day, “Who do you do the Christmas Card for Amy?” And I really was brutally honest. Then I went further and asked, “And why do you do the dumb card?” Lastly I asked myself, “Do you even enjoy doing the card?” Here is in a nutshell what came out of it….and this is the real honest answer.
I do the card to prove to the world that me and my family are GREAT! We are MORE THAN GREAT! We are pretty, we are good, and we are loved! HMMMM (with a cough I will say, “Bull shit!”) We are good and we have a good life, but we can be down right a mess at times, but by God I wanted to make sure that everyone saw, including the neighbors and kid’s friends families who saw us all the time, the “highlight reel” of how wonderful our life is so that I felt good. But the real crazy thing about this is I HATED doing it! It was downright miserable for me. If I liked sending the darn card, it might be a different story, but I hated doing it and I was doing it for the wrong reasons! This all jumped out on a piece of paper one night in my mom’s hospital room. I think it might have been one of my first realizations of how wonderful journaling is! That night I literally was able to answer for myself, with myself, why sending the card was actually harming my mental health. I was literally trying to prove something to anyone who would receive it while encouraging the sick comparison game, and making sure I kept up with whatever everyone else was doing. The stress from getting the perfect picture, to the perfect card, to the perfect envelope, hell even the perfect stamp….all to prove The Berry’s are GREAT! Ha! And pretty much all to prove to myself, literally by lying to myself, we were…. I decided that night no more! And I have NEVER looked back and I am ok with it and I am ok with others not ok with it, because believe it or not I have had people tell me so. But hey, it is ok.
Look I am not saying Christmas cards are this way for everyone. I have plenty of friends who LOVE to do them. From getting the family picture all the way to the perfect stamp. It brings them joy. And hear me when I say this, “I get tons of joy from receiving them!” I actually put them by your name in my contacts on my phone so I see them all year! But, the process of doing them, well, for me it is like fingernails going down a chalkboard, I get my joy others ways. And that is quite alright.
Point to all this is, that night was pure evidence of how journaling can improve your mental state, which in turn improves your physical state, and my self confidence started to be put back together. It was the beginning of Amy Berry figuring out who she is again, what she likes, what she does not like, why she does what she does, what she wants to change about some behaviors, what she wants to improve on, who she wants to become. It was the beginning of The GOOD Life and I had no clue. All over a Christmas Card.
Journaling does this. Journaling helps us to begin to understand ourselves better and helps us to clear our thoughts and unload our emotions. It’s a free space to process your feelings and promote healthy dialog with your beautiful self. When you are able to do this you begin to improve your mental state and gain back your self worth.
2020 has been quite a year why not make it the year that you decide to take back you! Why not start a daily practice of journaling and see what you discover about yourself. You might be surprised like I was and you might free yourself from chains you had no idea were there. I had no idea how destructive that tiny card was to me and those who had to put up with me. I do now and I am so glad I was able to say no.
Until Next Time,
XO,
Amy
